BDSM Lite

18 Apr

Did youall see the article in Newsweek on spanking?

i skimmed it first.  

It bothered me.  

i didn’t even want to read it.

Going back and reading it more slowly was really not any better.

First of all, there’s the assumption that submission and dominance is about women being submissive and men being dominant.  It will be a cold day in hell before you see Mick and Molly’s romance novel published.

Secondly, they’re trying to figure out the connection between women being equal and being submissive at the same time without understanding BDSM at all.

They’re trying to make a political statement with our intimate secrets.

Ugh.

They don’t do a terrible job of it.  It could be much worse.  

But i think it increases the split, creates a greater dichotomy, between feminism and submission, when in fact, it is not even a split.  Not a dichotomy at all

Sigh.

Maybe it will be a good thing in the long run.  Don’t know if i’ll live that long, but maybe my grandchildren will benefit from it somehow.

Laughing…


17 Responses to “BDSM Lite”

  1. sin April 18, 2012 at 7:11 am #

    I have struggled so much with whether feminism and submission can go together. And whether S&M go with feminism. And what goes with what… It’s confusing simply because it’s not the model we grew up with.

    And Mick and Molly help me sometimes. Their thing isn’t my thing but knowing that their relationship is there, gives some balance to mine I think. I’m not saying this well. Sigh…

    • aisha April 20, 2012 at 5:04 am #

      Dear Sin,

      But you and i and a host of our blogging sisters prove they do go together, don’t we?

      i am often surprised by how many submissive men there are in real life. If the BDSM lite folks knew that, it would be a different conversation…

      And i don’t know if you said it “well” or not, but i sure followed your drift.

      hugs,

      aisha

  2. faerie April 18, 2012 at 8:35 am #

    Thanks for sharing the article. Interesting and disturbing at the same time.

    I may be over simplifying but isn’t feminism about the power to choose what is right for yourself as a woman? If I choose to submit rather then being being forced by societal norms to submit aren’t I exercising my right to make that choice? Isn’t that what we all fight so hard for, the right to make our own choices without having to justify it to others?

    • aisha April 20, 2012 at 5:17 am #

      Dear Faerie,

      Nice point!! Yes. That is exactly what we need to fight for, not to make everyone do things my way, but to set us free so each person can to do things our own way.

      Thanks,

      aisha

  3. jade April 18, 2012 at 10:07 am #

    Sigh. Well, it’s something to be discussed in mainstream publication without our sanity being mentioned, i guess. i am a feminist and have also spent much of my life as a slave. i do not see that i must choose one or the other. But, then, feminism doesn’t mean that i want what “fair” means to you. Fair, to me, means “everyone has what they need.”

    Make no mistake, i need this….even when i don’t want it. Especially when i don’t want it.

    i don’t think it has much to do with being uncomfortable with power, etc. etc.

    Also, it sure would be nice if they ever mentioned that sometimes it is two women who trot out the whips and chains, together. i keep thinking of this lesbian poem, “Against.” It starts, “Agaisnt every political principle we hold, you want me to spank you. And I do.”

    Much as i respect Gloria, i do not think sex should be, or can be, seperated from power.
    Sex is power.

    In a way, if ttwd was just a bedroom activity for me, i’d be far, far more comfortable with this article.

    • aisha April 20, 2012 at 5:23 am #

      Dear Jade,

      Oh -another good point. Yes, the fact that sometimes there are women ~ or men ~ at both ends of the whips also removes it from the male/female realm. Nice.

      And yeah again, it is about being able to do what’s right for us.

      Point to ponder ~ for me ~ do i think sex is power? Hmmmm. i think it can be. i don’t know – gotta think about that one.

      Thanks, Jade,

      aisha

  4. jade April 18, 2012 at 10:11 am #

    PS You know what is taped to my bedroom wall in Sir’s house? A quote. By Simone De Beauvoir. “On the day when it will be possible for a woman to love not in her weakness but in her strength, not to escape herself but to find herself. Not to abase herself but to assert herself- on that day love will become for her, as for man, a source of life and not of mortal danger.” It was printed out for me, given to me, on the eve of my departure from the DV shelter by the Director. i think that what i do-what we do-is strength.

    • aisha April 20, 2012 at 5:25 am #

      @Jade,

      O, i like that. i’m an Anais Nin fan anyhow, but that one’s particularly appropriate. Yes. I think we do submit from our strength. Yes.

      aisha

  5. mouse April 18, 2012 at 4:17 pm #

    Dear aisha,

    Routinely, mouse gives thanks to her feminist sisters before, although she remains content that they did not have mouse in mind when they fought their battles. Still mouse remains indebted to them. Had they not, mouse today wouldn’t have the choice.

    Hugs,
    mouse

    • aisha April 20, 2012 at 5:26 am #

      Dear Mouse,

      Yes. So many choices we wouldn’t have!

      hugs,

      aisha

  6. greengirl April 18, 2012 at 5:03 pm #

    On a different note – my kids – youngish teen, boys – read Newsweek. I wonder if they will look at the first few sentences and move along, or if this is going to need a conversation – and if so – what does one say about this, to them? This is Complex – 500 Level Sex and Relationships; we’re still trying to get through 101.

    • aisha April 20, 2012 at 5:27 am #

      Dear Greengirl,

      O, wow. Hadn’t thought about that. Yep. Wow.

      And yet ~ i was an early teen when i had my first submissive urges. i wonder what my life would have been like if i’d known more before i was, um, 50 years old.

      Thanks.

      aisha

  7. Striving for Peace April 18, 2012 at 7:02 pm #

    So I skimmed the Newsweek article —

    and they didn’t seem to talk to anyone who actually does ttwd — just people who fantasize or play around the edges.

    what I resent about it
    is that it looks at us as if we’re making choices
    as if we try on D/s for size
    as if we “play”

    instead of it just being how we’re wired
    not because we’re necessarily damaged
    but because we just are.

    sfp

    • aisha April 20, 2012 at 5:33 am #

      Dear Sfp,

      i’m not sure they know “we” are here. You know? i mean, i had no idea for most of my life. Most of the people walking around right now have don’t have a clue that this whole D/s world exists, or what it’s like.

      But yes, it makes it look like it’s just for fun and not something much deeper. Yeah.

      They needed to interview some “real” people. Or maybe not. Do we really want a bunch of muggles up in our business??

      laughing…

      aisha

  8. Amaia April 18, 2012 at 9:37 pm #

    They don’t understand what they are scared to admit in themselves. It’s easier to say we are all a bunch of “perverted sinners” then possibly admit that they themselves share the same longings and desires.

    • aisha April 20, 2012 at 5:33 am #

      Dear Amaia,

      O, good point!!! Yep. As long as they focus on “us” they don’t have to look at themselves.

      Thanks.

      aisha

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. May 31, 2012 ~ Equal but Different | A View From the Top - June 3, 2015

    […] Aisha also spoke on this topic in response to the Newsweek article about 50 Shades of Grey that suggests that the submission portrayed in that story is anti-feminist. She says: […]

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