Just Weary

24 May

i’m just tired.

After vacation, i am slammed with all the things that didn’t get done at work while i was gone.  All day Monday, just sorting through email.  

Too many appointments scheduled.  

Too much coffee to sleep well last night.

Eating too much trying to feel better, then angry at myself for eating too much, so i eat more trying to feel better.  i am almost back to my pre-17 day diet weight.

Vacation-drop.  Not quite sub-drop, but not so different either.  Endorphins that flowed now fade away.

Sir is dealing with His own versions of all this, and i think i am not his main concern at the moment.  i think i’m ok with that, but really, like a two-year old, i want to be the center of His universe.

Yes, He’s in touch, He’s not neglecting me, He just has other stuff going on.  And i do too ~ it’s not like i’m languishing around waiting for Him to call, text, or come by ~ i’m super busy myself.

i could have seen Him tonight.  

But.

i thought i was going to see Him last night and made sure i kept some time open, but He thought i couldn’t and arranged His schedule so He’s free today.

i don’t get off work til 7 tonight, and i have to be back in at 7 tomorrow morning.  So i said i didn’t think that was a good idea.

i know.  No one to blame but myself.

Sigh.

i will see him Friday, but we have separate plans on Saturday, for practically the first time since we met.  i know, this doesn’t seem like a natural disaster to those of you in long distance relationships.  i know i’m being whiny.  

But i wanted to merge our plans.  He didn’t.  And that’s ok, in the greater scheme of the universe.  It will be fine.  But it’s disappointing in the moment.

And it’s almost 6 a.m. now, and i haven’t answered comments in so long people will think i don’t care, and it’s already time to get in the shower and i haven’t exercised since we got back from vacation and i’ve got a million commitments this weekend and maybe i should have said yes to tonight but i’m soooo frigging tired already…

i need to find my center, that space inside me that can balance all this, that part of me that can be ok no matter what.  

Maybe she’s in the shower ~ let me go look…

17 Responses to “Just Weary”

  1. sin May 24, 2012 at 7:41 am #

    smiling at “maybe she’s in the shower”. You write the way I feel some days. Things will get better. Don’t eat for comfort, that never helps. Let’s see… make the list of all the things you have to do. Just having the list written down helps sometimes cause then you don’t have to keep remembering all the things. And then set aside 3-5 minutes for yourself, sit still and try to clear your mind and just breathe. You have time for all that stuff, and you’ll see him on the weekend and it will be nice.
    -sin

    • Fondlers Anon May 24, 2012 at 7:47 am #

      Yeah. Time for youself is good. When i feel this way i squeeze in some swim time. Thats my go-to activity to regroup.

    • aisha May 26, 2012 at 10:22 am #

      Hi, Sin,

      i wish you were here to remind me not to eat for comfort ~ like, um, it would be good if you could just follow me around all day, shaking your head every time i get ready to do it?

      Yes, the things you’re saying are wise. And i’m listening. i just need to actually do it…

      aisha

  2. Fondlers Anon May 24, 2012 at 7:46 am #

    Oh great big hugs to u! I know i feel awful on days like that too. Just frazzled beyond belief. And it feels like u’ve undone everything that has gone before, n u’ll never get thru the things that loom ahead.

    And u just ask whats the point?

    And on top of that the miscomms mean your schedules dont mesh.

    YEAH, been there. So again *HUGS*

    • aisha May 26, 2012 at 10:23 am #

      Hi, FA,

      Thanks for the hugs! Yeah, it’s not very pleasant when i feel like that. Nice to know you can relate!!

      hugs,

      aisha

  3. Mick May 24, 2012 at 8:16 am #

    this too shall pass.

    Mick

    • aisha May 26, 2012 at 10:23 am #

      Dear Mick,

      Yeah, that’s what my mama used to say. 🙂

      Thanks.

      aisha

  4. MsConstanceExplains May 24, 2012 at 8:29 am #

    One of the things I have noticed lately is, it takes me longer to kind of recover from vacations. I think it was a full ten days after our last sojourn to Florida in April for me to actually do more than the bare minimum.

    Give yourself a break. And remember, I’m a hard ass, so if I say it, it must be ok. 🙂

    • aisha May 26, 2012 at 10:26 am #

      Hi, Ms, Constance,

      Yes, ma’am. Giving myself a break now….

      {smiling}

      It does get harder, doesn’t it?

      asiha

  5. vanillamom May 24, 2012 at 8:29 am #

    You know I totally relate to this…the week after we got back was my little’s dance recital week, complete with mid-week dress rehearsal. Which meant tons of company this past weekend. And a house that needed care. And kids also feeling the post-vacation slump. And and and…until I wanted to cover my face and ears and scream.

    Last night I went to yoga. I *almost* blew it off. Too busy. Too much to do.

    I’m ever so glad I went, carved out that 90 minutes for me. I came home renewed.

    I understand the Master/Sir thing, too. Was hoping to have playtime with him this holiday weekend. But. We’re at the mercy of weather. And *my* family obligations began to press in…when would we have time to do this and that and that and this? So I spoke to him about pushing it back by two weeks. (gods.)

    And he agreed. It’s better for both of us to carve out this time ….It just is. And it’s logical. And helpful. And it sucks.

    nilla

    • aisha May 26, 2012 at 10:27 am #

      Dear ‘Nilla,

      Just thinking about everything you’ve got going on wears me out! 🙂 i wish it were easier for you to spend time with your Master, but i’m glad you’ve got his support.

      hugs,

      aisha

  6. jade May 24, 2012 at 11:05 am #

    i hope you found your mojo in the shower. Heh. Sometimes, i find mine there. It sounds perfectly reasonable to me to be frustrated. Your logical mind knows everything will be okay. Sending hugs and warmth.

    • aisha May 26, 2012 at 10:28 am #

      Thanks, Jade,

      Yeah, that was where i’d misplaced it, right under the shampoo i don’t really like that much. You know, the one you keep in there even though you just use it once in a blue moon. Or maybe it’s just me that does that?

      Yeah. It will be – it is – ok

      Thanks for the hugs, sending them back,

      aisha

  7. faerie May 24, 2012 at 12:27 pm #

    Just breathe, everything else will get done eventually. The priority things have a way of throwing themselves right in your face anyway, so no worries about any of it. Just a waste of time and energy.

    • aisha May 26, 2012 at 10:29 am #

      Thanks, faerie. Good point. And i know that, for real. Thanks for the reminder.

      aisha

  8. lil May 24, 2012 at 10:52 pm #

    I hope the shower worked. Tomorrow is a new day. Sometimes it just takes a bit to get back into the regular swing of things.

    • aisha May 26, 2012 at 10:29 am #

      Thanks, lil. It really does, doesn’t it?

      But i’m getting there. No complaints today!

      aisha

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