Oh, That’s Better!

21 Jan

It was a busy weekend for us here, and i didn’t really have a chance to talk to Sir.  By the time i got home yesterday afternoon, i was emotionally and physically drained.

i kept thinking i needed to talk to Him, and had kind of worked myself into a little ~  panic isn’t the right word.  i don’t know.  i just kept thinking how much i need to feel His dominance, how much better i feel when i do.

Then, before i even had to broach the subject, He told me that He’d been thinking ~ that He wanted to tether me to the bed at night, not every night forever maybe, but every night for a week at least, and did i think i could handle that?

Of course, i had to laugh a little bit.  It was not what i expected.  But it will certainly be a reminder of my place in our relationship.

He was concerned that it would make it difficult for me if i had to go to the bathroom, and offered to get me a bucket to keep by the bed in case that was going to be a problem.  i assured Him that no, i could manage to carry the tether with me to the bathroom!

{Good grief.  A bucket by the bed?  i’m pretty sure He was just kidding.  Um, pretty sure…}

But then He spanked me a bit, and let me take His shoes off, and massage His legs, and do some other things while i was there anyhow.  Then He tied me to the tether and i fell asleep in moments.

It was lovely, and i feel MUCH better.

Kitty, the Submissive Wife, writes a powerful post here about the current limits of her submission.  i’ve read it three times now, started to comment each time, but was not sure i had anything worthwhile to say.  Lots of thoughts ~ but the thoughts are more about my reactions to the post and what i think it means to me, and not necessarily connected with what she meant or where she’s going with it.

First, you know, when she says:

I can not sustainably submit myself outside of the bedroom. Those are big words for me to write. And as long as I am writing them, I will add others – I not only can’t do it, I don’t really want to.

i mentally stand up and applaud her.  i am a huge admirer of people who know what they want and are not afraid to own that.   i strive for that myself.

We each have our own flavor of submission, and the goal is not just to submit but to be more fully who we are.  No one can truly dictate that.

Sir leads me to explore aspects of myself, and i give Him the power to do that,  but ultimately, it is up to me.  Ultimately, the agreement needs to be to my benefit as much as to His.

i find that i am  more emotionally charged and energized  if i feel the expression of His dominance every day.  A spanking, His hand in my hair, sitting at His feet, or being tethers to the bed ~ these things are helpful for me.

 i assume they please Him too ~ i hope they do.  i want them/ need them/ am better off for them.  He doesn’t have to insist or push me to submit to these things  ~ i welcome them.

That’s not to say that i’ll always feel like doing them.  When i had to get up last night to let the cat out, i was not thrilled with having to carry the tether with me to the front door ~ and at the same time, i was fine with it.

But there’s a difference between not feeling like doing something in that moment and feeling like a particular act of submission is not the way i want to be submissive.

So Sir and i are still exploring that ~ what works for both of us.  i think i’m going to give Him a list of submissive things i really like… that should be fun!


On a whole other note, here’s the link to the Bluegrass Leather Event, which includes the KBC ~ the Kinky Bloggers Convention.  Go ahead and get registered now!!

P.S.  Does everyone else in the entire world actually recognize a Corvette and a Ferrari just by glancing at them as you drive through the parking lot?  Sir says i am the only person in the entire world ~ including developing and third world countries ~ who does not recognize these distinctive cars.  i’m pretty sure He’s exaggerating ~ it can’t just be me.  Also, did youall know that Corvettes are the only sports cars made in America?  i do now.  i also now know the difference between a sports car and a sedan. Learn something EVERY day!

15 Responses to “Oh, That’s Better!”

  1. jade January 21, 2013 at 10:15 am #

    You are not the only person who can’t distinguish between sports cars. There are two of us, at least. This predates the worsening eyesight, if that helps any in your favor. 🙂

    i think Kitty wrote a powerful piece as well. i join you in my mental applause because some things will just never feel authentically me….other things may feel natural in time, if only because they became habitual. i don’t think that we should ascribe these differences to our capacity to be submissive and think that it can cause harm to assume that is what those feelings are about. But i could be totally wrong.

    The teether sounds perfect. i can still recall how nice it felt to sleep that way or how i would wake up to touch my collar in my sleep. Those things matter so much…even if i don’t have them now….they did their intended job many years ago and it stuck.

    As an aside, still a little embarrased that i wrote that much in the comments that it became its own blog post, if glad you felt it was useful. 🙂

    • aisha January 21, 2013 at 10:43 am #

      Hey, Jade,

      Don’t be embarrassed about your comment being a blog post – it’s not the first time i’ve done that, and i’m sure it won’t be the last. It was helpful for me.

      Yeah, the tether was perfect. 🙂

      i would like to hear you talk more about this:

      some things will just never feel authentically me….other things may feel natural in time, if only because they became habitual. i don’t think that we should ascribe these differences to our capacity to be submissive and think that it can cause harm to assume that is what those feelings are about.

      Because i’m not sure what you mean.

      And i’m SOOO glad i’m not the only one on the car thing!! Lol… especially since it predates your eye problem. Thank you!!

  2. Twisted Angel January 21, 2013 at 10:17 am #

    Wait, there is a kinky convention in Kentucky?? My home state?? Where I reside?? Holy crap. I never knew. I , too have issues being dominated beyond the bedroom. More than likely because of childhood things that consistently plague me. I hate feeling less than, or not as smart as. My spouse has a bad habit of talking to me like I am an idiot about things, then if I comment and am right he just ignores it like I never spoke. Want to make my blood boil, that right there is a sure way to make it happen. Sighs.. I am too much of a redneck woman I guess..

    • aisha January 21, 2013 at 10:30 am #

      O, cool – you’re coming to KBC then??? YAY!!!!

      There are lots of ways i wouldn’t be dominated outside of the bedroom either. Thank goodness, my Sir doesn’t want to dominate in those ways.

      And i always thought it was a good thing – being a redneck girl. 🙂 Some of my favorite people are.

  3. tori January 21, 2013 at 10:57 am #

    umm is it just me but the idea of having the bucket by the bed really appeals to me! i do love humiliation play though.

    Yep kitty’s post i think was great because it was honest about feelings/thoughts that can have an impact on a relationship, i did make a reply on their and i stand by what i said..there are many way to submit, but ultimatley there needs to be enjoyment (on some level) from the act of submitting.


    nope i couldnt tell the difference between the cars either, i couldnt even begin to describe what a corvette looks like!

    • aisha January 21, 2013 at 11:30 am #

      Hey, Tori,

      Ok, the bucket by the bed didn’t turn me on – but the idea that He was that serious about keeping me tethered really did. 🙂

      Yes, i think if you’re not enjoying the essence of the D/s connection, then you’ve got a problem.

      And i glad there’s at least 3 of us on the car thing! Ha! i really knew it wasn’t just me. 🙂

  4. Kitty the Submissive Wife January 21, 2013 at 11:13 am #

    Responding in another post is actually one of my favorite ways that people comment – and I am glad I did not miss this one. I have been nervous all night about that post and I appreciate the affirmation here. It is so great to have a supportive community when I am trying to work my way through something. And not to be too sappy, but it is pretty great to have the man I do too.

    I really identified when you said “i find that i am more emotionally charged and energized if i feel the expression of His dominance every day.” That is very true for me as well.

    Thank you for doing what you do.

    • aisha January 21, 2013 at 11:47 am #

      i love it too, Kitty, when something i’ve said gets somebody else taking it home to ponder! i’m glad this made you more comfortable with your post – it’s been important for me to have the blogosphere as a space to work through all kinds of things.

      i really appreciate that we can recognize and honor our similarities and our differences. Thank you for everything you bring to the conversation!

  5. Wordwytch January 21, 2013 at 6:17 pm #

    aisha, you are NOT the only one who is car-lexic… (can’t tell one model from another) After 14 years in Europe, I certainly can’t. 🙂

    As for the rest… I understand where you are going with the tether and things feeling better. Last night as Wolf cuddled me to him, pinning my feet and leg to the bed and wrapping me up in his arms just felt so right. Some things are just needed. 🙂 Like chocolate, rainbows after rain and spankings.

    • aisha January 22, 2013 at 7:53 am #

      O, good, Wordwytch, really i was sure it couldn’t just be me!! {giggling…}

      i’m so, so glad that you and Wolf are reunited. i know that feeling!

      • Wordwytch January 22, 2013 at 6:53 pm #

        It has been grand. 🙂 giggle-giggle-teehee….

  6. SirQsMLB January 21, 2013 at 6:17 pm #

    What a great gift…that he was in tune enough to know that you needed…..
    …you needed something…more maybe…but that he also wanted to do more. WOW. And Yes, I’m sure that when the damn cat had to go out (what is it doing having to go out and not to a kitty-litter-box?) it was not convenient…but knowing it was something that you submitted to and that he wanted of you…that is so re-assuring. Hugely reassuring!

    It is wonderful to know ones place at any give time and to acknowledge it, as Kitty did – and you. It is good to understand where you are and even more importantly where you want to go. Do you want to be someplace else? Are you content where you are? Do you want to be pushed to go further? That self-discovery is so important, complicated and complex.

    So…you sharing your list with us?? Man – am I nosey or what??

    Sadly…I will say that I can identify the difference between a Corvette and a Ferrari. I’m not particularly a car person…but there are a few that I absolutely KNOW with just a glance.


    • aisha January 22, 2013 at 8:04 am #

      Dear Fiona,

      What a lovely comment. 🙂 It is unfortunate that Sir got to read about you knowing the car difference {he’s reading comments these day – not posts. Tres strange, non?}

      Anyhow, yeah, the tether is what i needed. As for the cats, they’re free range cats, always have been, They have litter boxes (two of them) but i have kind of a thing about cats not being restricted to the house, even thought there are times i think it was a bad idea. When it’s cold outside, they just stand at the door and look, and then look at me with great disappointment ~ Really? This is the best you can do? You expect me to go out in that? Then they stalk to the other door to see what the weather’s like there. Amazingly, they are often disappointed at the back door too.

      Omg, running late… much love.

  7. vanillamom January 22, 2013 at 10:41 am #

    I know some cars – one of my first b/f’s was a car junkie…so I got to know some of them. LIke a mini-van and a humvee…I know those. (laughs)…and a ‘vette…yeah. I do know those, too. All else? not so much.

    M and I have the most…not heated…but funny, i guess, convo’s about cars. He is all into them. I’m like…geeze, what a terribly stupid waste of cash.

    He looks at me like i’ve blasphemed.

    Really. Hand to his heart and all.

    Cars take ya from point A to point B, no matter the brand, I say, in my utter hippie way.

    nilla…He starts, then can’t continue.

    Seriously…who gives a fuck? It’s all just “stuff”.

    I am thrilled that your Sir reached into your need and pulled out a Domination for you. 🙂
    It’s from HIM, too, not you.

    It’s inconvenient, to be sure, but not an unsafe thing to do. If there was a fire, you could get out…but still very much a reminder of His control. A very neat post!



    • aisha January 23, 2013 at 10:27 am #

      If there was a fire, i could get out, me and my tether. LOL

      So you know mini-van and a humvee – lol – yeah, me too. I know convertibles too. And sedans. i could not, however, give the correct definition of a sports car. But you know a “VETTE” too. Damn. (also, had to capitalize VETTE cause auto correct is sure i mean “bette” with i didn’t even know was a frigging word.

      i can imagine the conversation between you and M!! Hysterical. i wish you could see the look on Sir’s face when He realizes i don’t know things that He thinks “Everyone” knows. Classic.

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