“Littles”

26 Mar

Yesterday was the fourth Sunday munch, but before that there was a gathering in an upstairs room at a pizza place.  {Sounds a little shady already, doesn’t it?  laughing…}

It was an unusual gathering.  We’re in the middle of what we call “March Madness” and the whole state is glued to the TV and basketball games.  We, however, were gathered, about 25 of us, to hear Sir Charles and slave Jacki do a presentation on their relationship.

At the end of April, they’ll be going to Beyond Leather, a huge, wonderful kink event in Ft. Lauderdale.  Beyond Leather is run by Sir Top and slave bonnie, who presented at COPE.  i wrote about their presentations and how i got to meet and talk with them when i was all-by-myself and they graciously invited me to join them at lunch.  i wanted very, very much to go to the event, but can’t do it this year. 

Here’s a link to it, in case you can go, or if you just want to read about it and wish.  http://www.beyondleather.net/

Anyhow.  Sir Charles and Jacki are entering the Power Exchange contest there.  Ms. Constance describes it like this:

“The International Power Exchange contest is designed to include pairs of people who have been involved in a power exchange dynamic for at least one year that aren’t normally included in other large event contests. It doesn’t matter if you identify as Owner and property, Daddy/Mommy and boi/boy/girl, Handler and puppy, Dominant and submissive, etc… you are eligible to compete at this new contest.”

So, jacki is Sir Charles’ slave, and she’s “a Little.”  They’re refining a presentation about Littles,  and what it’s like to have a power exchange relationship that includes that dynamic.

It was fascinating.  They’re excellent speakers, and it’s an interesting dynamic.  

You know, Carl Jung, the psychologist, believed that we don’t really shed developmental stages, we just accumulate new layers.  So our “child,” “adolescent,” “young adult”  those archetypes and others are still present within us.

It seems to me that Littles tap into that psychic energy and  let those inner selves come out to play.  Literally.

They may bring their coloring books to events.   Wear their hair in pigtails and suck on lollipops.  Where-i-live, we have events for them.  Easter egg hunts.  Trips to the zoo, or bowling alley.

It’s always kind of amused me, in a distant kind of way.  i’m not a Little.  Well, at least i don’t think i am.

So when i was at the SIGS discussion last week, they were talking about going to Build-a-Bear, which is apparently “a thing.”  Here’s a link to it:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Build-A-Bear_Workshop

{When the Littles were all talking about going,  K kept saying she thought it was a form of taxidermy, which made me say ~ “NOPE ~ Chuck Testa!”  Only one other person “got it,” but he and i cracked up.}

 Youall know the Chuck Testa commercial, right?  If not;

http://youtu.be/LJP1DphOWPs

Omigosh, i am just overwhelming you with links today…  and the best is yet to come.

slave jacki and Sir Charles were at the South Plains Leatherfest, and competed for the Master/slave title there.  Here’s a link to slave jacki’s presentation.  http://www.leatherati.com/leatherati/2012/03/south-plains-leatherfest-2012.html

You have to scroll down to the video labelled “Great Lakes Master.”   It’s a beautiful presentation.

And it made me start thinking about Littles, thinking about it beyond smiling indulgently when i notice they’re around.  And i wonder ~ i don’t hear many of my blogger friends talking about being a Little.  i know one slave who’s also a Little, and some of you have Doms with some degree of “Daddy.”  But i don’t know more about how this works for you all.

March is Question and Answer month – only now i’m asking – any Littles out there?  How does it work for you?  Leave me a comment, link to your blog, or email me ~ aisha.hisservant@gmail.com.

In the meantime, here are some pictures of the beautiful bears that some of the Littles here made recently.  Caile was kind enough to share them with me:

 

And here is Caile’s “bear” which is actually a bunny:

i have to admit they’re kind of cute.  Even if i do scoff at the whole thing just a little.  You know, “only in America….” but i say it indulgently.

And i’m curious to hear your thoughts on it all!

21 Responses to ““Littles””

  1. Donna March 26, 2012 at 8:48 am #

    I have never heard of Littles. If it works for people, why not?

    I had also not heard of Chuck Testa previously. Now there’s a situation that seems to point toward some people needing a lifetime worth of counseling. Let me kill this beautiful wild creature and use it as a decorative object in my home. OMG!, That commercial gave me the willies for a whole host of reasons.

    At least in ttwd, all parties involved give consent.

    I’ll go to Build a Bear; I’ll clean a dungeon, but I’m not watching that YouTube of Chuck again! Eek!

    Hugs,
    Donna

    • aisha March 27, 2012 at 7:45 am #

      Dear Donna,

      LOL, so you’re not a Chuck Testa fan, huh? i agree, i’m not a fan of killing beautiful wild animals, nor am i into stuffing them ~ BUT ~ i love Chuck Testa!!

      Nope. Chuck Testa.

      You gotta say it just right…

      Fortunately, no one will make you watch the video again, no worries there! {still laughing….}

      hugs,

      aisha

  2. jade March 26, 2012 at 9:14 am #

    First, brilliant minds think alike. i sent you that email *before* i read your post today (laugh).

    i am a slave and also a little. The little part was always something that was just a natural extension of any relationship i was in. It was the part of me that could charm you, be disarming, and generally get what i want. i had thought that perhaps it served as a counterpoint to my slave mindset, which tells me that perhaps i should assume nothing other than my list of basic needs will be provided for. Nothing in my slave mentality, for exmaple, tells me i could earn special trips to Build a Bear (which, if you have never been, its wonderful).

    This last year, i was in a relationship that exclusively demanded my ability to be and maintain a little space. It seems that around age five and twelve, stemming from mass trauma, there are spaces that were left wide open that i am emotionally looking for closure and exploration in the only way that makes sense. To re experience from a child’s mind and heart. Perhaps it is partly that i am looking for a redemptive experience, yes.

    This is a hard topic to write about, because it always ends up sounding like some type of personality disorder. The way i experience it is being very in touch with the emotions and thought processess of a child. Due to extensive child abuse, i was a very serious, bookish, non emotional, un-childlike child. i wanted to be an adult, very badly.

    It takes the wisdom of an adult, however, to see that i missed some very basic experiences and needed to try and relearn a thing or two about trust v. mistrust.

    Many things that we do in the lifestyle is largely symbolic. This is not different. Just as being a slave is who i am, a part of me is little. It is the part of me, tucked away, that is sensitive and can get scared. It is the part that no one really sees except in brief glimpses.

    As a slave, my emotions tend to take a backseat to whatever tasks need to be done.
    It is harder to hurt my feelings or make me angry. i’m focused on being a vessel to be used moreso than expressing myself. The Little part, though, is all about unrestrained self-expression.

    i feel like i’m doing a lousy job of explaining this. i don’t morph into someone else. i don’t have a high pitched voice or a bottle. i am just simply more playful, silly, and am happy to let myself feel comfy. Small. Relaxed and engaged.
    i don’t want to misrepresent being a little in any way. i want to also state clearly that not all litttles were child abuse victims. i was. And that is okay.

    Sorry, Aisha. i’ve tried really hard here but this is just not coming out right. My little friend is coming over today and i’m going to ask her to take a stab at it or help me clarify. In the meantime, since you know me, feel free to ask whatever if you have questions.

    i’m going to send you a link to your email that is one of the best pieces i’ve ever read about “Littles” too.

    hugs,
    jade

    • yesthankyousir March 26, 2012 at 11:42 pm #

      Jade,

      I posted my comment score reading yours and yours, though you felt differently, conveyed what I was trying to say. Especially the parts of experiencing and seeking some sort of closure. I too am a product of a very abusive situation. Where I feel gaps of time missing that I have disassociated myself from.

      It seems to come back in bursts, but the bursts are so painful I can’t ever imagine healing from them. Even with new experiences to counter act the bad. Or
      maybe I just can’t face it yet. At any rate, your comment in combination with aisha’s always informative posts have stirred quit the thunderstorm in me tonight.

      🙂 here is to your healing and joy.
      And aisha’s constantly broadening horizons.

      Andi

    • aisha March 27, 2012 at 7:59 am #

      Dear Jade,

      i think you do a lovely job explaining. It is very powerful.

      i want to respond to it, and instead all i can do is sit with it, and feel it.

      love,

      aisha

      • jade March 27, 2012 at 9:54 pm #

        Aisha,

        i feel like i did not do the best job…but…thanks.
        Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do in life is just sit with it, with me, and feel it.
        And you do that so beautifully. Thank you.

        love,
        jade

  3. sin March 26, 2012 at 10:07 am #

    I don’t think this is what you are talking about, but it’s kind of just on the edge maybe. I love when he calls me his little girl. It’s that Daddy/little girl thing, and it’s not age play but it is very loving. It’s a feeling of safety and unconditional love I think.

    • aisha March 27, 2012 at 8:11 am #

      Hey, Sin,

      Yeah, I think it’s in the same ballpark. Interesting. Thanks.

      aisha

  4. Amaia March 26, 2012 at 4:38 pm #

    Hi,

    My name is Amaia, and I am in a full time D/lg (Daddy/ lil girl) relationship with the love of my life. I am a friend of Jades and she brought me too your blog! I’m glad to have found you and happy to be here!

    My Daddy and I are running for the IPE contest at BL this year..

    If you have any questions or thoughts, I’d be more than happy to share my perspective on the D/lg dynamic.. and what it means to us.


    Amaia

    • aisha March 27, 2012 at 8:12 am #

      Hi, Amaia,

      It’s nice to meet you! i’m glad Jade brought you over…

      I just realized i’ve got exactly 18 minutes to finish getting dressed, pack my lunch, and leave for work, so i’ll be back later. Just wanted to say hi first.

      hugs,

      aisha

  5. Amaia March 26, 2012 at 5:14 pm #

    Part 2: How it works for us…

    I could talk for quite a while on this dynamic, and what we’ve learned along the way. So, i’ll try not to ramble on for too long.. 🙂 Just as a quick background.. Daddy and I do presentations on the D/lg dynamic. We also have a FL group called, A Little Kinky in Florida, were we hold monthly meetings and fun get together’s…

    For us, the D/lg dynamic is all about the emotional security.. the vulnerability that comes from being able to let go, and let someone else be in charge. I spent most of my adult life being pushed into an alpha role.. from my job to being a single mom. I have always hated it and I have always had this deep need to have a strong but loving man in my life, that I could just let go and know I was safe, protected and taken care of.
    My Daddy is very strong, and has a very nurturing love. He is guiding force, gentle but firm teacher..and he allows me to share, learn and grow in a blanket of security and safety.
    We do have protocols, rituals and other aspects of D/s relationship that are incorporated in our dynamic. We have a Day to Day side that allows us to enjoy each other, work for common goals and just relax and be.

    To me, the D/lg dynamic is founded on security and vulnerability. To be open, to let go. To be free to find yourself and grow with a teacher who wants the best for you. I do believe that are some common similarities that we have with M/s & D/s.. but I also think there are some major differences.
    For one, my Daddy loves my bratty side. He enjoys me being silly and having fun. But, he also knows I (generally) know my line.. and that I would never purposely embarrass him in the community. Our Protocols are more for us, and generally you won’t see them in public.. unless you really know us. ( For example, I always put his straw in his drink glass.. simple, but it meas a lot to us)
    I love Build A Bear.. I earn gold stars for different things that I can turn in for items..
    ( could be Daddy reading to me, going out for ice cream , ect)
    I generally don’t color.. but Daddy uses that for me as a way to “narrow my hallway” if I get to global.. (which I can become easily because I tend to think A – Z in one moment.)

    The little role allows me to spread some happiness.. make people smile. I have seen many people let their little side out.. and just enjoy the moment, while they are with me.

    Have you ever been to a movie or theme park.. and for that moment the world doesn’t exist? Bills, Jobs Family, life.. just goes away? You find yourself in a state of pure happiness and excitement?

    If you have, then you were in touch your little side..

    I hope that this makes sense ..and I would be happy to answer any more specific questions.

    • aisha March 28, 2012 at 5:47 am #

      That’s a lovely description of your experience, Amaia. Thank you for sharing it with us.

      i can’t imagine living it, but it sure is fun, and interesting, hearing about it. And i can see ways that maybe we all have a little bit of little in our relationships with our Sirs or Masters.

      Thanks, again – hope to see you around often!

      aisha

  6. Kitty the Submissive Wife March 26, 2012 at 11:11 pm #

    These comments are really fascinating… thank you for opening your page up for this discussion!

    • aisha March 28, 2012 at 5:48 am #

      Thank you, Kitty! i’m glad you’re enjoying them ~ i really am too!

      And thank you for commenting.

      aisha

  7. yesthankyousir March 26, 2012 at 11:32 pm #

    Hey there friend,

    Just thought I’d share a bit in this whole subject, my last Daddy/lilone relationship didn’t come close to me ever identifying as a little really. But I had moments where I knew he would indulge me. Small moments of me being a brat, reverting back to when the hardest decision was SERIOUSLY which cereal to eat.

    So I would behave in ways I was sure he found both amusing an endearing. It comforted me and I believe him in small ways. I also found myself seeking something that I was unaware was still lurking. Approval from my own father, who you know is gone now. So my Daddy Dom was unknowingly tasked with the job of letting me know I was good enough.

    He never could though you see, because it wasn’t his job. Now I don’t personally believe this is the driving force for all of these types of dynamics. Only the foundation of mine. I can understand and wholly appreciate the ease that accompanies identifying as a little. Also the joy and compassion it carried to be a Daddy/Mommy to one of them.

    Thank you for posting. You are always electricity for my thoughts.
    Andi

    • aisha March 28, 2012 at 7:06 am #

      Thank you, Andi.

      i think so many of us want that approval from our fathers, that for most of us is never going to happen.

      It sounds like your relationship had lots of healing elements. Very powerful. But you’re so right – eventually we have to know that we’re good enough on our own. No one else can do it for us.

      JM (the amazing analyst) talks about developing our own inner father. For sure, i’m working on that. But there is tremendous appeal, and probably healing power, to the Little concept.

      And i love the mental image of being electricity for your thoughts!!!

      hugs,

      aisha

  8. caile March 27, 2012 at 11:24 pm #

    What wonderful responses two pieces that really touched on who I am and what I believe are quoted below..

    Jade really nailed it for me in how I feel ” i don’t morph into someone else. i don’t have a high pitched voice or a bottle. i am just simply more playful, silly, and am happy to let myself feel comfy. Small. Relaxed and engaged.”

    And Amaia comment, “the vulnerability that comes from being able to let go, and let someone else be in charge. I spent most of my adult life being pushed into an alpha role.. from my job to being a single mom. I have always hated it and I have always had this deep need to have a strong but loving man in my life, that I could just let go and know I was safe, protected and taken care of.”

    I hope you all enjoyed the pictures from our trip to Build a Bear and of Summer my new bunny friend. Thank you Aisha for posting about this.

    Am I a little? This is something I struggle with..defining myself as a little, someday’s I can say it out loud and others I go in the other direction. I think my problem is that I do not want to be defined as just a little, I am way more complex than that. Do we have to put a label on it?

    Even before I joined the community, I have had many times/pieces of my life where I so did not act my age, lol, when my my daughter was growing up there would be times she would get so frustrated with me. I just do not understand why just because you are over 18 you can’t play a game of duck duck goose, or enjoy the beauty in blowing bubbles. Do you always have to look at life seriously because you are an adult? WHY, because social convention says if you are x years old you have to be or act a certain way.

    I strive to find that moment of time when everything else goes away and am able to rejoice in the beauty of the moment, I like that about myself. I like that snow glittering in moonlight makes me smile, I go to the “potty” instead of the bathroom, or that I can wear bunny ears and not be embarrassed. I enjoy that my enjoyment of the moment makes others smile and feel welcome. I have been voted Kinky welcome wagon 2 years running and part of that I think is that I have fun and help others to have fun too.

    Yes, I may have some father issues, I am an Alpha in my job and life, and I may not have felt exactly safe at many times growing up. Did these things contribute to me wanting to continue even as an adult to enjoy life’s little pleasures? Maybe, but they don’t stop me from living just help me to enjoy it a little more.

    A really good friend of mine talks about little’s as “allowing the child inside of you to come out and play in a safe place,” and I really like this definition. I am very lucky in that we have a wonderful little’s community here for people in and not in relationships, and it isn’t closed to others even if they don’t identify as little’s. But it is safe and that is a huge component, trust enough to know someone else is in charge and doing a good job of it. Just a few thoughts.

    • aisha March 28, 2012 at 7:43 am #

      Hi, Caile,

      Thank you so much for this response – this is just about a blog post in itself – along with Jade’s and Amaia’s and Andi’s.

      i’ve certainly come to appreciate your presence in the community, your warmth, and yes, your playfulness. Your thoughts on this subject make it even more valuable.

      You’ve given me a lot to think about.

      Thank you for sharing the pictures!!

      hugs,

      aisha

  9. Cassaundra December 19, 2012 at 5:07 pm #

    Aisha, I have been reading your blog for a couple of weeks now (although for the last few days I have been pretty absent from all blogs, lol), and I really love your openness and ability to accept people for who they are and see the beauty in the differences.

    I have just run across this post completely on accident while I was doing some research to help in my discovery of myself….and through some of the discovery I have found that I have a little “little” in me, too. I call my Dom my Big Daddy and he calls me his babygirl. I have never known it to be considered an actual “thing” in the community, because I have never spent a lot of time with others in the community. I live in a pretty small town and we don’t have local get togethers or anything like that. As was mentioned by Amaia, I had a pretty responsibility filled life, too…but mine started at around ten when my first sibling was born and my mother became an alcoholic. Until I met BD, I was never allowed to be a kid, have fun, be silly….but with him, I can. For us it is not about actual age, it is about letting go of all the things I HAD to be and being the person I SHOULD have been. I have a couple of little girls inside me (not to pull a Sybil on you or anything, lol!)….one is for my insecurities and negative aspects of my past, the other is for the silly, loving, needy side. Luckily, my BD loves them both…although he sure wishes the insecure one would take a vacation or something! 😀

    • aisha December 19, 2012 at 6:46 pm #

      Hi, Cassaundra,

      Thank you so much for the kind words. I’m glad you’ve been enjoying my blog.

      I’m also glad that this post, and the things Amaia said, made you aware that your experience is not unique and that there’s a special place in the world of kink for “littles.” That’s very cool. i’m so glad you’ve found someone who’s helped you discover these parts of yourself. {Lol at the “Sybil’ part} Finding ways to recognize and validate all the parts of ourselves is so important.

      Thanks for reading, and for commenting – it’s nice to meet you! i’ll have to go visit your blog too

      hugs,

      aisha .

      • Cassaundra December 20, 2012 at 1:11 pm #

        It is so funny to me that this popped up when I was searching for information….and I was searching for information because of a conversation BD and I had just had about the different aspects of my personality….I couldn’t believe that there was information right here waiting on a blog that I have already begun following!! LOL! It is nice to know that I am not alone and that there are resources out there and people going through the same things. I have found so many people and blogs out there that have information on this, now that I know what to call it (thanks to you!)

        OH! Please do visit my blog! I love new readers, followers, and commenters! I have only been at this a little while, so I don’t have too many posts yet, but I am working on it and trying to figure out where I am going with it. I have noticed I tend to get on my soapbox a little….so I’m going to try to tone that down, lol!

        You’re welcome anytime!

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