The Last Liebster Questions

28 Nov

Ancilla, from Slave to Master, gave me the Liebster Award.  Thank you, Ancilla!!  

i think of Ancilla as one the new generation of bloggers ~ she started blogging in August. She’s been married since 1993, but they just recently added kink to the relationship, which  fascinates me.  You can visit her blog here

Here are her questions:

1. When did you realize were “kinky”, if ever?  Well, the tendencies were there quite young, but i didn’t have a name for it that i could accept til about  8 or so years ago.

2. What is your favorite fantasy?  Um, see A Dash of Fantasy. At least, that’s my favorite for the moment.

3. What is the fantasy that you wish would get out of your head, but keeps coming back, if there is one?  i don’t think there is one.  i used to wish all my kinky fantasies would go away, but that was a long time ago.

4. Where do feel most at home?  Not to sound corny, but at home.  i’ve lived in the same house for a long time, and just in the last few years have made it reflect my self and grown to love it.  With Sir living here now, it’s really my perfect home.

5. What do you most want from the person you are with, whether that is a partner/Dom/sub/slave/Master?  To be seen ~ truly seen as i am ~ and loved.

6. Why do you write a blog?  i started out writing it because i discovered it was fun to write about the kinky things i was doing, then i discovered that it was helpful for me to write about what i was thinking and feeling.  Then i discovered the blogging community and the circle of support i have here.  It’s still all of those things ~ fun, helpful, and a community.  If it ever quits being that, i guess i’ll quit blogging.

7. What is your favorite TV show?  Um, L.A. Law?  i used to love that show.   It ran from 1986- 1994, and i quit watching TV in ’95, when we moved to this house.  i haven’t watched ~ except occasionally ~ since then.  

8. Favorite dessert?  O, ice cream.  Chocolate, chocolate chunk.  In a waffle cone.

9. Favorite time of day?  Early morning.  Even when i was a little kid, i’d get up long before anyone else, before dawn, and enjoyed it.  When my kids were little, it was my time to breathe.  And i made it through graduate school by doing a bunch of studying before anyone else was up.

10. Do you believe in God/ are you a spiritual person?   i don’t believe in the traditional, patriarchal image of God.  i’ve recently realized that i’m not Catholic any more, but  i am very spiritual.  i’m “seeking” these days to define and explore what i do believe.

That could be a whole blog post by itself.  Enough to say that i believe that “God is Love” is a good starting place. 

11. What is your favorite sexual position?  Missionary style ~ Him on top, but with my knees raised.  Simple but effective.

Great questions, Ancilla, and thanks again for the award!

While i’m blogging this morning anyhow, there’s something on my mind.  It’s one of those “do i really want to put this on the blog?” kind of things, and i debated it with myself for a bit.

i don’t know sometimes if my reticence is a sign that i shouldn’t talk about something, that it’s really too private, or if it means i need to look at my feelings around whatever-it-is.

But yeah, i’m gonna talk about it.  Here i go.

i have been thinking for a while that i wanted to be more connected to Sir in a kink way.  We are very connected in many ways, and. i wasn’t trying to solve a problem, just looking for ways to build what we have.

So i thought, hmmmm,  maybe i need to spend some time every day ~ a few moments, an hour, whatever ~ paying attention to His cock.

Or maybe not.

The idea would come back, and i’d push it away.   i’d think, no, that needs to be His idea.  i’d think, no, i don’t wanted to commit to that.   

You know, i have issues around this kind of “you have to” commitment.   Really, if it had been His idea, it might have freaked me out.

So i kept circling around it.  

Remember that book someone wrote recommending couples commit to having sex {with each other} every day for 30 days?   That seems contrived and the idea of having to have sex on a day i don’t want to kind of makes me sick at my stomach.

{Laughing…} i said i had issues, didn’t i?   Don’t ask me why that’s different from being always accessible to Sir.  i don’t know exactly, it just is.

Anyhow.  Despite that, the idea of adding a component of cock worship to my usual routine of sitting at His feet, and making sure we did it daily, kept coming back to me.

Monday, i approached Him with the idea.  A little worried.  You know, what if, what if, what if….

i wasn’t afraid He’d think i was topping from the bottom, i can tell him anything, suggest anything, if He doesn’t want it, He’ll say no.  

This kind of suggestion would have to come from me, it’s not the kind of thing He’s likely to think of.  He doesn’t spend time reading blogs, He’s more likely to be thinking about tethers and paddles and hands-on implements of kink.  So if it was going to happen, it had to come from me.

Once i’d really decided, it was surprisingly easy to do.

And um, maybe not surprisingly, He thought it was a lovely idea.   He was not against it at all.   {laughing…}

So we started last night, we’re going to try every day for 30 days and see what happens.  It doesn’t have to be a full-out, goal oriented thing, if you know what i mean, but at least some time spent in cock-worship.

And we’ll see how it goes…

16 Responses to “The Last Liebster Questions”

  1. striving for peace November 28, 2012 at 7:55 am #

    sometimes the things we offer them are the sweetest.

    very nice my friend

    sfp

    • aisha November 28, 2012 at 7:42 pm #

      Thank you, Sfp. 🙂

      aisha

  2. faithful November 28, 2012 at 8:36 am #

    Sounds like a fantastic goal to me.

    Win/Win for everyone involved!

    ~faithful

    • aisha November 28, 2012 at 7:45 pm #

      Thanks, faithful, yes, i think it will be too.

      aisha

  3. Kitty the Submissive Wife November 28, 2012 at 9:43 am #

    Oh, I am interested to hear how that goes!

    I also don’t watch TV really anymore. I don’t really miss it, although I will find a series now and again on Netflix and watch through that. (Does that count?)

    • aisha November 28, 2012 at 7:58 pm #

      Hi, Kitty,

      i don’t think Netflix counts ~ but what do i know? lol…

      And i’m sure we’ll see how it goes. 🙂

      aisha

  4. vanillamom November 28, 2012 at 10:00 am #

    I think that’s a wonderful idea…a period of time each day devoted to being with one another? NOt letting the press of the day in, not letting anything be…except you, and He…what’s wrong with that? In my book …absolutely nothing…and everything good. I have a question.

    And if it’s personal, go ahead and whack me. 🙂

    do you (and I say this knowing that you’ve had past trauma, so I’m just being flat-out nosey here, and hoping this isn’t a trigger of any kind)…have rape fantasies? That’s the one thing I keep coming back to as that “fantasy that I wish would just go away” and doesn’t. I dunno…maybe i”m wierd…but the thing that gets me hot and stewy is the idea of being taken, used…not so much in a violent, knock ya down and fuck, but “this is what I’m gonna do…gonna get you all turned on against your will..t.hen fuck your brains out” kind of way.

    That would be a kind of amended rape fantasy, right?

    okay…shutting down my wierdness and moving on…

    nilla

    • aisha November 28, 2012 at 7:35 pm #

      This is a great question, ‘Nilla, can i use it in a blogpost?

      aisha

      • vanillamom November 28, 2012 at 10:31 pm #

        absolutely. Its a question i explore in my own head a lot…not, tho…with any form of self-loathing…i accept that it is part of what turns me on..since discovering D/s I’ve really come to not loathe myself for thinking about this as a fantasy.

        nilla

  5. jadescastle November 28, 2012 at 11:27 am #

    Good for you, darlin’, for asking for what you need. That is always a little scary, isn’t it? Incidentally, i don’t believe in Topping from the bottom. Yep. i think that is total BS. Either she will say yes….or no. But i don’t have some kind of super human powers to force her hand either way (nor would i want to). A slave can attempt to manipulate, i guess, but who are you really hurting by doing that? i don’t like anything between us.

    @Nilla….i’m sure Aisha will point this out as well….but rape fantasy is incredibly normal. It makes sense that we would want to have a situation that allows for us to have the intensity of such an experience removed from the guilt our culture/religion tries to dump on us for not being “good/pure enough.” If it helps, i will share that i have been raped a few times in life mostly as a child, and occasionally have a fantasy that on the face of it is a rape fantasy. Real rape is, obviously, not what this is about. But who among us doesn’t crave full loss of control, at least at times? i liken it to the way that it is common for gays/lesbians to have sexual fantasies about straight sex and vice versa. It does not mean you really want that. i hope this helps and hope Aisha doesn’t mind (but if i thought she did, i wouldn’t have written). 🙂

    • aisha November 28, 2012 at 7:35 pm #

      Hey, Jade,

      Can i use your answer to ‘Nilla in a blogpost?

      aisha

      • jadescastle November 28, 2012 at 10:05 pm #

        Nods. Of course you can use my answer. The comments are a part of *your* blog. 🙂

    • vanillamom November 28, 2012 at 10:35 pm #

      Hey there Jade…thank you…that was a great response. It’s such a tricky road, even in this lifestyle. I have no control when I’m with my Master (and often when He isn’t here either, really)…but it isn’t the same as the fantasy rape. Sometimes it just feels…not wrong…but…i don’t know how to explain it…but certainly my darker blogposts are from my own imaginings of such dark desires. And you’re right…it isn’t something i *want* to happen! Don’t want any of my readers sayin’ oh, that nilla, she wants this bad…so it’s not actionable in my reality. Does that make sense? But in bed with my vibe? oh boy. Guaranteed orgasm.

      nilla

  6. mouse November 28, 2012 at 11:33 am #

    Oh aisha,

    First you answered the questions beautifully yet, when mouse read the last part…she got the giggles. They were, quite naturally happy giggles. So many thoughts are running through mouse’s mind….All at once. Yes, the male member is perfectly suited for being a meditative tool. But more so, it’s beautiful to spend time each day appreciating and actively loving your Master.

    Each morning mouse used to wake Daddy with oral, since the baby that’s fallen more or less by the way side (honestly, there’s just too much to do each morning and waking O that way, just lands right smack in the middle of all the busy stuff). So we replaced it with evening time. Where mouse is at his feet…and yes, there’s that type of worship done…nearly every night.

    It’s really quite lovely and mouse really hopes this is something that stays in your life.

    Hugs,
    mouse

    • aisha November 28, 2012 at 8:06 pm #

      Hey, Mouse,

      Gosh, that’s right, i forgot that you did that! Hmmm. Maybe i’m more like you than i realize… 🙂

      Thanks, Mouse – and it’s nice to see you here!

      aisha

  7. Wordwytch November 29, 2012 at 2:17 am #

    Lovely post. Great ideas. I’d love to have a routine of sorts, especially as life has been so crazy at this end of the universe. 🙂 Having our little rituals is always a good thing.
    I’m looking forward to see how this blogpost morphs.

    (very tired, waiting on Gbaby #9 to arrive and missing Wolf)

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