i don’t much like roller coasters, not the kind you ride at the amusement park, and not the emotional kind either.
JM, the amazing analyst, reminded me yesterday that it’s ok to cry, and i totally know that. You know i know that. We all know that.
On the other hand, i’m pretty sure that doesn’t apply to ME.
So when YOU cry, it’s healthy and part of life and i’m all for it. You don’t have to know why. You’re just feeling whatever you feel, and that’s all good. Really.
When i cry ~ well, i don’t like it, i don’t want to, and it needs to stop, There’s no reason for me to be crying, it’s ridiculous, blah, blah, blah.
Yes, i know that’s not “right.”
Sigh.
On the same day, practically at the same time, i’m happier than i’ve ever been.
Yes, i know that’s ok. That’s a plus, right? A positive.
But that’s what creates that roller coaster feeling, and remember, that’s where we started, i don’t like that either.
i know, i wish i’d done a Naomi post today too!
i think i need to be beaten. It’s been seems-like-forever, other than the other night when i wanted ~ needed ~ it to stop.
See what i’m saying? Up and down. Round and round. No – wait, that’s the merry-go-round.
Sigh.
It’s pouring down rain, and has been for days. That’s a cliché, but that’s what it’s doing. i have great rain gear. As i get ready to go stand in the rain for an hour and fifteen minutes, i’m grateful for that.
Sir and i went to the munch last night, saw Ms. Constance and Cookie Slut and a bunch of other people who you will get to meet too if you come to the kinky bloggers convention.
i’m rambling ~ this is the post with no actual point.
And that’s ok. i can do that, right? So what if you’ve come to expect better of me? Hmpf. You can have better on a different day.
This post has been brought to you by Grumpy, Cries-a-Lot-and-Doesn’t-Like-it, No-Zen aisha. The other aisha will be back tomorrow. Or the next day.
aisha 
Hugs..I am not a roller coaster person either…in life or at amusement parks…it took many years before Master saw me cry…Hugs…and remember amusement parks are for letting go and enjoying…you will get there!
hugs abby
Hi, Abby,
It’s interesting, isn’t it, how many of us have the anti-crying thing going on. And how often TTWD break through that.
Ok, letting go and enjoying… 🙂 working on it now.
hugs,
aisha
I’ve yelled at my kids, the dog, the cat (well, each of them, together and separately) and myself. I’ve postponed my crying for later when it’s convenient. I’m not sure when that will be, exactly, but I might explode before then.
I’ve come to expect this to be a December thing. When expectations are high and energy flags. I hope you get your ticket to get OFF the roller coaster, and settle onto the nice train that just rolls around the park where you can see all of it at a nice, calm pace. When you get there? Save me a seat.
Love and hugs,
nilla
Hey ‘Nilla,
Is it a December thing? Gosh, i hope not. But whatever it its, i’ll ride it out – and you know i’ll be saving you a seat!!
Hugs and love,
aisha
oh sis
is it wrong that you made me laugh out loud this morning? Because you and I have often discussed crying — and I agree
crying if for OTHER PEOPLE
not me
We love you
and yes
perhaps you need to get sanding so you may have your (gasp – it’s a shocking word to type) beating.
much love
sfp
Dear Sfp,
You know it’s not wrong that i made you laugh out loud! i love that! And i hope my whiny self is always encased in a touch of humor.
Thanks for the love. 🙂
Btw, Sir has not started me sanding yet, and i find myself looking forward to it. He is diabolical.
hugs,
aisha
Completely maddening when one’s sense of perspective goes on walkabout, isn’t it?
Even tho’ you know it WILL come back, it’s irritating to be left hanging like this…
Yy
no, wait…
Yy
(this calls for two)
Dear Jz,
Yes.
Thank you for getting it.
And TY for the TWO shoulder bumps.
🙂
aisha
I love the highs. I’ve never had highs like on the D/s roller coaster. But yes, I hear you.
-sin
Dear Sin,
Ok, truth be told, i’m partial to the highs too.
And i don’t think this is a D/s low. i think it’s a vanilla low. 😦
And thank you.
aisha
Actually, i think it is rather zen to just be. If that is a flood of “conflicting” emotions then so be it. i understand exactly what you mean about all emotional expression that harms none is terrific….for other people.
It does sound like a beating might be very cathardic, provided going into it you both know that is the intent. Strange things can happen during cathardic beatings. Like when i *shocked* myself by crying and i *never* cry. Not that i’m jinxing you or anything.
Shit, i meant for this to be helpful. Supportive. i ❤ you…really.
Hugs,
jade (who clearly also needs a Beating really, really badly)
Hi, Jade,
It was a helpful comment!!
And i’ve BEEN crying – at the drop of a hat. A flashmob music thing made me cry. All kinds of things. If i watched TV, i’d be crying at commercials.
JM, the amazing analyst, pointed out that it’a like a rainy day, we need rain, blah, blah, blah. i pointed out that, yes, that’s absolutely true, for HIM and other people {lol…}
Hope you get your beating soon…
hugs,
aisha
Oh I soooo understand that. I hate to cry. It is exhausting to me, it gives me a headache. Somehow, it also feels like me being a drama queen – which is something that I loathe. I KNOW it’s not, but like you said it’s for you just not me. I don’t know.
Hi Mlb,
It can be exhausting. In my youth, it didn’t bother me, but it gives me a headache too if i cry to much. Which just seems unfair. And yes, i agree with the drama queen aspect too – it can feel like that for sure.
hugs,
aisha
Oh the roller coaster…It’s like a merry-go-round on meth. I have a bad habit of trying to jump off at the top–you know, the worst possible place one could leap from.
I don’t think we expect “better.” We expect you.
And we all have our “cries-a-lot-and-doesn’t-like-it, no Zen” days.
Hi, Lil,
Lol… yes, that jumping off at the top is hardly ever a good idea.
i’m glad you don’t expect “better.” 🙂
hugs,
aisha
aisha,
it occurred to me after i left the comment (as hindsight so often does), that it might have come off as slightly insulting. Such was not my intention–Just meant that you are great, so I don’t think you need to worry about being “better”.
No, we’re fine, I wasn’t insulted at all. But thanks for checking back.
🙂
Aisha
Sent from my iPhone
My secret- I cry in the shower.
Sometimes over Master (not him, but our situation)
Sometimes over my BF who passed and I just hate G-d for taking her from me
Sometimes over my family
Sometimes for no reason at all
But I do it often and I guess then I cleanse myself and the tears get washed down the drain (how cliche’ is that?)
Anyway most days I emerge from the shower ready to go and leave it all behind and no messy makeup to fix 🙂
nilla has a great point about December. The holidays fuck with our emotions.
sfp too- YES- you need to start sanding and make that paddle yours. He is waiting.
~faithful
Hi, Faithful,
Gosh, i used to cry in the shower when my kids were little. What memories that conjures…
Yeah, that’s what JM the amazing analyst says, that tears are cleansing.
Sheesh,maybe i should do it more often!!
hugs,
aisha
Hugs from the “cries -alot- and -doesn’t- like-it, so-not-zen” poster monkey. I love your fiction aisha, but these are the posts I love even better. The human ones.The real ones. ❤
Hey, Monkey,
Thank you! 🙂
That’s nice to hear…
hugs,
aisha
Ditto, Ditto, Ditto, Ditto. The whole month of December has been a roller coaster, as was November. Traveling more than I’ve been home. Wolf and I separated, and then Wolf sick. Add to that being grandma and a brand new grandboy. Too many emotional ups and downs. I do need to cry, but that won’t happen for a while. I definitely could us a spanking, but that is on hold too.
And I’m with Monkey. The fiction is great, but real life is good too. It lets us know we aren’t alone in our crazy mixed up worlds.
Hugs! Hugs for the aisha that is and aisha that will be.
Hi, Wordwytch,
i know you’ve been up and down too!! Hoping things settle for you soon, and that Wolf is feeling better.
Hope you get spanked real soon!
And thanks for the support, always.
hugs,
aisha
Yes, I have. And a number of little things have added up to big things. Wolf is feeling better at long last. He rarely gets the flu, and this has nailed him. ugh.
I showed Wolf your paddle, and he said…”Now we need Nilla and Night Owl’s Sirs to have paddles so that we can be the four Sirs of the Apaddllypse ” (this is how I know he’s feeling better!)
Hugs to you!
I think I warned Sir S from early on that life with me would be rather like a roller coaster ride. I haven’t disappointed him. He says I am very “changeable”. And he likes it.
Thank goodness.
HUGS
Hi, Night Owl,
Ah, so you’re up and down all the time! Sheesh – how do you take that? It just wears me out.
But i’m so glad you Sir likes you that way!! That’s what matters most, isn’t it?
hugs,
aisha
I hate roller coasters too.
I like stability. I like knowing where everything is- myself included.
Hugs.
(Psst.. Btw crying IS for u too- n yes u shud have just done a Naomi post. But rambling nonzen Aisha is also very well loved!)
Hey, Fondles,
NOOOOOO… crying is not for me too! {giggle….}
and i’m glad that you love the rambling, non-zen aisha too!
hugs,
aisha