Submission Question ~ Day 3

27 Aug

How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive?

i don’t know how other people know, or if there’s some sure way to know.  For me ~ well, i’ve told the story before about reading Story of O when i was young ~ maybe 13 or 14 ~ and being so incredibly turned on i just about couldn’t stand it.

i read that book dog-eared.

i was also appalled by it, and had no idea there was a way to act on those fantasies and still be safe.  So i had this internal conflict about it for many years, and threw away more than one dog-eared copy of that ~ and other books ~ swearing to put that stuff behind me.

But my orgasms have always been connected with BDSM.  Fantasy or real, i don’t think that i’ve had more than a handful of orgasms in my life that didn’t involve BDSM.

i’m not sure that by itself would mean i was submissive.  It might mean i’m masochistic, for example.  Or would like to be a bottom in scenes.

The element that i think makes me know i’m submissive is this tremendous desire to give myself to the person i love, to be in their control, to have them exert power over me.

That was there ~ the desire, the urge to feel that ~ even in my vanilla relationships.  It is not something that vanilla men understand, and expressing it to them is not always a good idea.  Yeah, actually, in my experience, it is never a good idea.

At the same time, i feel a deep desire to please my Beloved.  Learning to balance that with real life in a vanilla relationship  with a man who was never pleased for more than a minute, was a challenge.

When i discovered the kink world, and realized i could possibly express my submissive nature safely, i felt like a kid in a candy shop ~

           ~~ a duck who’d found water

                                ~~ an orphan who’d come home.

How do you feel when you express your submission?

Gosh, i think most of this blog has been an answer to that question.  i don’t know if i can do it justice in a short answer.  

When i submit to my Sir, i feel ~

 ~ open and loving, full of trust ~ 

      ~ deeply connected with Him, and with myself ~

               ~ a sense of belonging ~ belonging to Him and with Him ~ 

and it just feels right.

9 Responses to “Submission Question ~ Day 3”

  1. sin August 27, 2012 at 7:53 am #

    Nice. I think your submission sounds very much like mine this way, even to our similar responses to The Story of O.

    • aisha August 28, 2012 at 3:02 pm #

      Hi, Sin!!

      Yeah. It’s amazing, isn’t it, how many of us that book touched.

      Good to see you here!

      aisha

  2. vanillamom August 27, 2012 at 7:58 am #

    I was nodding while reading. I’ve never read the story of O…never read many BDSM books. I think the raciest book I read was Harold Robbins/Suzanne ?what was her name, Valley of the Dolls and that ilk. And a Trevanian where he shoved pearls up a womans ass and popped them out, one at a time while eating her. Pretty erotic for a sheltered girl!

    I didn’t know there was a word for what I felt. I was drawn to being tied up, used, that sort of thing. And having no control. That’s a big thing for me, a major turn-on.

    And now that I do know…well, how I feel is how I feel any time He reaches out and touches me. Blessed. Lucky. Happy. Excited. (even with dreaded tasks, there is an undercurrent of excitement.) As Mick once said to me “If there’s no fun in it, why do it?”…Some tasks are “fun” in the short term (orgasm control, for instance) but in the long run, when the release happens? It’s delightful. So there is an element of ..anticipation that runs through me as well.

    And love. And caring. And committment. And connectedness. And Joy (joy in being with HIm, joy in serving Him.)

    🙂

    nilla

    • aisha August 28, 2012 at 2:59 pm #

      Hey, ‘Nilla,

      i read Valley of the Dolls too!! i think there was one spanking scene in it…

      Yeah, lots of fun in the submission game, and love, and joy and all that. 🙂 Well said.

      hugs,

      aisha

  3. little monkey August 27, 2012 at 4:01 pm #

    You nailed it with this passage… “The element that i think makes me know i’m submissive is this tremendous desire to give myself to the person i love, to be in their control, to have them exert power over me.”.

    I had the same reaction to the Gor series, and the story of O, the same sexual response, never an O without BDSM involved in some way, be it reality or fantasy.
    Okay, my thoughts keep taking off so I think I might blog the rest. 🙂

    I love your insight, aisha.

    • aisha August 28, 2012 at 3:00 pm #

      LM!! Hi!! How are you?

      Yeah, the Gor story too! Much later in my life, but omigod, so frigging hot! And yikes, so crazy-what’s-wrong-with-me? at the same time.

      Always glad to provide food for thought…

      🙂

      aisha

  4. Wordwytch August 29, 2012 at 1:08 am #

    Gor, O, Anias Nin, oh, and the actual Bond books, not just the movies. So many similar points.

    As to how I feel when we play… when I submit. relaxed. loved. and can I give more?

    • aisha September 7, 2012 at 1:55 pm #

      Hey, Wordwytch,

      Yes, all those book have had such an impact… I’ve never read the Bond books though, maybe I need to check them out!

      aisha

      • Wordwytch September 9, 2012 at 2:25 am #

        For the teenage mind, they were terribly racy. Lots of subtlety. 🙂

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