Lifted Up

19 Apr

Last night, i was feeling a little overwhelmed, a little out of sorts.  i hate, hate, hate feeling that way.  

Yes, i do think i am supposed to be able to handle everything smoothly all the time.

Yesterday was just a little series of minor blips: some car issues, an employee i confronted who burst into tears, some inter-staff conflict and tension that i can’t actually resolve, a shuttle driver who was confused, a client who didn’t get all the attention she deserved, just minor blips in the day.  My daughter’s fine, there were no family crisis.  i can afford my car repairs.  i didn’t have to fire anyone, didn’t get fired, didn’t have my car break down on the side of the road, didn’t ~~  didn’t all kinds of things.

There’s some other stuff too, but there always is, and none of it’s bad.  It’s just stuff i need to deal with, need to take care of.  

Omg ~ passport.  i need to get my passport.  i knew there was something i wasn’t thinking about.  Ok.  That’s back on the list.

But last night, i’m thinking that my being out of sorts, feeling a little overwhelmed, is just unnecessary.   i say to Sir, who’s been massaging my leg, “i don’t know why i feel this way.”

He says, “What?!  You just got through telling me about your day.  That’s a lot!  Not each thing by itself maybe, but together it’s a lot.  You don’t have to be Sigmund Freud to figure out why you feel a little overwhelmed.”

And that makes me laugh.

He says i think i have to be The Rock all the time.

He says i don’t have to.

That idea intrigues me, but i’m pretty sure i do have to.

Last night, we talk, Sir and i.  Talk and touch.  Lots of touch.  Then ~ 

kneeling at His feet, held firmly between His thighs, His hands in my hair ~ in that moment ~

 i am pretty sure someone else can be The Rock for a while.

21 Responses to “Lifted Up”

  1. Striving for Peace April 19, 2012 at 6:55 am #

    sounds like you had a “death of a 1000 cut’s day”

    glad you had some support
    today is a new day

    sfp

    • aisha April 20, 2012 at 6:48 am #

      Dear Sfp,

      Yeah, it was kinda like that. Thanks.

      And the new day was better!

      aisha

  2. vanillamom April 19, 2012 at 8:00 am #

    You think you have to be the Rock…i think i have to get it all Done…(and perfectly, of course)…

    Us perfectionist types are total nutcases. 🙂

    How nice that Their hands in our hair pulls us back to just…being.

    sorry your day had all those little bumps, they can be an annoyance that drags us down, can’t they?

    yesterday at yoga, two neat things…1. for every negative self-talk thing (oh, i’m too fat) you must think of (or say) TWO positive ones. 2. every time you think of something negative, picture someone handing you a flower, laying it at the floor around you; you’ll be surrounded by flowers, their beauty and fragrance…and (hopefully) the negative cloud around you will dissolve away…

    nilla

    • aisha April 20, 2012 at 6:50 am #

      Dear ‘Nilla,

      Yep. Perfectionism is nuts, damn it.

      Thanks for the tips too! i’ll have to try some of that.

      love,

      aisha

  3. vanillamom April 19, 2012 at 8:01 am #

    ps…the flower thing totally did not work for me…but the double positive thing did. Oh, and I suppose a lovely bj for the Man could go on that list of “mood changers”… 🙂

    • aisha April 20, 2012 at 6:50 am #

      {Giggling…} O, yeah, a little cock worship goes a long way…

      aisha

  4. sin April 19, 2012 at 8:08 am #

    The day of 1000 cuts – yes, it’s like that sometimes isn’t it. And it’s not about not being able to cope, and not about not being able to pay, or about losing your job. And many people have days or whole lives that are so much worse, And yet… they are still horrible. Today will be better.

    • aisha April 20, 2012 at 6:51 am #

      Thank you, Sin. i love that you “get it.”

      aisha

  5. monkey April 19, 2012 at 9:46 am #

    Then I come along and instead of making some comforting caring remark about your day and sending hugs, make a juvenile remark about the irony, intended or otherwise, of a having a conversation about being “the rock”or “a rock” while worshiping his, dare I say it, presumably rock hard….

    • monkey April 19, 2012 at 5:01 pm #

      You know I love you right?

      • aisha April 20, 2012 at 6:53 am #

        Laughing… i hoped you did, nice to hear it! Much love back to you…

        aisha

    • aisha April 20, 2012 at 6:53 am #

      Dear Monkey,

      And you made me burst out laughing right there in my office yesterday, where anybody walking down the hall could have heard me and thought i’d completely lost my mind!

      Thanks!

      aisha

  6. jade April 19, 2012 at 11:00 am #

    @ monkey. i really did enjoy that comment. i almost spit coffee out at the laptop.

    My name is jade. i think i should be able to do it all, handle it all, at every moment, no matter what, too. Yep. Fun times. For bonus points, i will tell people that i’m “always fine” and *believe it* (mostly) because i have to be fine.
    There maybe should be a self help group for Perfectionists but i’m pretty sure all we would do is be *perfect* 12 steppers, and add another 12 steps annually, for good measure.

    • aisha April 20, 2012 at 6:59 am #

      Dear Jade,

      Yep, i think we could be the best 12-steppers EVER! laughing…

      After years of practice, i’ve learned to not always say i’m “fine.” You know what the 12-steppers say that stands for, right?

      Fucked up
      Insecure
      Neurotic
      Emotional

      The wonderful thing about AA cliches is once you know them, they stick forever. i can’t say i’m “fine” without hearing that in my head.

      love,

      aisha

      • jade April 20, 2012 at 11:36 am #

        Yes. Yes, i did know what they think “fine,” means which is part of why i find it so ammusing that i can deliver the line that “i’m always fine” with a straght face. Because….most women are atleast one of those things when reporting to be “fine”, no?

        i would make a very poor AA candidate. Not knocking it. i mean…if it works, work it….and if it doesn’t…tell people you are fine while running out the door. 😛

        love ya,
        jade (tee hee…yes they *are* really going to let me shrink heads one day. Woot!)

  7. mouse April 19, 2012 at 11:45 am #

    Don’t we all suffer from wanna-do-it-all syndrome? We feel that weight just, well weighting us down…then in the next breath…we remember we’re not alone…

    While they can’t carry the load always for us, they can help us a lot.

    Your Sir is right and you seem very happy he is 🙂

    Looking back, mouse has always described her Sir as the flashlight in the darkness. While he can’t light up the whole area, he can shed enough light so that she doesn’t fall flat on her ass. ~~laughs~~

    But cock-worship? Well heck, everyone that reads mouse’s blog knows how she feels about that…

    Hugs, love and hopes the stress diminishes quickly,
    mouse

    • aisha April 20, 2012 at 7:02 am #

      Thank you, dear Mouse,

      Yeah, i think a lot of us are like that ~ but not all. i think there’s another group of submissives who aren’t internally driven to over-do. i think. Or maybe i’m just making that up. 🙂

      Anyhow, yeah, they really help. Really really, those Sirs and Masters.

      And {laughing} yep, i know how you feel about cock worship!!

      hugs,

      aisha

  8. abby April 19, 2012 at 11:54 am #

    I think that “rock” thing is something most of us share. It does make that moment…when you can let go of all that and just be you…..that is what submission means, at least to me. And, yes..the cock worship thing helps too! LOL abby

    • aisha April 20, 2012 at 7:03 am #

      Thanks, abby, it really is helpful to know that other people “get” this.

      hugs,

      aisha

  9. faerie April 19, 2012 at 1:42 pm #

    Can I just say Ditto to everyone? LOL. It’s so nice to have a rock 🙂

    • aisha April 20, 2012 at 7:04 am #

      Dear Faerie,

      Thanks for chiming in! Always nice to hear from you!

      hugs,

      aisha

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