19 Mar

The questions started with:

• Are there kinds of punishment that are appropriate for public and/or vanilla punishment?
• What’s the difference between punishment and a mind fuck? Is it ever all right to use punishment as a mind fuck?
• What’s the difference between punishment and play?
• What makes a punishment effective? What makes it ineffective? Is ineffective punishment worse than none at all?
• What kind of punishment is most effective, physical or emotional?
• Does punishment always have to be fair? Is harsh punishment for minor infractions acceptable?

and ended with:

• How do you get out of a punishment that has become more than you can handle?
• What makes good punishment?
• When should you punish and when should you let it go?
• What if you feel like you have gone too far? Made a mistake?
• Does the age, sex, or experience level play a role in how and/or when you punish?
• Should punishment cause physical and / or emotional pain?
• What is the difference between punishment and discipline?
• How do you let go or get over something you have done wrong?
• Do you use punishment to change behaviors?
• Does there have to be a reason for punishment?

Needless to say, we didn’t cover all of them.  But it was a great discussion.

We break up into groups ~ Doms take one corner, switches have their own area, and submissives are grouped in the center of the room.  There are probably twice as many of us.  

We had a lot of fun.

This morning i’m still pondering some of the questions ~ and answers.  The line between punishment and abuse is pretty fine, and we struggled to find that distinction.  

At the other end of that spectrum is the difference between punishment and “funishment.”  i guess it looks like this:

Funishment ~~~~~~~~~~Punishment~~~~~~~~~~~~Abuse 

We agreed that before punishment, there needed to be a relationship, and a structure for discipline.  Lots of discussion, and the Dom needed to know the submissive well enough to recognize triggers.

We were against being ignored as a punishment, and generally agreed that if it went on too long, we’d leave.  

We talked about the cathartic value of punishment.

The on-line dictionary provides this definition of catharsis:

a : purification or purgation of the emotions (as pity and fear) primarily through art
b : a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension

Punishment allows us to purge our emotions and let go of the rumination about what we’ve done wrong ~ that “beating ourselves up” that can be so damaging.

i don’t have a bunch of experience with punishment, but for me the value is in the acknowledgment that i did something wrong, being able to pay the price for it, and knowing that it’s over.  That i’ve been forgiven. 

That made me wonder, do Doms need some kind of forgiveness, something to close that loop for them?

Mr. Michael said yes.  He said he likes to be thanked after he’s punished someone.

That caused a little consternation among the submissives at my end of the table, and even an, “i don’t think i could!  Not right away!”

But, Mr. Michael said, it was to acknowledge that he’d taken the time and made the effort to provide punishment.  And  i think i get that.  That makes sense.

A “thank you” acknowledges that i recognize i did something that earned punishment, and that i appreciate you following through with enforcing the limit, backing up the rule.  It acknowledges the attention and the caring that goes into it.

Beyond the “ONE, thank you, Sir ~ TWO, thank you, Sir~” it is a sincere acknowledgement that we recognize the value of punishment, and appreciate the provider.

You know, i can’t imagine Sir X punishing me.  It’s not like we have a bunch of rules and protocols, and He is the most reasonable of men.

And after all, i’m a good girl ~ i am!

But if he ever does, i’m sure i will have deserved it, and will try to remember to appreciate it.  To thank Him afterwards.

And i wonder, just a little bit, why that idea actually turns me on. 

8 Responses to “Punishment!”

  1. abby March 19, 2012 at 7:26 am #

    Pusnishmene is part of our dynamic. It happens much less than it used to…no need to test anymore. After, even a major punnishement, as i am being held and assuured that all is right…i find myself saying, thank you Sir…for both the punishment and the after care. abby

    • aisha March 20, 2012 at 7:10 am #


      Thanks for this comment. It also touches on another question we discussed – does punishment need/warrant aftercare. My thought was that what i want is to know that all is forgiven, that everything’s all right again. Sounds like you get that.



  2. vanillamom March 19, 2012 at 8:45 am #

    wow, that’s a lot of meat to chew.


    yeah, some of which I don’t want to chew here…but
    then again?…Punishment isn’t really a part of our dynamic.

    Our relationship is based on two facts. He is in charge. And. I’m not.

    And i’m okay with that. Really, there is a LOT of play between us, but those two key facts are pretty much the bedrock of who we are as a D/s couple.

    If he chooses to not let me have an O, that’s His choice, coz…he is in charge. I have wiggle room to protest a bit but He will tell me when enough is enough. (and really by now I know when enough is enough and rarely push it past His toleration point.)

    And I don’t whine constantly…A text or two…maybe. Often I just “listen”.. and “obey”…without whining. Whining won’t get me what I want anyway, because he *hates* that. He wants me needy, and greedy, and wanton…without the whine!

    I’m sure it’s different in 24/7 …but our time together is so very precious that it seems silly and pointless for me to create a situation where i earn a punishment. I’m not saying it’s never happened, in our 2.5 years….but I can’t think of a time, just now.

    Punishment stories will always be a turn-on for me…but the soft, sweet reality is that my Master and I are more into the fun of being together, than into any real acts that require being punished.

    • aisha March 20, 2012 at 7:12 am #


      Yes. That makes total sense for youall. One of the things that baffles me is wondering what rules i’d break if i had rules to break. i guess something arbitrary, like a ritual of some kind, but i don’t know that i’d break the rule either.

      On the other hand, for today’s post, i come up with a fantasy where that could totally happen without me setting it up.

      Things to ponder…



  3. greengirl March 19, 2012 at 3:42 pm #

    I can definitely understand the thanking. The whole punishment thing – is just different with us – with him. Like you – few rules – and even fewer games or silliness from me with following them. He has found ways to express his disappointment for things that i’ve done or not done that weren’t good decisions related to life or us in general.

    • aisha March 20, 2012 at 7:13 am #


      Oh, and that sounds so much worse to me than any kind of spanking. But i think, from reading your blog, that he manages it in a way that’s redemptive? That you know you’ve been forgiven.



  4. sin March 19, 2012 at 10:01 pm #

    We don’t have tons of rules either, but we damn sure have punishment. Which I mostly hate btw. I might “borrow” some of your questions to jump start a post if you don’t mind.

    • aisha March 20, 2012 at 7:14 am #

      Dear Sin,

      Welcome back!

      Of course, you can not only “borrow” some of my questions, you may keep them if you like. i know where to get more.



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