Day 17 ~ Questions ~ 30 Days of Submission

11 Sep

What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?

Trust is the cornerstone of relationships.  

It takes trust to say you want to be spanked, or want to spank someone, and maybe even more trust to actually do it ~ on both ends of the equation.

It takes trust to reveal those deep, dark kinky secrets that have never seen the light of day, and it takes trust to let someone know that you want to serve them, want to belong to them, want them to take you.

Sometimes, we’re quick to think of trust in all-or-nothing terms, as if it’s a switch that’s on or off.  i think that’s unreasonable and unrealistic.  Because ~ for example ~

You can trust me to keep an appointment, absolutely, or to call with a reason why i have to cancel.  But if i tell you i’ve got a brochure or a even a particular book, you really can’t trust that i’ll be able to find it.  Not in a reasonable amount of time anyhow.

i could always trust my mother to be late for things.

And i’m reminded of a story i heard long ago.  

A little girl is at the beach with her parents.   She is very little, maybe three years old.  And she’s a little bit afraid of the ocean.

She likes splashing in the waves as they crash on the shore, where it is only to her ankles and she can run if it gets higher.   But it is so big and the waves seem huge where they roll and crest.

Her Daddy wants to take her out in the water.  

“Come on,” He says.  “I’ll hold you.  I won’t let the waves get you.”

“But,” she says, biting her little lip, “But Daddy, i don’t want the water to go over my head.  I’m scared.”

“Don’t worry!” He says reassuringly.  “I’ll put you on my shoulders.  Then you’ll be high up and the water can’t go over your head.”

The little girl looks at her Daddy, and she looks at the waves.  It seems like a bad idea to her.  She can see people getting knocked around by the waves.  What if one of those big waves goes over his head too?

But he says, “Come on.  I promise I won’t let the water go over your head.”

What’s a little girl to do?  If her Daddy promises, she has to believe him, or at least trust him enough to do what he wants.  Even if she doesn’t want to.  Even if it seems like a really bad idea.

So the little girl is lifted up on her father’s shoulders, and they walk out into the ocean.

Let’s pause a minute.  

Do we all have some version of this story in our heart?  Maybe we don’t remember the details, but for all of us, there is a time when we have to trust a parent.  And so much of how we see the world may hinge on what happens next.

In this particular story, the man with his daughter on his shoulders walks out into the water.  He gradually works his way out far enough that the waves are splashing her feet as they rise around his shoulders.

She’s giggling and squealing and having a great time.  Until a wave ~ an unexpected big one ~ swell higher and breaks sooner and harder and ~

  ~ yes, it knocks the man off his feet, and his daughter goes under too, and comes off his shoulders and for a minute she thinks she’s going to drown, down in the salt water, but he pulls her up, coughing and half crying.

And of course she’s “ok,” and they make their way into shore, and she knows he feels bad, and she knows he didn’t mean for it to happen, and all she can think is, “I knew that was something he couldn’t promise.  I knew he couldn’t promise that.”

i heard that story many years ago, and it stuck with me for the layers of lessons it carries.  i thought about it when my daughter wanted me to promise her i wouldn’t die before she grew up.

i think about it when someone reassures me that they will do something or won’t do something, and they don’t have complete control over whatever it is.  i think about how much wiser it would have been if that father had taught his daughter what to do if the water did go over her head.  If he’d let her choose whether or not to take the risk.

So if you promise me not to take a gun and shoot me, i feel pretty comfortable with that.  But if you promise me that you’ll never hurt me, or never leave me ~ well.  You know.  Really? 

 i may trust you not to intentionally harm me, but i still have some responsibility to weigh your promises for plausability.   Don’t promise unless you can back it up.

If you don’t make me a bunch of  impossible to guarantee promises, and if you keep the promises you do make, and don’t actually lie to me about other stuff ~

~~  if all that, then the trust between us grows and the next thing you know, i’m deep in trust with you.  That’s what trust means to me.

“The key is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who we want them to be- and when they’re not, we cry.” 

― Jewish Proverb

12 Responses to “Day 17 ~ Questions ~ 30 Days of Submission”

  1. sin September 11, 2012 at 7:30 am #

    Oh there’s so much to think about here!

    • aisha September 13, 2012 at 9:24 am #

      Thanks, Sin, I always take that as a compliment!

      aisha

  2. abby September 11, 2012 at 9:07 am #

    M yhead has been nodding all the time I was reading this…weel done, my friend. Like sin said..lots to think about! Trust such a big issue.
    Love the end quote, may I borrow it when I get to this questions?
    hugs abby

    • aisha September 13, 2012 at 9:24 am #

      Thanks, abby – and you’re welcome to borrow anything of mine anytime!!

      hugs,

      aisha

  3. ancilla_ksst September 11, 2012 at 11:12 am #

    Wow, that was an amazing and powerful story.

    • aisha September 13, 2012 at 9:25 am #

      Thank you, ancilla!

      aisha

  4. Wordwytch September 11, 2012 at 1:47 pm #

    Aisha, once again, I’m thinking that this could have been pulled from my brain. Almost word for word.

    As for your story… The things that come to mind are: 1) Don’t make promises you can’t/won’t keep. 2) Be wary of what you wish/ask for. You may not like the results. 3) Are you sure you want the answer to that question? For the answer might not be what you expected. 4) Honesty is a path to trust.

    This has been very enjoyable.

    • aisha September 13, 2012 at 9:27 am #

      Dear Wordwytch,

      Didn’t you know? In the night, i psychically cross the country and slip into your brain and pick it.

      Mwhahahahahahahaha… Thanks for sharing. 🙂

      aisha

      • Wordwytch September 13, 2012 at 2:02 pm #

        ROFLOL! And here I thought I was the only one who did that…

        oh wait… that’s conversations… Just ask Advizor or Wolf.

  5. faerie September 11, 2012 at 10:28 pm #

    Thank you for sharing that story. What’s a little girl to do? I can’t even articulate all the thoughts that line triggered for me. You’ve given me much to consider here my friend 🙂

    • aisha September 13, 2012 at 9:28 am #

      Thanks, faerie. i know, i wrote that line and felt a bunch of stuff. Interesting, isn’t it.

      hugs,

      aisha

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Trust | The Monkeys Journey - September 11, 2012

    […] wrote about trust here, and I was fascinated. I was halfway through when it hit […]

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