Day 29 ~ Questions ~ 30 Days of Submission

29 Sep

Is pain or humiliation (spankings for example) a part of your submission? What is your relationship to it? Do you embrace it as a part of your submission, tolerate it as necessary or have some other type of relationship with it?

Short answer ~ yes.  Of course it’s part of my submission.

It turns me on.  

I’m pretty sure we already talked about this, didn’t we?

Yeah.  i’m not doing it again.

i begin to wonder if i’ve explored everything i need to explore here on this blog.  mouse and Omega deciding that mouse doesn’t need to post regularly has given me food for thought along those lines.

i read poppy’s submissions, and the beautiful and intense writing in response to this question, and i wonder where my passion is.  And not just poppy of course {although, she is fabulously popular, why am i just now finding her?}  

But there are so many intense blogs, as people explore who they are, and i feel like an old lady of kink, tethered to my rocking chair, quite comfortable despite the canes and antennas hanging over my head.

Not to say i don’t have passion ~ there’s plenty of it ~ but maybe not so much in my daily writing here.

No, i’m not ready to walk away from it, just playing with the idea.  i’m back to thinking i need to quit posting every day though.  Or maybe not.  

You know, i am one of those people who announces that it’s about time to leave a long time before i actually go.  i end up dancing on the doorstep, sharing one more thought, one more hug, as i say good-bye.

Someday, i will have a blog in my vanilla persona about kink, so if you’re reading some psychology thing about kink someday and you think, “omg, she sounds like aisha!” don’t out me, ok?

20 Responses to “Day 29 ~ Questions ~ 30 Days of Submission”

  1. Master Charles September 29, 2012 at 10:40 am #


    Yours is an important voice in the D/s community. Both My sub and I had serious concerns about mental health issues and her submission. My due diligence, as a Dom, was to do research and I thank God I found you and your awesome blog.

    Your struggle has been our struggle, but as a Dom; I could see the pitfalls before they happened, and I was able to guide My sub and I through turbulent waters.

    I have read your entire blog, from first post to current; and have gone back to several old posts to re-fresh my knowledge, grow my wisdom, and solidify My relationship.

    Please continue to post and lead by example. Allow us to be able to grow safely in our relationships through the exploration, analysis, and conclusions you experience on your journey. Please…don’t quit blogging.

    –Master Charles

    • aisha September 30, 2012 at 11:35 am #

      Thank you for the kind words, Master Charles, i’m so glad the blog has been helpful for you.

      i’m sure i’ll be around – it’s too hard to say good-bye anyhow! 🙂

      Maybe you need to start a blog – you and your wife? Create your own wisdom, so to speak. Just a thought…


  2. sin September 29, 2012 at 11:13 am #


    Just my opinion but… I think that while a series of questions like this can initiate posts, that you are better off without the questions. I think they bore you. You expected to like them, but really you don’t feel that you have as much to say with them as you had thought.

    And I think you still have plenty to say, all you need is a discussion that engages you, that you ARE passionate about.

    And I think you bring a uniquely knowledgeable and positive voice to the community, and hope that you will continue blogging with us.


    • aisha September 30, 2012 at 11:39 am #

      Dear Sin,

      Good insight – good point. Yeah, i did get kind of tired of them, i just thought i should demonstrate my perseverance… for sure, i write better when i’m feeling some passion.

      Thanks for the kind words. i’m sure i’ll be around, if not forever, for a good long time yet.



  3. ancilla_ksst September 29, 2012 at 11:20 am #

    I really enjoy your blog. I think it always interesting and insightful.

    • aisha September 30, 2012 at 11:40 am #

      Thank you,, ancilla! Appreciate the kind words.


  4. Fondles September 29, 2012 at 12:42 pm #

    i agree with sin. when i started the questions i thought they would provide tons to think and write about. and eventually i ended up doing them in batches to get thru them quicker. you might have been a little too advanced in exploring and understanding your submission for these questions. they felt like sub 101 when in reality, you’re in the post-graduate class you know?

    Don’t let that stop you from writing, i enjoy (and i’m sure tons of other people too) reading your thoughts, and you have much insight to share.

    but don’t feel pressured to write all the time, everyday, about everything then. just write when the mood strikes. we won’t hold it against you =)

    • aisha September 30, 2012 at 11:42 am #

      Hey, Fondles,

      Yes, that probably would have been a good move – to bundle them. Some of them spoke to me more than others. And i was kind of jealous when i saw how you were doing them.

      Thanks for the kind words. i do want to try just writing when the mood strikes me. We’ll see how that goes…



  5. jadescastle September 29, 2012 at 6:47 pm #

    i was thinking that the questions have you disinterested as well. Write from the heart, as you do so very well. And…gosh, there is nothing wrong with writing you are happy. i know i feel funny in my blog and have a hard time writing because what is there to say besides i’m *really* happy …and somehow that seems less interesting than angst or searching or whatever. But…readers need to see what happy looks like too. Heck, we may need reminders when the going gets tough as well. And on that note, i think i will stop procrastinating and put the clean laundry away. (Shhh. She’s not home. So it doesn’t count, right?)

    • aisha September 30, 2012 at 11:49 am #

      Dear jade,

      Hmph, so i get to be a poster child for “happy?’

      Grinning… ok. i’ll do it.

      Hope you got the laundry put away in a timely manner – and so glad you’re happy too!!


      • jadescastle October 1, 2012 at 1:34 pm #


        We don’t get a lot of examples or role models or concepts for what happy or content look like in life. Which is sad. And maybe because we haven’t seen it, read it, watched it….it is not the easiest thing to express. But…yeah….be a poster child for happy. i love it. 🙂

        You know…i have wondered if people self-sabatoge their happy and contentment at times mostly because we really don’t know what happily ever after looks like. Thats where the fairy tales end….and real life begins. And real life can (who knew?) have months of happy, peace, contentment. It seems so damned mysterious when its elusive.

        So…keep posting, poster child, k? 😀
        Hope the cold gets better.

  6. striving for peace September 29, 2012 at 10:22 pm #

    It’s your blog sweetie.

    there’s something about finding what we’re looking for
    and settling in to it

    it takes away the angst
    and I don’t know about you
    but the angst is what drove me to write.

    without it — the blogging isn’t a driving need
    sometimes it’s a task

    I love your blog and what it brings to the community
    but you blog for you

    not for us

    much love


    • aisha September 30, 2012 at 11:50 am #

      Dear sfp,

      Always the voice of reason. i love that.

      Yeah, it is different without the angst, without the uncertainty. We’ll see where i go withit.

      Thanks for the kind words, and the reminder.



      • sin September 30, 2012 at 1:25 pm #

        The angst, the uncertainty, the taking up the cudgels to champion someone else… There can be different reasons to blog, but it seems to me that it’s to communicate something.

        And sometimes, when you have exactly what you wanted… does it seem churlish to write about the tiny imperfections?


  7. Wordwytch September 30, 2012 at 1:14 am #

    The questions have been interesting, and as others have mentioned, there seems to be a sence of Been There Blogged That. Which is fine. It just means that you already covered whta it took someone else 30 questions to figure out.

    I would miss your blog if it disappeared. Like so many others, it’s a journey, and you’ve invited us along for the ride. It is your choice if you’ve reached the destination. What I enjoy is that you share with us. Your ups, downs, sighs, frustrations and passions, and Joys.

    Lots of hugs and If it is to be, it is up to thee.

    • aisha September 30, 2012 at 11:51 am #

      Thank you, Wordwytch, it’s nice to feel appreciated. Thanks for the support too, whatever i decide to do



      • Wordwytch October 2, 2012 at 2:46 am #

        Hugs! How could I do any thing else?

  8. vanillamom October 1, 2012 at 12:33 pm #

    well, I’ll add my voice to the chorus of “don’t leave us…” 🙂

    you have an amazing clarity that, while maybe it’s not as “exciting and extreme” as other blogs, has its own voice, its own power, its own resonance in the BD/sm community. Your leaving would put a big black hole in the blogosphere, for certain.

    I actually did not write for 3 days during the month of September, and it was strictly about not having time to sit and write. Some days are just like that and I’m learning to roll with it. But blogging is very important to me, and I deeply miss it when I’m away from it. Gods, how else could i calm the dragons ? ! LOL….

    You are an inspiration…and whatever you decide to do, we’ll live with it.




  9. Lady P October 7, 2012 at 12:23 pm #

    Dear Aisha
    Being one of your regular lurkers I would be very sad if you stopped blogging. Your approach to BDSm blogging is very special and I have not found the likes of your blog anywhere else in the blogosphere. Your unique combination of psychology and kink is …ahh I’m at a loss for words … intriguing, empathetic, uplifting, insightful. As a fellow Mental Health Professional I have read your thoughts on kink with enhanced interest and have found your interpretations and thoughts on the interplay between f.i. childhood patterns and kink thought-provoking. And that is really the best blogs, isn’t it? – Those that make us think further by ourselvves, ponder the topics and reflect upon them in our own lives. I really think your blog should be required reading for sexologists (or Sex therapists in the US, maybe?). How about combining your insights and thoughts in a different blog or changing the nature of this one? That’s where I’ve felt the most passion in you – when you combine your insights.
    I mean, really, writing on your blog could be practise for that article, you know.
    Sincerely, LadyP

    • aisha October 7, 2012 at 2:27 pm #

      Thank you, Lady P. Those words are really helpful, and i appreciate it a lot.

      i guess i agree with you, in that i have a lot of passion for understanding the interface between kink and abuse and psychology and all of that. So it’s really nice to hear that you think i offer something special there. And i agree that i need to keep blogging, or writing, about it.

      i’m really not sure if i need to do something different in terms of a new blog, and i’m just not sure what the best way to do it is. But i guess i’ll just keep doing what feels right and figure it out for there.

      Thank you again for the encouragement!!


      P.S. You said the “… interplay between f.i. childhood patterns and kink” and i’m drawing a blank on what f.i. stands for. Help??

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: