Follow Up on Getting Enough

14 Dec

People are still voting in the poll i set up on Wednesday, and i may revisit that page periodically to see if the numbers have changed.  In fact, i think i’ll post a link to that page from time to time and invite people to go vote.

But for now, here are the results:  41 people answered the question:

Submissives: Are you getting enough?

There is too much sex/kink/control in my life 0% (0 votes)

There is too little sex/kink/control in my life. 78.05% (32 votes)

There is a just-right amount of sex/kink/control in my life. 12.2% (5 votes)

Other: 10% (4 votes)

9 people answered the question

Dominants: Are you satisfied with the level of kink/sex/control in your household?

I would like more. 77.78% (7 votes)

I would like less. 0% (0 votes)

I’m in control here, it is just right. 22.22% (2 votes)

It’s interesting that only 9 Dominants responded, and 41 submissives.  i got 412 total hits that day so theoretically about 12% of the people who visited the blog actually participated in the survey.  Of course, maybe those numbers reflect the actual ratio of submissives to dominants who read here.  

i could believe that 82% of my readers are submissive ~ although that’s probably not accurate either.  Some people who read here may identify as switches, and some people may not be kinky at all, and some of those hits were probably mistakes.  

While most of the search terms people use to get here seem clearly linked to me, some are ~ not so much.  Someone was looking for “collar me puppy girl,” who is certainly not me.  Or “shibari master,” which i suppose could be Sir D, but would be some very old posts.  

“Sleep kinky sex.”  Really?  Like this puts you to sleep, or i’m kinky when i’m asleep, or what?  “Roller coaster” or “Roller for a roller coaster”  also got people here, which may have been a real shock to them.

So did “striving for peace bdsm blog” and ‘bill nilla” – so my apologies to sfp and ‘nilla!!  “Shave my head bald sir” was certainly not looking for me ~ although i do remember that discussion in the blogosphere a while back.  It’s actually not a topic i care to revisit.

“Epilady as torture submissive” however, i totally claim as mine.  i do use one, and it is torture!  And i’ve written about it here.  

But anyhow.  i digress.  Clearly, submissives identify ourselves as “not getting enough.”  NONE of the submissives who took the poll felt like they were getting too much.  Isn’t that interesting?  78% of us ~ not enough.  i have no idea what it means.

It could be a matter of time.  Distance.  Illness.  Or differing amounts of desire between partners.

None of the Dominants were getting too much either, and the percentage who were getting too little was just about the same as the submissive percentage.  

We also don’t know if the people who responded were not getting enough sex, kink, OR control, or not enough of all three of those, or some combination.   That would require a much longer study, and then we’d still want to know more about it, right?

i wonder sometimes ~ ok, bear with me.  This is going to be a very unscientific venture down what should be a better researched path.  But here we go.

i remember reading a long time ago about a study done with mice or rats in which they pressed a lever  or bar and the pleasure center of their little brains was stimulated, so they got a nice little rush of pleasure.  Well, as you can imagine, they LOVED it.  They would push the lever til they were exhausted.

They would push the pleasure bar rather than the one that would give them food.  Literally, they’d go hungry in their ongoing quest for more pleasure.  They would walk across an electric field to get to the pleasure lever.   They were all about the pleasure.

i think the study was looking at how addiction and some kinds of  street drugs work on people.  But i thought about it back in the day when i was dating Mike Moore.

Mike Moore, who i mentioned recently, was my gateway to submission, and the King of Giving Women Orgasms.  

Let me be clear, Sir gives me plenty of orgasms too, that is not lacking in my life.  But for Mike Moore, it was a project.  i know i’ve said this before, but i want to be clear now – about 3 times a day, he would induce me to have a series of orgasms, maybe somewhere between 5 and 20.  Three times a day.

i was walking around in a glow of endorphins.  Really.  i lost weight effortlessly.  i floated through stressful days at work.  i glowed.  

It was phenomenal.

i wanted the contact with Mike pretty constantly.  i couldn’t wait to see him again.  i always wanted more.

Now some of that was not strictly sexual, there was lots of stuff going on there.  But even at the time, i remembered the mouse study and wondered how far i would go to push the lever for more orgasms.

The final interesting thing about the mouse study is that the behavior of pushing the pleasure bar was easily extinguished when the rewards stopped.  So if the mouse pushed the bar and nothing happened, they wouldn’t keep trying very long.   They’d lose interest.

And it seems to work that way for me too.  When i’m getting lots ~ control, kink, or sex ~ i want more.  When i’m not “getting any” i can go into some kind of arousal hibernation.   i may not initiate,  i may lose interest.

i don’t know what all this means but it’s fun to think about, isn’t?  What do youall think?

16 Responses to “Follow Up on Getting Enough”

  1. striving for Peace December 14, 2012 at 6:33 am #


    so much to comment on.

    giggles that they got you when googling me — as i have my blog set to “ungoogleable” .

    and a yes to when I don’t get any I tend to go into hibernation
    and would likely be there now — except that I read blogs and am reminded that other mice’s bars work just fine


    • aisha December 16, 2012 at 8:50 am #

      Hi, Sfp,

      Yes, blogs do serve that purpose, don’t they? For me too, and i’ll read blogs while i’m not likely to go looking for kinky videos.

      That is funny too – i’d forgotten that you aren’t google-able. Doesn’t account for the bill ‘nIlla thing though…


  2. sin December 14, 2012 at 7:26 am #

    I think it’s a girl thing to go into hibernation when there isn’t any sex.

    • aisha December 16, 2012 at 8:51 am #

      Hey, Sin,

      i guess it might be, although i don’t think all girls work that way. But the mice in the study weren’t all girls, so there’s something about the phenomenon that’s not gender specific for animals.

      Interesting thought though.


  3. vanillamom December 14, 2012 at 8:05 am #

    I remember reading about that mouse study too…not sure why…but I remember finding it interesting.

    And wait…5-30 orgasms 3 times a day? THREE TIMES A DAY??? omfg. who *wouldn’t* be addicted to that??!

    I was *just* thinking last night, on my “absolutely no O, but sexual torment, yes” day…that if it weren’t for the “torture & torment” I’d be shut down, the “need” part tucked away someplace. In all likelyhood? That’s pro’lly how I got in the habit of getting so much done…no orgasms for 8, 9, 10 years? What else ya gonna do with the time but be productive, right? 🙂

    An excellent follow up post…and *waves* to searchers looking for nilla…

    (I love search engine terms…some of them amuse me greatly!)


    • aisha December 16, 2012 at 8:54 am #

      Dear ‘Nilla,

      No orgasms for 8-10 years??? Good grief. Yes, you would have to be dreadfully productive. i would also be very, very tense.

      i’m glad that’s not the case for you anymore, and it sure helps me understand how you deal with the no O, just torture experience. 🙂



  4. mamacrow December 14, 2012 at 10:12 am #

    yes, this is exactly it. If I’m being aroused, I just want to be aroused more. If I’m not, I start to go off boil. Conina’s written really eloquently about this… About how she needs to be kept on simmer otherwise all her desire dies and it’s quite a job to get her started again.

    • aisha December 16, 2012 at 8:56 am #

      Hey, Mamacrow,

      O, now i have to go find Conina’s post on it. She is brilliant. i think there are lots of us like this – no comments from our male subbrothers – don’t know what it’s like for them…



  5. mamacrow December 14, 2012 at 10:13 am #

    oh, and for the record, I’m getting the right amounts of kink & control, it’s just more expression of that – ie sex – that I’d ALWAYS like!

    • aisha December 16, 2012 at 8:56 am #

      And i’m glad to hear that you have enough of 2 out of 3!!



  6. Wordwytch December 14, 2012 at 7:19 pm #

    I told Wolf about your poll. He said he’d have hit the NOT enough button too. Being separated is telling on both of us.

    The whole thing is very interesting though.

    • aisha December 16, 2012 at 8:57 am #

      Hi, Wordwytch,

      Yes, being physically apart makes it difficult. Hoping you’re reunited soon.



      • Wordwytch December 16, 2012 at 2:02 pm #

        So do I. He has a job Interview on Monday, so keep your fingers crossed!

      • aisha December 16, 2012 at 2:05 pm #

        Fingers crossed. Toes too.


      • Wordwytch December 16, 2012 at 3:02 pm #


  7. caile December 16, 2012 at 12:05 pm #

    I am so glad you mentioned “arousal hibernation” because I thought I was alone in this, lol. My body seems to do this for me, when I am not in a relationship I just don’t get turned on, or rather maybe once a month. But when in a relationship, there is a possibility, then move over I am ready.

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