Good Enough?

My friend Sfp posted an article about “being judged” yesterday.  If you haven’t already read it, it’s here.  

Being judged as a foster parent by Child Protective Services, like Sfp was, is a special kind of judgment.   Fortunately,  i’m not likely to have to worry about that one, being through with child-rearing years ago.  But her post made me think about being “good enough.”

i’ve said before on here that by my father’s standards, i was only ever as good as my next accomplishment.  He always said i could do anything i wanted to do, and nothing i did was ever enough to feel good about.

My mother, for all her other strengths and wisdom, was a perfectionist.   By her standards, only an A+ was really acceptable.  

She was more affirming than my Dad, but she drove herself hard with constant evaluation of what she’d done and an ongoing search for  how she could do it better next time.  She expected no less of me. 

Rather than being inspired by all this, i decided that it was ok to embrace failure.  i used to say that when i died, i wanted my tombstone to read:

Failed to Live Up to

Early Potential

i can laugh about it now.  But that was the theme song of my school years ~ “She could do really well if she’d just apply herself.”  and  “She’s not living up to her potential.”

Quietly stubborn, i was.

i give you all that as background.  

When i read Sfp’s post yesterday, the memory of those years flooded me.  i remember the deep sense of inadequacy that i often felt.

And the memories are in stark contrast to my experience in the D/s world, where the expectations can be simple and concrete.  Where the directions are clear and the “Good Girl” is attainable.

No profound commentary on that today.  i just noticed it.

And wondered a little bit.

Lots of potential for healing in the BDSM world.