So much…

3 Mar

Too much sadness and suffering around, from Limbaugh calling the student a slut {no, i’ll never support any company that advertises on his show again}

~~ to the bill in Louisiana that could allow a woman to be prosecuted if she has a miscarriage and can’t prove that she didn’t cause it

~~ to the people who are homeless this morning because of the storms that swept through this area, families who lost loved ones 

~~  and a million other things that my brain won’t even wrap around this morning.

So let me focus on something really not important in the greater scheme of things.

There is a small situation with my Sir, very small, just a thing that hurt my feelings, and i needed to tell Him, and i did, and i’m sure it’s going to be ok, but i would normally have more to say about it, but ~

you know, Sir doesn’t read my blog unless i link Him to it.  He says this is my space to process, and that i need to be able to do that without Him looking over my shoulder.  He likes the idea of me getting support from my subsisters.  He trusts me.

i hope that i’m respectful of Him, i intend to be.  i know there may be people who know us who read the blog {Hi, Caile!} and I wouldn’t want to share anything about Him that He wouldn’t want me to share.

So i try to write about myself ~ how i feel, what i think, how i react. 

Recently, someone approached me on fetlife, a local Dom who’s new to the community.  I’ll call him L.  He was interested in playing in some capacity, and said he was “ok with” me being under consideration {of collaring.}

So i explained to him that being under consideration meant that he really shouldn’t  have approached me, but if he wanted to be friends, the appropriate thing would have been to approach my Sir.

And when i said “friends” i meant talking at events, maybe exchanging a message or two on fetlife.

But ~ it ended up ~ because Sir’s not on fetlife ~ that L sent me a message to send Sir, about wanting to help “train” me.  And that was ok too, but ~

~~ but he referenced a couple of things i’d said in the blog ~ not anything bad, but a couple of details that {of course} Sir wouldn’t have known that i’d mentioned, and it made me feel funny.

i sent the message on to Sir and He was ok with the whole thing, and said i’d handled it right, and didn’t say anything else, at least not yet.So that was fine.  i don’t know how He responded to L, if He even did, and i don’t need to know.

But.

i feel funny now writing about the little thing that hurt my feelings.  As if ~ bear with me here ~ as if it gives L some advantage over Sir.

Is that right?  Is that what worries me?

You know, i don’t think L did anything wrong, i just think he didn’t understand how the community works.  i don’t think it would have occurred to him that his message to Sir made me a little uncomfortable.  

And really, i don’t think Sir would care one way or the other.  i think He is firm in who He is and i don’t think this would bother Him.

But it worries me, and it keeps me from feeling completely comfortable writing about how i feel about having to tell Sir that something hurt my feelings and ~

~ sheesh, this whole post is ridiculous.  Don’t you hate it when you can see inside my head?  

Let me go back to worrying about people suffering from the storm and the state of the nation… maybe i’ll go do a post on my vanilla blog about “sluts.”

Smiling…

“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” 
~~ Dalai Lama XIV

18 Responses to “So much…”

  1. vanillamom March 3, 2012 at 7:25 am #

    I am allowed to chat with other Doms…those that comment on my blog, or write privately to me…about mundane stuff…nothing that is…hmmm…well, you know I often reply in a flirty manner in my comments section, but i think when i respond to emails I’m pretty normal…ie an author who is a submissive woman, as opposed to someone seeking a Dom, if you grok that?

    I will be honest with you, sis, i had a big issue with someone on Fet that I wound up having to block because he would not stop.

    If this L knew you were under the care of another Dom, (and if he read here, for certain he knew it) then his message to your Sir -referencing things you had vented about here- WAS inappropriate. Your Sir will decide if he needs “help” (my M was insulted by that when my issue was happening, btw)…But to the the whole thing smacks of crossing a line.

    You’re taken.

    He should not have approached.

    Beware of trolls on Fetlife.

    love,

    nilla
    ps…i LOVE that quote.

    • aisha March 4, 2012 at 9:23 am #

      @’Nilla

      Glad you like the quote!

      My best guess on L is that he’s new, and just didnt’ know. Which is why i thought it might be helpful for him to be friends with some people in the community. It felt like he was in those early days of “turned loose in the candy store.” i know i’ve been there before, and he hasn’t contacted me again, so that’s all good. i’m not necessarily thinking anything bad about him.

      My Sir won’t be insulted, He’s more likely to be amused…

      But i will beware of trolls!

      hugs,

      aisha

  2. Striving for Peace March 3, 2012 at 8:04 am #

    I have to agree with Nilla.

    Anyone who reads here wouldn’t think you were even a little bit available.

    but that aside.

    it’s your blog love.
    you should be able to talk about anything you want

    and if you and your Sir decide to work with this other person
    then this person should not be the sort that would steal this privacy from you.

    or he is not worthy

    (hmm — blog idea just struck — off to write!)

    sfp

    • aisha March 4, 2012 at 9:33 am #

      @Sfp,

      Just went and read your post ~ love that, and totally related to how you feel!

      And yes. It is my blog, and yes, i will talk about whatever i want. But it was a moment yesterday when i forgot that my Sir won’t care what anyone else knows or thinks.

      And {laughing} i think the chances of Him letting someone else participate in “training” me, are slim to none. That’s not even a thought. He made it clear early on that He had no intention of sharing me.

      If He changed His mind on that, i’d probably still obey and submit, but i don’t see that happening any time soon.

      hugs,

      aisha

  3. Mick March 3, 2012 at 8:54 am #

    On the slut thing, I noted this am that Mitt Romney said “that’s not a word he would use” rather than dare to criticize the fat junkie (oops…. I meant Rush). I guess Mitt, being more formal would use words like “jezebel” or “harlot”.

    Mick

    • aisha March 4, 2012 at 9:35 am #

      @Mick,

      Omg, i know – don’t even get me started on any of them. i could rant for a while.

      But yeah, i guess Mitt could also have gone with floozy, strumpet, or tart, right? lol.. sheesh.

      aisha

  4. Jz March 3, 2012 at 9:09 am #

    The arrogance of doms toward other doms occasionally astonishes me. I’ve had more than one give me “suggestions” for how BG should be dealing with me. Now, A- Hello? BG is my dom. He’ll make up his own damned mind how to handle me. (Nor have *I* any complaints about his approach to dominance, thank you very much.)
    But even more intriguing is B- Exactly HOW do these “helpful” doms think their advice is going to get to BG? Like I’m going to offer it? What would they do if their subs started offering/relaying corrections?
    *phffft!*
    It’s a good thing all these helpful suggestions were offered via email, so they could not see my face as I read this nonsense.

    That aside, however, (and more to the point here) are you sure L knew your Sir doesn’t read your blog? So many subs who blog do practice complete disclosure that he may have just assumed the fact…
    just a thought.

    • aisha March 4, 2012 at 9:44 am #

      @Jz,

      Laughing.. i figure when a Dom sends me suggestions about what he thinks my Sir should be doing, it’s really like he hopes i’ll say, “Omg, you’re so right!!! YOU should be my Dom, you clearly know what you’re doing!!” Laughing…. like that’s gonna happen. But you’re right, it’s fairly ridiculous either way.

      No, i’m not sure that L know that Sir doesn’t read my blog – i don’t really think L’s done anything that out of line or anything, i just think he’s new. It looks like he’s new to fetlife. But who knows…

      In any case, good point

      Yy,

      aisha

  5. faithful March 3, 2012 at 9:42 am #

    You trust your Sir and that is all that really matters.

    Let him handle it……

    ~faithful

    • aisha March 4, 2012 at 9:45 am #

      @Faithful,

      Yes. No doubt that i’ll do that!!!

      aisha

  6. thesubmissivebf March 3, 2012 at 10:53 am #

    I agree with Faithful, let him handle it. After all isn’t that why you invited him into your life?
    smiles
    butterfly

    • aisha March 4, 2012 at 9:46 am #

      @Butterfly,

      laughing… of course i’ll let Him handle it ~ although, just for the record, i invited Him into my life so i could serve and please Him, but yes, for the handling part too.

      🙂

      aisha

  7. a March 3, 2012 at 2:23 pm #

    Hello Aisha,
    Sometimes I feel exposed in my journal and it is challenging for me to share without reservations because I know Master reads my words as well as many others, people we see often, speak with and visit face to face. When I write I strive to speak truthfully without intent to cause emotional harm. There have been times when my words have hurt others or even just leave others feeling awkward and those times are terrible. Still, I value and respect my place of expression and I hope that you will again feel comfortable sharing all you wish without reservations.

    All the best,
    ~a

    • aisha March 4, 2012 at 9:48 am #

      Dear A,

      Yes! Exactly!

      Although Sir doesn’t read my words, others do, and i strive for that same thing!

      Thank you so much!!! For the understanding and the wise words, and for reading and commenting!!

      aisha

  8. sin March 3, 2012 at 4:08 pm #

    I think every relationship is different. L wouldn’t know what your Dom wants or doesn’t so it’s sort of legit to offer to help with your training. Though, in my experience, that’s not something most Doms feel they need help with. But hope springs eternal right?. It seems to me that your real issue is that your Dom might feel like you are talking smack(ish) about him here. And you aren’t so your conscience should be clear.

    I actually don’t find it “shocking” that another Dom would approach you. I think it’s a carry over from the vanilla world where we make up our own minds. As we do in D/s world too… but with an overlay of “oh He makes ALL my decisions”. Anyway, seems like you did the right thing by referring it on.

    And, not being American, I’m out of the Limbaugh Loop, but I think I might save myself the aggravation on this one and not go and google it.

    -sin

    • aisha March 4, 2012 at 9:58 am #

      @Sin,

      Laughing… i think you’re right about Dom’s not feeling like they need another Dom’s help. i mentioned that to Sir last night ~ quoting you~ and He just smiled and said, “No, we really usually don’t need that kind of help. Lots of people out there reading too many fantasies,” which made me laugh.

      No, i wasn’t shocked that he approached me. But i’ve talked to Doms before who’ve gotten on fetlife and sent out a bunch of messages and friend requests like it was Collarme and been disappointed because they didn’t get any good response. i thought ~ still think ~ he just didn’t know, and i was trying to be welcoming and helpful.

      Finally, i think staying of out the Limbaugh Loop is wise, and i wish i really had that option. i hope the insanity here ~ really, the War on Women ~ doesn’t drift north.

      aisha

  9. smilingsoul March 4, 2012 at 1:44 am #

    I think your Sir will take care of the Dominant that approached you. You shouldn’t have to worry about that. It is “Dom business”. I do think it is important to talk to your Sir about your feelings and try to convey what made you uncomfortable. You seem really stressed about this and therefore, it should be discussed. Anyway, that is my two cents.

    • aisha March 4, 2012 at 10:06 am #

      @Smilingsoul,

      O, i’m not worried about that part of it at all. i was stressing more about feeling like i couldn’t openly communicate my thoughts on my blog. Which ~ i just need to not worry. Like a said in her comment, i try to be honest. i write about myself, my own thoughts and feelings, and try not to be hurtful toward anyone else. i don’t {as Sin pointed out} “talk smack” about my Sir.

      When i’m around Sir, i know how solid He is, and my worries about hurting Him indirectly through anything i say here is not a concern. But you’re absolutely write about needing to discuss things with Him when i’m stressed about them. i did that recently, as a matter of fact… and felt so good about it.

      Smiling… thanks for the wise words!

      aisha

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