Day 11 ~ Questions ~ 30 Days of Submission

5 Sep

Do you include service as a part of your expectations of your submission?  If not, what is it about the concept of service that is not for you?

Yes, absolutely, i do include service as an expectation.

How do you define service?

Hmmmm.  In the context of submission and my relationship, i define it as anything i do that is specifically for the purpose of pleasing Him or making His life easier or more enjoyable.

What does it mean to you?

i don’t even know how to answer this.  It’s like if someone asked me to explain what reading means to me. How do you explain that?  It’s intrinsic to who i am.

Ok, that’s not to say that i’m the kind of submissive who’s always taking care of everybody.  i’m not.  i’m not the first to jump up and offer to get refills for people’s drinks.  Not the first to start clearing the table.  i don’t typically spend hours listening to someone’s problems in social settings.  Don’t feel the need to find folks a job or lend them money.

And i am not big on self-sacrifice.  i think it’s generally a set-up for the drama triangle, which i prefer to stay off of.  Martyrdom is not my style.  

i think Sir enjoys the small services i offer Him ~ that is the point, after all.  But i think He appreciates my ability to write, to be a good listener, to be open and welcoming, my insight in  understanding people ~ those kinds of things ~ as much as my ability to fix His coffee just the way He likes it.

That doesn’t mean i’m a rescuer.  i believe i need to take care of my self, develop who i am, learn and grow.  i believe if i don’t take care of myself, i can’t take care of anyone else.  i believe if i “bend over backwards” for someone, i will probably just hurt my back.

i try to set an example, to role model self-care.  That does mean if i offer to do something, i probably want to do it, or think it’s a good idea.  You don’t have to worry about taking advantage of me.

But for me ~ and it’s difficult for me to say this, because it’s sounds like i have a grandiose sense of self ~ but for me, it’s important to figure out how i’m supposed to use those skills in a way that’s of service to people around me.  Not just Sir, but other people.  

Obviously, as a therapist, and as a supervisor, there was lots of room for that.

Now i’m looking at all kinds of changes in my life, but the questions are still the same.  What do i need to be doing, and how can i do it with love?

That’s what service means to me.  Service is doing what we do with love.

And i know i’m not alone in this.  The same is true for many of us, maybe for all of us, in some way, i think.  What do you think?

7 Responses to “Day 11 ~ Questions ~ 30 Days of Submission”

  1. itismedia September 5, 2012 at 7:12 pm #

    I am this same exact way and you are right, it is hard to explain. I just finished school and have *very recently rejoined the workforce after being mom, wife, etc… exclusively for the the past decade. I have cried more times than I can count the past few weeks. Not about the dishes not getting done or the floor vacuumed, but over the little things like not being home to bring him his first cup of coffee or not having dinner ready when he walks in. The truly little things. He says I’ll get use to it and he is not worried about it in the least, he is “a big boy”. I on the other hand feel like I am having to find myself all over again. I love being the one that takes care of him, even if it is packing his lunch. It is hard to explain, but maybe I made sense….

    • aisha September 6, 2012 at 7:10 am #

      You did make sense, and you know, you are having to find yourself all over again! How exciting, and how difficult. Wishing you lots of luck ~ i’m glad your husband is so supportive!

      Thanks for reading – and for commenting!


  2. abby September 5, 2012 at 8:26 pm #

    I think, no I know it is that way for me also…service with love, with little hesitation. It is what drives me, altho Master sees to it that the rewards are pretty great!
    hugs abby

    • aisha September 6, 2012 at 7:11 am #

      Hi, Abby,

      Yeah, there are some pretty fantastic rewards, aren’t there? 🙂



  3. Wordwytch September 6, 2012 at 12:38 am #

    Yes, there is service. We were talking about that last night. Neither Wolf nor I had partners in earlier relationships that helped take care of us. So, we occasionally have those moments when it is a surprise to find something done for us.

    • aisha September 6, 2012 at 7:12 am #

      Hi, Wordwytch,

      That is a lovely feeling! It’s nice being on the giving end, and pretty amazing to be on the receiving end too!


      • Wordwytch September 7, 2012 at 12:28 am #

        Yes, yes and YES! The best though is when you don’t expect it.

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