The Four Agreements – continued

25 Feb

Here’s what Smiling Soul said about the next agreement:

Don’t Take Anything Personally
When a Dom or Master asks you to do something it doesn’t necessarily mean He is unsatisfied with you or your service. It could have nothing to do with you. 

Namaste gave an example in her own experience. Master Obsidian requested a potted plant be moved to the other side of the window after it was placed at the window six months ago. She immediately thought He was unhappy with the plant’s placement for six months. She asked Him if was displeased where she put it. He said, “No. I just wanted it moved to the other side. Nothing more.” She realized she had put too much importance to the request and it had nothing to do with her. 


We as subs/slaves do this all the time. We try to second guess our Owner’s purpose or intent. He would communicate if there was a connection to you. My take on this one: How freeing on one’s mental state! You mean it isn’t about me? smiles


When i first read this one, it reminded me of my what my mother used to say when i was self-conscious about my appearance.
She’d point out, blunt and succinct, that other people were not paying nearly as much attention to me as i thought they were.  But ~ but ~

~ well, i was pretty sure sometimes they were.  {laughing…}   and i KNEW if i wore THAT they’d all be looking and laughing at me!

Seriously though.  This agreement reminds me that the world doesn’t actually revolve around me.  That i am not the main character ~ not the hero ~in anyone else’s story.  {Or heroine.  But why does hero make me think of a superman cape and heroine of being tied to the train tracks and screaming for rescue?  Ok, that’s another post…}

Anyhow.  Not the center of the universe.

It’s hard sometimes to recognize the reaction for the egotism it is though because it’s often humble, self-blaming.  Like Namaste, we think, “O, did i have the plant in the wrong place before?”

Is it my fault he didn’t call?  What did i do wrong?  She didn’t speak to me, i haven’t heard from her…  Is he mad at me?  Is she?

So, here’s a quick balance ~~ maybe sometimes they are mad at me, maybe sometimes i did do something that wasn’t actually my best choice.  O, gosh, i have to brace myself for this ~ maybe ~ maybe i’m not perfect!

{Much wailing and gnashing of teeth…}

Yeah.  There i am, back to that egotistical self.

Both my parents had a wide perfectionistic streak.  It’s an ongoing battle for me to let go of the need to be good ~ better ~ best ~ all the time.

i work at reminding myself that it’s ok for other people to feel what they feel, perceive their experiences differently from the way i do.  It’s ok for it not to be about me.  For them to not even be considering me.

With my Sir, this is easier because of how He is.  

i have been seduced before by the magic of “you make me happy.”  Even when i’ve known better, i’ve gotten sucked in by new versions of that story.

If they – if “he” believes that, for real, then sooner or later, when he doesn’t “feel happy,” he’s likely to look for what i’ve done that’s reduced his happiness factor.  After all, if i made the “happy” happen, then i must be withholding it now.

My Sir is not like that.  He is way too aware of His own ~ His own self ~ to make me the author of His happiness.

O, i please Him.  Make no mistake about that…  But i’m not responsible for making Him happy.  So whether He’s happy or not ~ i don’t have to take it personally.  i can accept Him the way He is, and love Him without worrying about how it affects Him

i can be me, and let Him be who He is.

8 Responses to “The Four Agreements – continued”

  1. abby February 25, 2012 at 7:47 am #

    Aisha, thanks for this series. This one really speaks to me, being responsible for pleasing Master is not the same being responsible for making Him happy. I need to keep this one and re-visit it when I start to converse with those “voices” of mine! abby

    • aisha February 26, 2012 at 7:38 am #

      Thanks, Abby! i’m glad it resonates with you. It is important, and too often our culture sends us the message that we are responsible for things that we can’t control. Those arguments in our head sure reflect that!



  2. Andip February 25, 2012 at 8:21 am #

    Hello there sweet,

    I was reading this and examining the life and it made me sort of raise my eyebrow. I grew up with a “if you aren’t the best, you don’t play” mentality. It was hard and is still hard now some times. Reminding myself that I am NOT in charge of other people happiness. That I can only provide them with obedience, but making them happy is not my job.

    In turn, it also makes me think about those people in my life who think its my responsibility to provide that. Also how it IS my fault when I don’t succeed. it seems very easy to get caught in that web, wanting to see those you care about happy and remembering it isn’t your task to complete.

    Just a few more thoughts. I hope love and health are with you an yours.

    • aisha February 26, 2012 at 7:40 am #

      Thank you, Andi!

      Yes, my family and i are good… love and health in abundance!

      As for the rest, yeah, it is hard. Letting go of the idea that we can take on other people’s emotional well-being is not easy. AND when you start letting go of the idea, they don’t much like it!

      IME, they tend to kick and scream “Change back! change back!” Resisting those messages is super hard.



  3. appy February 25, 2012 at 9:03 am #


    You are so right. We tend to make us responsible for other people too much.


    • aisha February 26, 2012 at 7:41 am #

      Dear appy,

      Yep. It’s easy to do. And so satisfying when we feel like we’re succeeding! That’s what makes it hard to give up…



  4. lil February 25, 2012 at 10:41 am #

    I’m NOT the center of the universe?! Well there goes that…lol
    Seriously though, interesting post.

    • aisha February 26, 2012 at 7:42 am #


      LOL – i know, it’s a big shock, right??



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