Day 24 ~ Questions ~ 30 Days of Submission

24 Sep

What are the emotions that most directly let you access submission? What feelings do they inspire?

This question confuses me ~ is it emotions that let me directly access submission?  How does that work? 

When i feel ___________, then i am able to directly access my submission.

Nope.  Not working.  Multiple choice?

i am able to directly access my submission best when i feel:

a)  sad

b)  mad

c)  glad  or

d) scared

Nope.  Doesn’t make sense to me.  And those are the four feeling groups.   They say that all other feelings are either varying degrees or combinations of those feelings.

Often, we confuse thoughts and feelings.  We say, “i feel like…. blah, blah, blah,” but what follows is not usually a feeling, the “blah, blah, blah” is not a feeling, it’s a thought.  

Feelings are usually one word, not a phrase or sentence.

Is “submissive” a feeling itself?  Some odd combination of all the feeling groups?

Maybe.

Yeah.  Think about this.

When He grabs my hair at the base of my neck, i feel submissive.  

And it’s a process, right?  It happens quickly, much faster than i can describe it, but it’s a process.

There’s a physical response ~ my heart beats faster, my breath quickens, i may blush, i feel hot.

Ok, that’s anxiety.  Or fear.  That’s a response to danger.  

Hmmmmm.

That’s the flight or fight response, but instead of running or fighting, i relax into it.  i know i’m not in real danger ~

~ although i stay in a state of alertness, right?  On edge, intense awareness of the moment, my environment, and Sir.

Physically, my body is responding to danger, and my mind knows i’m safe.  So there’s relief and risk all mingled together.   i feel aroused and my pussy gets wet and i demonstrate my submission.

i open to Him, in some way i signal Him that i’m not fighting His demand on my body, whatever the demand is, but i’m open to Him.  

Like dogs in a pack drop to the ground, belly up, to signal their submission to the alpha male, i do too.  In some figurative way, through body language or words, i concede to His power and control. 

Lots of anxiety in submission, even if i don’t label it that way, that’s what my body says.  

Last night, Sir said He would put me to bed.  Usually He waits til i’m in bed and tucks me in, but last night, while i’m brushing my teeth, He turns the covers down.

He leaves a long piece of rope on the bed where i would lay.

Heart beating faster, i wonder what the rope is for.

He has left the tether next to the bed all day.  Now there is rope on the bed.

What is He going to do?

i’m not actually surprised when He ties my wrists together.   He ties them in front of me, and tells me to lie down.

The ends of the rope seems short ~i’m thinking, ‘i won’t be able to move!’ but i lie down, on my side, which is how i sleep anyhow.  The rope reaches the tether, but without much room to move.

He attaches the rope to the tether.

“But, Sir,” i say, “i can’t roll over, or anything.”

“No,” He says, matter-of-factly, “You can’t.  Can’t touch yourself either, can you?”

“No, Sir,” i say.  

i can’t touch myself, can’t cover myself with the blankets either, i’m exposed, laying on my side, attached to the tether.

His hands are on me, as He does now when He tucks me in, His hands stroke my body, as if He is taking inventory, yes, there are her flanks, her breasts, yes, the nipples still get hard, legs, thighs.  His fingers explore my wetness just long enough to confirm my arousal.

Then He covers me with the sheet, pulls up the quilt.  

“Go to sleep,” He says.  “I’ll be in soon.”

Turns off the light and leaves me there.

In the darkness.  Tethered.  Helpless.  Tingling.

And safe.  

i fall asleep.

When He comes to bed, He unties my hands.  Half-awake, i feel Him loosening the rope, unwrapping my wrists, and smile.

He slides into bed behind me, spoons me, while His hands check my body one more time.  Like He’s leaving His mark on me, the imprint of His hands lingers.

It is such a mix of feelings that make up feeling submissive… is it fear followed by relief, mixed with some version of glad?  i don’t know.  More to think about.  

But i think “submissive” is a feeling itself.

**************************

Before all that, yesterday evening, i went to the fourth Sunday munch,  and had a lovely time, chatting with Ms. Constance mostly.

Now that she’s joined the ranks of bloggers, that’s a whole ‘nother topic for us to explore.  She blogged about the munch too ~ check it out here.  

She mentioned the 30 Days of Submission writing project that some of us submissives are doing and mentioned that she’s considering coming up with some questions for Doms/Masters/Tops.   Probably not 30, but some.   Wouldn’t that be cool?

13 Responses to “Day 24 ~ Questions ~ 30 Days of Submission”

  1. vanillamom September 24, 2012 at 8:03 am #

    oh, what an interesting response to a confuddling question. I think the “controlled danger” is the thing that many submissives gravitate to…I know that is true for me as well. Knowing He’s going to do *something* to me that I’m helpless to prevent, must “deal” with ….and yet still being “safe” (to the point that He won’t utterly destroy me)….yeah, that knife edge is pretty fucking intense. A lot of response there. Heart-pounding, body alert, a sensory “high” that most people don’t get all the time, if ever. Likely not in the “controlled violence” way that is D/s.

    I love that He send you to bed, takes ownership of you. Beautiful. The inventory part? Lovely, just lovely. I’m beyond happy for you…(there is a place a bit beyond happy, right?! If not, I’m inventing it right now!)

    Hugs,

    nilla

    • aisha September 25, 2012 at 8:21 am #

      Hey, ‘nilla,

      Good description – yeah, the knife’s edge. Walking that fine line. Yep.

      And i think there is a place right beyond happy, for sure ~ i’m living there, at least some of the time. Sweet.

      love,

      aisha

  2. MsConstanceExplains September 24, 2012 at 9:00 am #

    Sometimes, for a dominant, walking that line of “controlled danger.”

    I know that as much fun as it is to talk about the things I *might* do, and what I *could* do, there’s a point where it stops being sexy and exciting and becomes freaking scary.

    I can run the knife edge along your throat, reminding you about all that blood surging for me through your veins, even talk about what my power is, to spill that blood, to cut that skin, and that’s all hot and sexy.

    But if I push it too far, talk a little too much about where I’d bury the body, or start pushing on your jugular hard enough that you really feel the skin break… Well, hopefully your sense of self-preservation is going to kick in and you’re going to be thinking, basically, Bitch be crazy!

    That, I am told, is not hot and sexy, but scary in the way that makes one’s ass cheeks clench together.

    • vanillamom September 24, 2012 at 10:03 am #

      *laughing* You make an excellent point, Ms. Constance….and on a serious note, I think that if I didn’t trust my Master (or whomever I was serving) implicitly….then there would be a definite “self preservation” factor kicking in. I was once asked if I’d let my Dom kill my child(ren) or sever a limb from me…um. No. I’m submissive, but also self-aware. There is some essence of survival that lays below the surface for me…I can’t speak to the kink or submission of others but there is no way I’d do harm to my kids, or lose a limb for my Dom, unless I was jumping in front of a semi to save His life, as I would for anyone I loved. Does that make me less of a submissive? I don’t think so. I think it just makes me human. You’ll note that I didn’t say “normal”…*grin*…but human nonetheless.

      nilla

    • Wordwytch September 24, 2012 at 5:47 pm #

      Agreed! There is that fine line, and once crossed, it is so not sexy. I know what Wolf did before I met him, and what he is capable of, but I also trust him not to go that direction.

    • aisha September 25, 2012 at 8:27 am #

      Hi, Ms. Constance,

      And i always appreciate the reminder that real life dictates that one not throw self-preservation out the window completely. Sometimes i read and hear things that would suggest that it isn’t a factor, that a real slave would follow blindly anywhere, but dying would not be so cool.

      And really, a good slave would want to save the Master from any pesky homicide charges, wouldn’t they?

      aisha

  3. Wordwytch September 24, 2012 at 5:45 pm #

    That is a confusing question. For me, it is the need for emotional release of the stress and or emotional upheaval in my life that lets me access my submission. I know when things aren’t right, I ask ‘not to be in charge’ and Wolf complies. That morphs into what fits for the moment. Sometimes that is ‘curl up and go to sleep’. Other times that is a game of ‘guess the toy’. And on occasion, when I’m oblivious to things and ‘running on automatic’, Wolf will step in and take over.

    I don’t think it is any one thing, but a combo relative to the individual.

    Aisha, I love the way your Master puts you to bed. 🙂 I get the ‘you are now my human teddy bear’ and get held.

    • aisha September 25, 2012 at 8:29 am #

      Hi, Wordwytch,

      It is an interesting question isn’t it? Sounds like you and Wolf have a good understanding of what you need, and his role in that. Sweet.

      The “teddy bear” thing is sweet too. 🙂

      hugs,

      aisha

      • Wordwytch September 25, 2012 at 6:38 pm #

        What I find interesting is that he was being a Dom, long long before I knew I needed it. Now looking back, I think on things and go…. “Whoa!”. Sneaky bastard.

        I like being a teddy bear.

  4. sin September 25, 2012 at 7:30 am #

    I think submissive might be its own feeling too.
    -sin

    • aisha September 25, 2012 at 8:32 am #

      Hey, Sin,

      Yeah.

      You know, because knowing about feelings is kind of part of my career path, this is a fascinating question for me. i may have to blog more about it sometime.

      Nice to know you think it’s its own feeling too.

      aisha

  5. Wordwytch September 25, 2012 at 6:51 pm #

    By the way, I was telling Wolf about this post. He said if MsConstance did do a Dom’s question thing, that he’d participate. He’s been enjoying hearing the various questions and answers.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. 30 Days Of Submission: Day Twenty Four | Daddy's Naughty Little Girl - October 1, 2012

    […] reviewing Aisha’s answer which I like a lot,  I have actually came back and edited this post a lot as there wasn’t a […]

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