It’s Subtle

31 Jul

He took my side of the bed.

Yeah, back at the very beginning.

i admit, i asked Him which side of the bed He preferred.  He told me.  It was the same side i sleep on.  Um, used to sleep on.

i figured, ok, no big deal, i’ll just switch sides when He’s here.  One or two nights a week, no big deal. 

But very quickly, what used to be my side, became His.  i started sleeping on the other side of the bed all the time.  Way before He started living here.  i’m still not sure why, i just did.  It just felt more right.

i don’t suppose He planned it, or not exactly anyhow.  He couldn’t have, right?  But it means He’s on the opposite side of anyone i’ve ever slept with before.

It’s a little thing.  Not kinky at all.  Not even submissive exactly.  Just a subtle difference in how i live.

So the other night, He says, “I was wondering what you call me, when you’re talking about me.  I mean, I know you refer to me as your Sir or your Dom in your blog, and with kinky friends.  But when you’re with your vanilla friends, what do you call me?”

i must have looked blank, because He adds, helpfully, “You know, am I your partner?   Person who lives with you?  Lover?  What do you call me?”

“O,” enlightened now, i say, “Well, sometimes partner, sometimes the person i cohabit with, sometimes my “friend”  with that little pause before friend that means “more than platonic friend.  Why?” 

He says.  “Well, from now on, in casual settings, where it’s appropriate, I want you to refer to me as ‘your old man.'”

“What??” i giggle.  “My old man?  Really?”

“Yes,” He says, with that air of calm certainty He gets.  “In casual settings, where it’s appropriate.”

“Ok,” i say with a shrug, smiling a little.

“My old man.” 

That has lots of connotations for me.  As an old hippie, it gives me a little rush of nostalgia.  We used to use that terminology ~ talking about “my old man” or “my old lady.”   i no longer have a clue why we thought it was cool.   

And of course it’s a redneck term.  Apologies to my non-American readers, or my readers in parts of the country that don’t have rednecks, but there are so many images, stereotypes, and feelings associated with it that way, i don’t even know where to start.

It’s the truck driver in his “wife-beater” t-shirt, coming home from a week on the road, happy to be back with his woman, sitting down to the biscuits and gravy she has ready.

It’s ~ o, gosh, i can’t even put it into words.  

i haven’t used it yet either ~ haven’t referred to Him as “my old man.”

And it doesn’t matter.  

It’s made me think.  Off and on, from time to time, i remember His words.  i contemplate what they mean to me.  Wonder why He chose them.  Try to imagine saying it.

Which group of my friends would it be appropriate with?

Can i pull this off without them thinking i’ve lost my mind?  What tone of voice will i use?  Can i do it so casually no one notices?  

If i say it, and they look at me, all shocked, what will i say?  Can i shrug and smile and say, “Hey, He likes to be called that,’ and laugh it off?

i know i don’t have to use it all.  He was very careful to say, “Casual setting, when appropriate.”  So i can decide it’s not the appropriate time or place for a very long time.  Maybe forever.

And i won’t do that.  

Isn’t that funny?

Sir says He wants me to call Him “my old man,” and i feel compelled to do it?  No, not compelled.  Shoot, i don’t know the right word for this either.  But i know i’ll figure out how to do it.

In the meantime, i think about it.  And maybe that’s what He really wants.   That i’m thinking about what He told me to do, and trying to figure out how to do it.

He says it’s all a challenge ~ everything is a test, to see how i react, how i handle it.  

“My old man.”  “Yeah, that’s my ole man.’  “Me and my old man went to the farm back home last week, got us some corn and a new rooster.”  “My old man, he says he’s gonna git me one of them new fancy phones someday,”  “My old man, he sure likes his dinner setting on the table ready to eat when He gits home.”  “My old man…”  It cracks me up.  

Ahhh, but i had forgotten this:

Now THAT is my old man. 

15 Responses to “It’s Subtle”

  1. striving for peace July 31, 2012 at 7:53 am #

    Gotta love Joni

    I like that he thought about it


    • aisha August 2, 2012 at 5:46 pm #

      Hey, Sfp,

      Yeah, it’s kinda neat that He even wondered how i referred to Him, isn’t it? And won’t it be fun to see what i do with it? (gritting my teeth just a little as i say it…)



  2. vanillamom July 31, 2012 at 8:15 am #


    Great song (and there’s a big ole dose of “hippie” in there, too!)…It sure makes me happy for you, and that’s the truth…

    from one old hippie to another?

    Peace, namaste, and blessed be!


    • aisha August 2, 2012 at 5:47 pm #

      Thanks for the hippie blessing, ‘Nilla. i’ll have to try to channel it when i casually say, “my old man….”



  3. Kitty the Submissive Wife July 31, 2012 at 9:55 am #

    We switch sides of the bed periodically (for good reasons) and things do look different from the other side. I guess it does for you to.

    It is funny, but I think you are right, old man would be hard to say, harder even than Master. 🙂 I say break the seal and say it at a munch first and then go from there… 🙂

    • aisha August 2, 2012 at 5:49 pm #

      Hey, Kitty,

      Well, that’s the thing, it would be no problem at a munch. i mean, at a munch, people might think it was actually kind of disrespectful if i called Him my old man. But it’s a good thought.

      i have to confess, i’m curious about what you switch sides of the bed. i’m too polite to ask, but just curious. {smiling…}


  4. faithful July 31, 2012 at 10:41 am #

    oy vey! That was the first thing that came to mind. Not sure I could ever say it with a straight face so good luck with that!

    Master sleeps on what used to be my side too but it seems “natural” to be on the other side when we are together.

    I think it is part of Dom School.

    Class 12B. “How to make them sleep on the other side of the bed”.


    • aisha August 2, 2012 at 5:52 pm #

      Hi, Faithful,

      Your comment made me laugh! Yeah, it will be interesting to see if i can pull it off.

      As for the Dom School thing, i totally agree. Sir, on the other hand, informs me that He gets it naturally, no “Dom school” required – and i’m betting your Master would say the same thing!! lol


  5. Wordwytch July 31, 2012 at 1:23 pm #

    Between Special Ops and the Marines, Wolf has this thing about sleeping as close to the door as possible. That also means that I’m “safe”, behind him. That took a little getting use to because if we changed the room around, he changed sides of the bed.

    As for calling him ‘your old man’. 🙂 That makes me smile. I do call Wolf ‘Old Man’ and partner/lover/mate, but Old Man has fit ever since I had a dream about three weeks after we started sleeping together.

    In the dream, I’m an old woman, a healer, and I’m snuggled up with my lover, a soldier that I healed and who never moved on. He calls me Old Woman, I call him Old Man. In the dream there are some very specific items. Especially a small candle lamp. When I woke up, I started telling Wolf about the dream. He looks at me, his face goes a little pale and he says… It’s a Fleur de Lis, and the candle has cow horn sides, not waxed parchment. Once we got over the whole “OhmyGod” factor, we realized it was a glimps into a past life.

    I started teasing him and calling him Old Man. What I kept hearing in my head… we catch each other’s thoughts on occasion was that he was calling me Jemma. I asked him flat out why he was calling me Jemma. His answer…. “Not Jemma, Dje’ma. “Old Woman”

    • aisha August 2, 2012 at 5:53 pm #

      What a great story, Wordwytch. Thank you for sharing it. That’s fascinating.

      I don’t know why – i’m not an actual “believer” in reincarnation, but this is completely credible for me. Weird, huh?



      • Wordwytch August 2, 2012 at 11:48 pm #

        Not weird. There are times I’ve doubted the whole reincarnation thing and then there are days I’ve had it slap me upside the head so hard I should have an imprint on my brain.

        There are days I think I should write the story. There are actually more bits that I saw for over a year.

  6. SirQsMLB July 31, 2012 at 2:11 pm #

    I love that he asked you what you say. I come from a part of the country where “my old man” definately has that wife-beater – gimme a beer, woman, kinda feel. Depending on how you typically speak, that could be really funny to say to others. I think it could be a bit exciting to see what happens…it certainly will make you think of him, make you giggle or squirm on the inside when you do, I bet. Good luck 🙂

    • aisha August 2, 2012 at 5:55 pm #

      And i love that you commented on the post!!

      Hi, SirQsMLB… and notice how i’m way too polite to ask you what that stands for? But it’s an interesting combination.

      For sure, i don’t typically speak in those ways – i am pretty much the opposite of the female side of a “get me a beer” exchange in my vanilla self. So it will be kind of exciting (for Him) and will make me squirm for sure!

      And thanks – i need all the luck i can get!


  7. joolz July 31, 2012 at 3:39 pm #

    Interestingly ‘my old man’ in cockney English would be referring to my dad! But my dad has also referred to hubby as ‘your old man’. The term obviously travels.

    Sir sleeps in the same side in his bed as i do in mine, but when we have slept together i have been happy to sleep on the other side. As you say it just seems like the right thing to do.

    • aisha August 2, 2012 at 5:57 pm #

      Hi, Joolz,

      That is interesting, and makes me wonder – back in my hippie days, we were all influenced by the English bands, especially, you know, the Beatles. And we used the phrase to refer to our fathers too, and then extended it to boyfriend/husband types. Hmmmmm.

      And yes. We’re an accommodating group, aren’t we? {laughing…}


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