Day 26 ~ Questions ~ 30 Days of Submission

26 Sep

What are the qualities you seek in a dominant partner and why? Are some qualities deal-breakers as in “must” haves or “must not” have?

i started answering this, then i thought, “didn’t i blog about this before?”  A quick search turned up this post from January, 2011.

i can’t picture Him – i don’t know what He looks like.  Don’t know what He sounds like.  Don’t know where He lives, or what He does for a living.

He is more elusive than frigging Santa Claus.

He is someone i can respect.  Look up to in some ways.  Maybe even admire.  Someone who knows who He is, and isn’t afraid to be Himself.

He is strong, and gentle, and wise.  Funny and sweet.  Rough and demanding.

His hands stroke my face, twist my hair, spank my ass…  His hands smack my pussy, caresses my cheek, pull me to Him.  He holds me tight, bodies pressed together. 

His fingers rub my clit, grasp my nipples, slide inside my pussy, pressing up, pressing til He takes me up and up and – over the top

                    – tumbling down – gasping and moaning His name…

More elusive than frigging Santa Claus, He is.

He listens to me, and understands me.   He wants me to grow, while He grows Himself too, and between us we create a relationship that transcends who either of us are alone.  My submission and His dominance combine in an alchemy of the heart.

He knows that the symbolic has power beyond the concrete, and that magic trumps mundane.  Grounded firmly in reality, His spirit soars in other realms. 

Together, we fly.

In January 2012, i blogged about the list of qualities i want in a man, a list i had made way back in 2009. It looked like this:


  • Not in terrible health; not someone who talks about their blood pressure or diabetes all the time.
  • Not obese
  • Has a kind face – or a wise face, or maybe even an interesting face.
  • Interested in physical intimacy.


  • Not racist, sexist, classist, homophobic, and so on.  Appreciates diversity.
  • Has a social conscience; does some things to help make the world a better place.
  • Reasonably comfortable in social settings, not agoraphobic or with an anxiety disorder.
  • Has friends.
  • Fun to be with.  Likes to do things – listen to music, dance, go to events, festivals, plays, eat out, travel – at least some of those.


  • Intelligent
  • Likes to read, and is well-read.
  • Good sense of humor.
  • Interested in the world, curious, still learning.


  • Warm, caring, compassionate, empathic
  • Strong – has self-control, able to handle his own emotions, handles adversity reasonably well.
  • Sensitive – able to empathize with other’s pain, able to recognize his own pain and come to terms with it.
  • Generous, loving, sensual.
  • Not whiny, depressed, anxious, or dependent.
  • Capable of emotional intimacy.


  • Spirituality is a source of strength for him in some way.
  • Tolerant of a variety of spiritual traditions, can appreciate diversity.
  • Accepts my beliefs as valid for me, respects them even if he doesn’t agree or share them.

Back in January, when i blogged about that list, i was dancing-in-my-chair happy that Sir met all those criteria.  And He still does.

One last note though ~ the deal breaker for me, the most important quality of them all, the one i think should be on everyone’s list, is self-control.  

A Dom without self-control is a dangerous Dom.

i’m amused that i could answer this question by quoting myself, wonder if that means i’ve already said most of the things i need to say.  For sure, now that Sir and i have found each other, i am a happy submissive, a happy woman.

5 Responses to “Day 26 ~ Questions ~ 30 Days of Submission”

  1. sin September 26, 2012 at 8:39 am #

    I love how happy you sound!


    • aisha September 27, 2012 at 3:24 pm #

      Thanks, Sin! i really appreciate that.


  2. Wordwytch September 26, 2012 at 5:51 pm #

    You know, there is something special about being able to fill such a list. It’s hard enough to write them down at times. Even harder to find someone to fill it. You are so lucky. 🙂

    Oh, and for the most part, I was nodding along with you on your list. 🙂 The one thing I’d add is is that the relationship is of equals right up until we choose to let it shift.

    • aisha September 27, 2012 at 3:26 pm #

      Thanks, Wordwytch ~ i am lucky, in all kinds of ways, you’re so right!

      As for equality ~ well, yeah, didn’t i cover that in the “not sexist, classist, racist, homophobic, etc.?”

      on the same page,


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