Day 6 ~ Questions ~ 30 Days of Submission

31 Aug

Let me start today by thanking Masterswildfilly for posting these questions everyday.  Thanks!! You can find them, and more discussion here on fetlife:  Or visit Ali’s blog to meet her and Master D.

Now for today’s questions:

What do you feel are the roots of your submission?

i don’t know!

Yes, i’ve wondered.  Speculated.

It’s not abuse related.  i’ve experienced abuse, but i was already submissive before that happened ~ at least already sexually turned on by spankings.

It predates me reading Story of O, so that wasn’t it.  i just don’t know.

Do you think it has something to do with childhood?

i don’t know!

i can speculate, again.  Maybe.  For sure, i had father issues, two fairly perfectionistic parents, the whole getting approval thing is huge for me.


i bet not everyone who has perfectionistic parents who expect super high achievement is submissive.  Or that all submissives had “perfectionistic parents who expect super high achievement.”  In fact, i bet some people with those kinds of parents are Dominant.

Wish there was some research out there around this kind of question…

Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline?

A relationship management tool.  i have to think about what i think that means.

{i actually googled “relationship management tools” ~ and there is such a thing ~ but it’s all about customers, so that’s not so helpful.)

Like in “domestic discipline.”   Ok, in domestic discipline, the relationship is defined, at least in part, by the D/s aspect, right?  That’s the structure.  So when there’s a decision to be made, when things aren’t going well, when they need to change course in some way, then that’s the structure.

The relationship is managed by the concept of D/s, or domestic discipline.

Is that what the question means?  Or ~ here’s another thought ~

~ in some relationships, it seems like, the moods of the submissive are managed through D/s.  Or the D/s helps them manage it.

i don’t know… neither of those sound right for my relationship.  i think that i don’t know yet how it works in my relationship. Although ~

~ if i go back and remember what i learned at COPE last year from Raven, then i’m on the path of Service and Mastery.  And so ~

           ~ that means there’s a lot of work i need to do to figure out what this all means in my relationship.  Good grief.  i think i had kind of forgotten all that.  

And yet, not forgotten.  i’ve been moving toward where-i-need-to-be all year long, on a lot of different levels.  

Well.  A lot to think about here.  Just moved back, in my head, to the reality that i still need more structure and some self-discipline to be successful and… i guess i need to talk to Sir.

i was just looking at Raven’s description of workshops, and was struck by this one {from right here}:

Building the Team: Non-Adversarial M/s

Presented by Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny

It seems like so many written models of M/s feature the angry master continually punishing the disobedient slave, while the flow of information is deliberately choked off. This workshop is for people who aren’t interested in a power dynamic that’s one long series of takedowns, but becomes a smoothly-running system where both parties work together to achieve goals … and the s-types are encouraged to be honorable adults responsible for keeping their promises. We’ll concentrate on seeing the power dynamic as a Team rather than as adversaries, and discuss methods of useful conflict resolution that reinforce the power dynamic rather than putting it aside.

i think that’s what Sir and i have, or are working on.

And when Raven talks about different models of relationship ~ i want to go through these with Sir and get his thoughts.  So much to think about…

Last part of the questions:

Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

Both.  Definitely both.  It is a sexual thrill, for sure, and much more.  

12 Responses to “Day 6 ~ Questions ~ 30 Days of Submission”

  1. jadescastle August 31, 2012 at 5:25 pm #

    As you know, i am a child abuse survivor. Yet, i do not believe that this caused me to be sexually or emotionally hardwired to be a slave. It added an element, perhaps. i wasted a few years thinking that if abuse may have caused it and abuse is sick, then maybe my need of this is too. But…its a need….and there is nothing sick in it. This crystalized for me one day at McDonald’s, silently observing a group of children playing house in the playland’s plastic house. What i was watching was the dramatic enactment of BDSM, basically, complete with rules, order, and more than a few spankings of unruly members. It was the typical dramatic play on steroids. And then the little Domme turned to me and said, “You are a baby. And you know that you are not supposed to be sitting by yourself. Crawl to me.” Keep in mind, i was in my twenties, and it occured to me that though i was a very bookish and reserved child, all of my friendships were very controlling. We sought each other out it seems. The idea that i was always going to be “the baby” and had always been picked for the role with least autonomy and the pleasure it gave me caused me to have a lightbulb moment. That little Domme didn’t know about my sexual and physical abuse background. She didn’t need to. In the perfection that is children, she only cared that she was in authority and i was a baby.

    i don’t see how this is any different than having lesbian attractions before i knew what it meant and most scientists agree that this is not a “preference” nor is sexuality caused by child abuse. i might have emailed this instead.



    • aisha September 1, 2012 at 5:30 am #

      Hey, Jade,

      i’m glad you posted this!!

      i love that story about the little Domme. And can picture that aha moment in your head. How very cool.

      So you think it’s hard-wired at birth that we’re submissive or dominant or vanilla? I always go back and forth when i think about this. On one hand, i think it could be, but i’m not completely convinced. And then i think, o, yeah, maybe it is…

      i dunno.

      But i appreciate you commenting!



  2. sin August 31, 2012 at 5:27 pm #

    BBD and I definitely work as a team, both contributing to the relationship, working towards goals. Yes there are times when he withholds information, for a time, but those are pretty rare. I don’t think I would be interested in a relationship that was one long series of takedowns and punishments

    I notice that where you used to post first thing in the morning, almost always before I was up in the morning, now it’s all over the clock. I’m not complaining, just observing and I’m always glad to see you posting!


    • aisha September 1, 2012 at 5:41 am #

      Hey, Sin,

      Yeah, a relationship that was constant “takedown and punishment” with an angry Master wouldn’t be so much fun… and i know you and Big Bad have good teamwork.

      As for my posting ~ yes, it has changed! i think i’ll explain that in my post today – thanks for mentioning it.



  3. MsConstanceExplains September 2, 2012 at 9:32 pm #

    I always think that slaves are assets of the highest order. I like smart people, whatever their capitalization preferences, and I’d be foolish and wasteful of my resources not to take advantage of them.

    I think I’m on a team, too, but there’s no doubt who’s the manager and whose a star pitcher with a great arm.

    • aisha September 2, 2012 at 9:43 pm #

      Hi, Ms. Constance,

      i almost laughed when i read this~ that is soooo for sure true ~ there is no doubt who the manager of your team is!! i appreciate that you appreciate your slaves too, and i think you recognize and foster their strengths, as well as putting them to good use.

      Thanks for commenting!


  4. mouse September 3, 2012 at 12:30 pm #

    It’s funny, but too many times there’s a cycle of punishment…and like mouse wrote once, if that’s all they ever talk about you start to question if their dynamic is healthy. Now, it’s true, mouse does get into some sort of trouble at least once a month…but Daddy is always very fair about it all.

    Dunno if it’s a team or a partnership (mouse doesn’t understand team sports well), but in our partnership, we both have responsibilities and we’re both equally important. But really most of all, we really are comfortable and happy like this.


    • aisha September 3, 2012 at 3:10 pm #

      Hi, Mouse!

      And really, the terms don’t matter so much ~ team, partnership, or whatever, ~ so long as you’re comfortable and happy together!

      Thanks for commenting, it’s good to see you here!


  5. Wordwytch September 4, 2012 at 2:29 pm #

    Very interesting. Must think more on this. 🙂 And I do love Raven.

    • aisha September 7, 2012 at 2:01 pm #

      Hi, Wordwytch,

      Yes… Raven rocks!


  6. vanillamom September 5, 2012 at 12:08 pm #

    oh, things to say. Will take it private, tho.



    • aisha September 7, 2012 at 2:02 pm #

      Hey, ‘Nilla,




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