Simmering

21 Oct

i’ve been hurting this week about some things that happened with a friend a while back and haven’t been resolved.  The way it’s playing out kicks in that old, old belief of mine that if i tell people how i feel when i’m hurt, they will go away ~ and that’s my fault because there’s something wrong with me.

You know, we all have some fear like that, the fear that we’re not ok, not good enough, not lovable.   It’s irrational, and not based on fact, and it’s still super powerful.  When it digs its claws in, it can be hard to get free again.

A beating helps.  A good ass whipping can dispel some of that, and make me feel a whole lot better.  { Why is that? }

But this weekend, i talked to Sir about it ~ not for the first time, but this time i share the underbelly of my feelings about it.  i let Him see that i have gone from some unfortunate events deep into a place of shame.

He listens and listens and asks questions and there is magic in His words and such tenderness in His voice, and as we talk it is as if He draws some poison from my soul.  

Yeah, i know that sounds dramatic, but it was just like that.  

It leaves me in thrall to Him.

“In thrall to.”  i am “in thrall to Him.”

i love that phrase ~ it came to my mind, and then i wasn’t sure it meant what i thought, so i had to look it up.  From the online dictionary, we get:

a. One, such as a slave or serf, who is held in bondage. b. One who is intellectually or morally enslaved. 

Yep, that’s what i thought it meant, and that’s what i am.

So this morning, while we’re sitting here doing our separate on-line things, He reaches over and touches my shoulder.

Pulls my robe back to expose my breast.

Caresses my bare shoulder with one thumb, then lays His hand on my upper chest.

My whole body responds with a shiver of pleasure and lust.  My exposed nipple is hard, thrusting out, seeking His touch.

And He does, He takes the nipple between thumb and forefinger, gently, dispassionately, rolls it back and forth.

A shudder runs through my body and i moan, hips thrusting upwards, seeking more.

He plays for a minute, maybe a minute, just His fingertips on one exposed nipple, making me cry out.

Then He releases the nipple, places His hand on my throat, pressing just enough that i feel the control.  i whimper.

He releases my throat, pushes my robe back in place, and turns His attention back to His computer, leaving me hot and longing for more.

Simmering.  i am always simmering these days.  On the verge of boiling over. 

In thrall to Him.

23 Responses to “Simmering”

  1. sin October 21, 2012 at 8:44 am #

    lucky girl.
    -sin

    • aisha October 22, 2012 at 10:37 am #

      Thanks, Sin, believe me, I know that!

      aisha

  2. vanillamom October 21, 2012 at 9:09 am #

    I can very easily see why you would be “in thrall”…i totally get it. 🙂

    What a hellova way to start a day!

    nilla

    • aisha October 22, 2012 at 10:38 am #

      Hey, ‘Nilla,

      Grinning… yeah. That’s really all i can say – yeah.

      hugs,

      aisha

  3. Kitty the Submissive Wife October 21, 2012 at 9:49 am #

    Oh my goodness… that was hot. Seriously hot.

    • aisha October 22, 2012 at 10:38 am #

      Hey, Kitty,

      Cool! i’m glad you liked it!

      aisha

  4. jade October 21, 2012 at 10:40 am #

    Such beauty contained in this. Powerful. Sharing shame, letting it go, is intense, no? i hope you are as proud of yourself as he is of you. 🙂
    That is hard work and i’m glad you got what you need, when you needed it.

    • aisha October 22, 2012 at 10:39 am #

      Hi, Jade,

      Thank you. Yeah, it is hard work, thank you for the support and understanding!

      hugs,

      aisha

  5. striving for peace October 21, 2012 at 10:49 am #

    I’m sorry you’ve been hurting, my friend.

    sfp

    • aisha October 22, 2012 at 10:40 am #

      Hi, Sfp,

      Thank you. 🙂

      aisha

  6. ancilla_ksst October 21, 2012 at 11:20 am #

    It’s like I’m there with you- I can feel how it is myself. Nice!

    • aisha October 22, 2012 at 10:40 am #

      Hey, Anciilla,

      Cool! That’s exactly how i want it to be! Thanks…

      aisha

  7. SirQsMLB October 21, 2012 at 1:29 pm #

    It’s amazing how these human minds of ours work. Why oh why do we let our subconscious run amuck undermining our self-esteem…but as our logical mind knows this, it just can’t seem to change course of our subconscious. I love that you included the definition…because just as I was reading it, I though, hmmm does that mean what I think it means =)
    It just about kills me when Sir has a taste and nothing more. I want so much for more. But then I want his control and that solidifies it – right there. Complicated.

    • aisha October 22, 2012 at 10:52 am #

      Hi, SirQsMLB,

      It is amazing, isn’t it, how logic disappears? i think it’s soul work we’re doing though, those things that trigger the deep-seated insecurity and allow it to surface so we can work through it. It sucks, but it’s important to do.

      And it is complicated – the giving up control, and what that means. Sfp’s post here today sure exemplifies that dichotomy –

      http://jumpingonin.blogspot.com/2012/10/when-no-feels-like-yes.html

      hugs,

      aisha!

  8. Wordwytch October 21, 2012 at 1:37 pm #

    Beautiful moments. Full of love, lust and trust. Ahhhhhhh.

    • aisha October 22, 2012 at 10:52 am #

      Hi, Wordwytch,

      Yes, there’s not much that ‘s better than love, lust, and trust!

      hugs,

      aisha

  9. faerie October 21, 2012 at 2:17 pm #

    What a wonderful moment, seemingly casual and inconsequential, yet really very powerful 🙂

    • aisha October 22, 2012 at 10:53 am #

      Hi, Faerie,

      Yes, it’s those little moments that make TTWD what they are…

      hugs,

      aisha

  10. nancy October 21, 2012 at 9:00 pm #

    I’m so glad he is able to pull you out like that. As for being in thrall.. I love that word!

    • aisha October 22, 2012 at 10:53 am #

      Thanks, Nancy – and yes! Me too – on both counts!

      hugs,

      aisha

  11. yesthankyousir October 21, 2012 at 9:09 pm #

    Sending you loads of love, that your hurt heals quickly. Also that the situation will have new light shed on it and maybe you both can heal.

    It makes me smile to read the contentment in your words regarding Him.

  12. abby October 21, 2012 at 9:53 pm #

    This post is full of love, respect and healing. Thanks for the definition I have a new word to try on Master!

    hugs abby

    • aisha October 22, 2012 at 10:54 am #

      Hi, Abby,

      Yes, it really is. Like Sin says, i’m a lucky girl!

      hugs,

      aisha

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