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Littles and Furries and…

24 Nov

…Homo’s, O, My!”  That’s what Kenny said last night, as he looked around Ms. Constance’s living room.

The little’s and the furry {i think there was actually just one} are stretched out on the floor coloring.  Kenny is representing the gay contingency himself, and therefore has the liberty of using the “Homo” label.

It’s an interesting gathering ~ Ms. Constance’s Thanksgiving celebration on the day after.   Ten or twelve of us enjoying fabulous pumpkin pie, Cookie Slut’s caramel blondies, some kind of cake, and even my own chocolate covered strawberries. 

We had just gotten through talking about horse cocks.  No, not the real thing, although i think the conversation started with someone remember a person who was hung rather like the equine stereotype.  Or maybe Sir started it by asking about where He could find an authentic riding crop.  Who knows…

In any case, the conversation turned to replicas of specific horse cocks ~ i mean, how would you know if it was really Secretariat’s cock or not?  And sperm whale cocks too, ‘Nilla.  Apparently some vendor at an event was selling them.

Most of us felt that the regular dildo’s that one attaches to the shower with a suction device were adequate for our needs, without requiring one that was so big that ~

 ~ when you set it down on the table, the weight of it bent it over “like a slinky.”

As Ms. Constance said, who thinks that’s an attractive description of a cock?  Have you ever heard someone say, “O, god, his cock looks just like a slinky?” like it was a good thing?

No, me either.

Anyhow.  We talk about how they got the models for the casts of the horse and whale cocks.  We were imaging all kinds of things, but Ms. Tammy straightens that out.  Apparently, they take pictures and create a 3-d model from the pictures, so “no animals are harmed  in the making of these cocks.  Or aroused!”

Anyhow, i sit at Sir’s feet for a long time, which is interesting to do in front of a room full of people.  Firsts…  

Eventually, it gets too uncomfortable, and i move to a chair.  We old submissives get to take some liberties here and there.

But it’s a delightful get-together.  Lots of laughter, and the pleasure of being able to talk about those things we  don’t usually share.

Of course, it isn’t all kinky.  Drew tells a wonderful story about him and Ms. Constance on their way out to dinner on Thanksgiving, stopping to help a 90 pound Hispanic man trying to push a small truck up a slight incline.

Drew’s linguistic skills come into play when he has to convince the man that his 250 pound friend, who’s steering the car, should actually be pushing instead.   “El Grosso hombre ~ HERE,” says Drew…

But it works, and the larger man and Drew are able to push the vehicle back into a service station/ parking lot.  At which point, one of the men in the lot looks up and says, ‘Truck won’t start?”

With a snort, Drew says, “No, we were just bored and thought we’d get out and push the truck around a while.”

He cracks me up, Drew does, and then Ms. Constance, who may have heard his snort, reminds me of my little, harmless snort at the event the other afternoon.  And Sir Charles graciously confirms that it had, indeed been a snort.

And i have to laugh, because i’ve gotten in trouble for a smart ass reply to Sir that very day.  You can imagine how comfortable i’m feeling that i decide to share the story with this crew of folks.  

It starts with me in the kitchen ~ making chocolate covered strawberries, actually.  Sir is talking about the bamboo poles He bought at Lowe’s.  He says,

“I’ve been thinking about maybe tying them together.  What do you think would work better?  To use them separately, or to tie all three of them together?”

And i say, without missing a beat, “i think they would work better in the garden with the roses, Sir.”  And, um, i laugh.

{It still makes me laugh.  AND it was an honest answer.}


Sir is not so amused.  He says something about missing an opportunity to give my thoughtful opinion, and He barely gives me time to wash the chocolate off my hands before i find myself bent over the bed, panties down, while we experiment with the bamboo canes.


i think that we are actually not through with that experiment, because He only used one by itself, and then two and then three together, but now He wants to try each one in combination with each of the others… and yeah.  You get the picture.  Once again, i will “pay with my ass.”

And it would be good if i could quit feeling like i’m going to giggle every time i think about it.

Anyhow, everyone laughed as i told the story, and Ms. Constance was moved to gift Sir with a souvenir of the evening.

It’s a dowel rod, with a handle added, painted a lovely red.   

Just what Sir needed, right?   i’m sure i won’t forget the 2012 Thanksgiving celebration at Ms. Constance’s.

“Thank you, Ms. Constance.”


Fear and Guilt

18 Jun

In all the excitement of my life, i missed the Special Interest Groups discussion yesterday.  i realized it was the third Sunday about half an hour too late to go to the discussion.

Greedy girl that i am, i really wanted to do that too.  Visit my grandbaby, help Sir get moved, AND go to the discussions all in one lovely Sunday.  But it was really just too late.  Even if i drove really fast.

Sigh…  and it was on one of my favorite topics:  Fear and Guilt.

Here are the questions, from the Fetlife Event Page:

How do guilt and fear fit into D/s relationships?
• When are guilt and fear unhealthy and harmful, when are they good?
• Is it ethical to use guilt and fear within relationships and if so, how and when?
• What good benefits might guilt and fear bring?
• Is guilt more pervasive in one orientation than another?
• Does guilt serve a useful purpose?
• Are there ways to use guilt effectively and ethically to manage behavior?
• What, if anything, do you feel guilty about your own desires in terms of S&M and D/s relationships?
• Which do you find to be more crippling, guilt or fear?
• What’s the first thing you remember feeling guilty about in terms of S&M and D/s desires?
• Do you believe that we as a community allow fear and guilt to dictate our actions? How valid is that fear and guilt in the larger sense?
• How do you feel guilt can be handled within a spiritual or religious framework?
• What’s the biggest fear you have about your own orientation?
• What do you think is the biggest fear other orientations have?
• Is it ethical to use fear in scenes?
• Is fear always something that should be overcome?
• Are there instances you can think of wherein guilt or fear made an otherwise good relationship unworkable?

Lots of questions…  Ms. Constance always looks at Jackie, who leads the submissives’ discussion,and says, “And you know, you don’t have to answer all the questions.”  Which is a good thing, cause we usually don’t.

  • When are guilt and fear unhealthy and harmful, when are they good?
• What good benefits might guilt and fear bring?
• Does guilt serve a useful purpose?   Is fear always something that should be overcome?

So i’m going to talk about these four questions, cause in my mind, they go together.  My answer would have been:

Fear and guilt are feelings, so of course they serve a purpose.  Guilt lets us know that we’ve done something wrong, and maybe that we need to make amends.  Fear is our alarm system ~ it lets us know when we sense danger or a threat of some kind.  

Feelings aren’t good or bad.  They just are.

The trick is to sort out when feelings are fact based and when they’re strictly emotional mind, or a false alarm.  Just because you feel something, doesn’t make it true.

So i can feel guilty as ~ guilty as sin ~ but that doesn’t necessarily mean i’ve done something wrong.  i can feel tremendous fear, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that i’m in real danger.

It does mean i need to pay attention, right?

Feelings motivate behavior.  So if i’m afraid of spiders, and that motivates me to jump on a chair when i see one, there’s probably a safety reason built into that.  From the safety of a chair, i can assess whether it’s a poisonous spider, and how best to get rid of it.

But if i have to stay up on the chair the rest of the day, and i can’t sleep that night, or the next night, because i’m afraid there will be more spiders, fear is no longer serving a purpose.

On the other hand, if i’m afraid of jumping off a cliff, that’s probably not a fear i need to overcome.  Yes, the divers in Mexico do it, but i probably don’t need to face and challenge that fear.  That would be a real danger for me.

Same thing with guilt.  When we’ve done something wrong, guilt sends us that message.  It motivates us to try to remedy the wrong.

But lots of times, we carry around other people’s values and feel guilty about not doing what other people think we should do.

For real, guilt needs to be about our own values, and being true to what we believe in.  “Healthy” guilt goes away once we’ve made amends as best we can for whatever we did wrong.

In the lifestyle, of course, fear takes on new meaning.  Riding a roller coaster stimulates all the physical indicators of fear ~ but many people love doing it.

In the same way, BDSM takes us to the dark, scary places of the psyche ~ and many of us thrive on that.   And here it gets more complex.

Rope suspension can be an adrenaline rush like a roller coaster.  But so is confessing you like to be spanked.  Having to say it.

There’s no real danger in either situation, at least neither one will kill you, but facing and overcoming some of the fears associated with it can be powerful.

Gotta go now – gotta be at work early, time to shower and get on with the day.  What do youall think about guilt and fear?

One More Thought on “Being Broken”

13 Jun

In the comments on my last post on this, Joyce asked a question and i wanted to make sure i’m being really clear on this one.

Joyce seems to bring what the Buddhists call a “beginner’s mind” to the blog world and this isn’t the first time one of her questions has sparked a whole post.  This time she asks:

“Do you effect changes in behavior (pushing the limits) or “break” and completely restructure the basic personality of self to suit the Dom?”

So, i don’t know how one would completely restructure someone’s basic personality to suit the Dom, or to suit anyone.   “Basic personality” {not a technical term} is a combination of temperament and early experiences.  While you could damage someone so much that they no longer seemed like the same person, i can’t imagine that being anything positive.  i think Mouse and Jade both make that point in their comments.  

Mouse says:

We come here with our personal baggage, mouse’s baggage includes being broken and damaged by an uncaring dominant type.

i’m glad she says “dominant type” because i would argue that someone who abuses another is not “dominant” but simply abusive.

Jade says:

i have been broken in ways that destroyed my sense of joy, peace, excitement until i felt less than human

but then she goes on to say:

And that–has absolutely nothing– to do with what i think a slave is truly seeking when they are walking the path you speak of.

i was relieved to hear her say that, because it’s essential to recognize that when we’re talking about “being broken.”  Even in the extremes of TTWD, there is a difference between M/s and abuse.

Getting back to Joyce’s question, LM asks for the experience of “being broken.”   She says, “i want you to break me.”

Later, she goes back and defines that as:

Breaking me is pushing me past my boundaries, exploring my limits, making me cry, pushing me to painslut sub space where I completely rely on him to be everything in that moment, my tormentor and my savior, simultaneously.  When I am there all the noise in my head stops and He rules…. a very simple, visceral place, that moment..

It reminds me of The Teachings of Don Juan, where the seeker finds oneness with universe through peyote. Some people may even reach their version of “that moment” through mindfulness.

But the key factor here is that LM wants this.  Yes, her Dom originally says the words, but she wants it.  

Joyce, i think you’re thinking about some kind of intense training in which a Dom might teach the slave to behave in certain ways.  i would still argue that “basic personality” is not going to change, but i could be trained in ways that are pleasing to my Master.

“Being broken,” in my mind, is part of a spiritual journey of the submissive or slave, not for the benefit of the Master or Dominant.  So the experience is not really about Him or Her, it’s about the slave.   

This is only one of the ways that BDSM crosses paths with spirituality.  Back when i saw Raven Kaldera’s workshop at Cope last year, i became more aware of and more comfortable with that concept.

And i’ve been thinking about it as we talking about “breaking,” so i was delighted to see that my friend, Ms. Constance, has blogged about the connection.  

{Yes, ‘Nilla ~ our Ms. Constance has her blog up and running, isn’t that cool?}

You can read what she says here.  i’m curious to see what youall think about what she says.  And i’m glad to have the chance to introduce you to Ms. Constance.  She’s interesting and funny and wise.   i think you’ll like her.

In baby news ~ we have contractions, ~ well, my daughter does, not i, thank goodness ~ but they’re not regular yet.  Maybe today…  🙂


Negotiation Discussion, Part II

23 May

My favorite part of the Sunday afternoon discussion this time was when the Dominants and switches came back together.  We report back on the discussion we’ve had, and this is a chance to find out what the Dominants think about the topic.

Submissives may think that “saying no,” or “not pleasing my Sir” is the hardest part of negotiation.  Some Doms think that not being given an honest answer and being sure they know how we really feel is the hardest part.  One of the Doms was saying that he really wants to know if his submissive doesn’t like something or doesn’t want to do something.  That feedback is super important to him.

i appreciated his perspective, and shared the story of the time i didn’t tell Sir how i react to violent movies, and how poorly that worked out for me.   Ms. Constance wanted to know if i thought that was something worthy of punishment, and i said, “Of course!” because really, i think it was.  Of course, watching that awful, awful movie was punishment itself.

But anyhow.

Some other people said some things, mostly about how important it is for Doms to know how we really feel.  For us to say what we really want.  

It was nice.  i was starting to feel warm and fuzzy, like negotiations are designed to make sure i’m having a good time.  To make sure i really want to do the things He asks of me.

But it was an odd moment.  There were some other feelings there, i’m not sure what they were.

Then Ms. Constance busted that whole “make sure the submissive feels good” delusion pretty quickly ~ and i’m so glad she did.

Ms. Constance doesn’t really care if Drew feels like getting out of bed, turning up the heat, and fixing her tea.  That’s what he agreed to do and really, he just needs to do it.

As she talked, i felt a sense of relief.  

Her perspective is the mirror image of my own.  

My submission isn’t about finding the right kinky scene to satisfy my submissive self.  Kinky scenes, ropes and bondage, nipple clamps and spanking are great.  But they’re not what my submission is about.

i want to please Him.

And, as Ms. Constance says, if i don’t ever have to do things that i don’t much want to do, then what’s the point?  Ok, not things that would be harmful, not things that violate my hard limits.   But if there’s something that pleases my Sir, it’s ok for me to do it even if i don’t much feel like it right that minute.

Isn’t that the point of being a slave?  To please Him, to provide what He wants?  Even if it’s hard.

Especially if it’s hard.

And that’s where the real dance of negotiation comes in, for me.  If i promise more than i can deliver, i will disappoint us both.

i wanted to watch the god-awful violent movie from hell with Sir.  i’m not able to do that without freaking out.  i wanted to.  i thought i could.  i really couldn’t.

My first husband worked second shift for a while.  i used to go to bed with the kids, then get up when he came home to spend some time with him, then go back to bed and sleep a few more hours til I had to get up and go to work myself. 

That wasn’t something he asked of me, but he had talked about missing spending time with me, and i wanted to spend time with him too.

i did it for a while, but eventually all the broken sleep was just too hard.  i couldn’t maintain that schedule five nights a week.

If he had been a Dom, we could have negotiated around that ~ how many nights a week i could do it, or something like that.  Of course, if he’d been a Dom, he might have recognized that this wasn’t a realistic sleep plan for anyone long term.  He might have come up with a compromise plan before i failed in my effort.

So the negotiation is important.  The things i agree to need to be things i’m able to do, and i’m not always the best judge of that.

The desire to give overwhelms me sometimes, and i know {thank goodness for blogs} that it does youall too, sometimes.   It seems to me that the hard part for the Dom is figuring out how to help us contain that desire and channel it where they want it.

Does that make sense?  What do you think?


22 May

The discussion topic on Sunday afternoon was negotiations.  There was {as always} a long list of questions:

–  What are the differences in negotiating a scene versus negotiating a relationship?
• What are the benefits and drawbacks of using a third party in negotiation?
• How do you assure that you are using the same definitions when negotiating?
• What’s the best way to approach a negotiation with another person?
• Do all parties have equal importance in the negotiation, regardless of power orientation?
• What’s the hardest part of negotiation for a dominant?
• What’s the hardest part of negotiation for a submissive?
• What’s the hardest part of negotiation for a dominant?
• Is it important to put parts of negotiation in writing?
• How do you negotiate changes over time in a relationship?
• Does every relationship require negotiation?
• Do different power relationships have different starting points in a negotiation or do all parties begin equally?

Lots of interesting questions.  In the submissives group, we tend to try to answer all the questions.  So, for example, we could agree quickly that the hardest thing for a submissive in negotiations is saying “no,” and risking not pleasing the person we most want to please.  We didn’t go into a lot of depth around the answers.

We did spend a long time talking about the first point ~ the difference in negotiating a scene and a relationship.  Some of the differences there are pretty obvious – a scene is short-term, a relationship long-term.  For me, the biggest difference is that if i were negotiating a scene with someone i wasn’t in a relationship with, it would be because the scene was something i wanted and not because i was trying to please him.  That might be interesting.

i’ve never “negotiated” the way some of the other submissive have for a particular scene or to experience a type of play, much less used a third party to negotiate.  My first “play scenes” were with Sir D, who pretty much just told me what he was going to do.  i trusted him not to harm me, and he was careful with me.  

Sir D took responsibility for checking in with me and encouraging me to say what i was feeling.  He taught me the importance of communicating what my experience was ~ what i was feeling ~ as best i could in that moment, and more clearly in giving him feedback afterwards.  It was a wonderful experience, but not an exercise in negotiating.


i do think all relationships involve negotiations, and Sir and i are negotiating our relationship in a rather organic way.  Not so formal, but very real.  

During dinner at Donna and Bill’s, He was telling them what He had told me early on in our relationship.  He had said, “Don’t have expectations about what kind of Dom I’m going to be.  I’m not doing this out of some book, so I may not do things the way someone else thinks they should be done, and I’m probably not going to change that.”

That has certainly been true, and if i sometimes think that i would like a more “by-the-book” Dom, i have traded that for a very real man who has great integrity and strength of character.   {Not saying that some of you don’t have all of those qualities in your Dom,  just saying that it’s an acceptable trade-off for me.}

At the discussion on Sunday, it was fun when one woman realized how the whole idea of negotiations in a relationship was a new experience for her and countered her history of either having to give in without question or having to strongly hold one stance without flexibility.  Just the idea of negotiating and having her right to do so  acknowledged and accepted was exciting for her.

It was also lots of fun when the groups came back together to hear Ms. Constance’s ideas on negotiations and what other Doms thought.    i had planned to write about that today, but will save it for tomorrow.

Am wondering too, what are your thoughts on negotiations?  As you look at the questions, are there any of those that you have strong thoughts on?  Leave a comment about it, or blog about it and link back here if you want to.

On a whole different note, i was reading Faerie’s blog this morning.  This was her 100th post, so CONGRATULATIONS on that.  But i noticed today ~

~ she says that she has to get her chores done before she even gets on the computer.   i thought, “what a great idea!  If i did that, i’d get so much more done!!”

But then i wouldn’t be doing this right now.  i never get done with everything i need to do anyhow…  so i probably won’t start that kind of rule.   But it seemed like a good idea for the moment! 


The Munch and More

8 Apr

Sir and i got together yesterday afternoon before the munch.  He’d said we were going to  do something mundane, but fun.  And it was.

We went shopping. 

We had never been shopping together ~ well, the grocery once, but that was a quick late night trip.

And ~

~ we went shopping for shoes.

Life doesn’t get any better than that, does it?

We found two pair  ~ white tennis shoes, and black dress shoes.  Both size 10 1/2 wide.

O, did i forget to say ~ it was shoe shopping for Him, not me…  {laughing…}

As He reminded me, it’s not always about me.

i was allowed, once He was finished, to wander through the women’s section once.  i didn’t actually spot any “have to have” shoes so that was good, and we proceeded to the search for a new shirt.  

Yes.  Also for Him.

It was fun actually, partly because He’s fun and partly because i’m wild about HIm.  i don’t remember the last time i went shopping with a man for His clothes.  Actually, i’m not sure i ever have.

Have i mentioned that i’m wild about Sir?

Anyhow, then we went home and got ready for the munch.

He seemed pleased with the little black dress i was wearing, so that was good.  And Ms. Constance commented on it, which made me smile.

We were greeted at the door by Mr. Michael ~ and Caile, wearing some adorable bunny ears.  Jacki was handing out candy ~ i took a bracelet.

i wore it all night ~ it looked great with my dress.

Laughing… anyhow, it was a delightful evening.  Drew was there, Ms. Constance’s slave, who is one of my favorite people in the whole world.  He has such a lovely Zen feel, and a wry sense of humor, which is an unusual combination.  But it was wonderful to see him, and Ms. Constance too, who i haven’t seen in forever.

Then Sir and i went home.  

i had been waiting to have “the conversation” until i was in a most submissive frame of mind.  That happened pretty quickly.

He slips a finger through my collar to pull me closer.  Fists His hand in my hair.  i am immediately in a different head space.

Even before He grasps my right nipple and pinches firmly.

But that  makes it much easier to explain the whole issue, and tell Him how i feel.  Well, except for it being a little difficult to find words, or to talk at all, but i manage.

And He listens, as He does so well.

And it doesn’t take Him a minute to make a decision.

“You should email me every day,” He says.  “At least once a day.  I’ll answer when I can, most of the time, but I want to hear from you every day.”

Which is really all i needed to hear.

Happy sigh.

And now here we are, at the kitchen table together, having slept til daylight once again.  This could become a Sunday habit.

Happy Easter and Happy Passover, and just general happiness to all of you!


26 Mar

Yesterday was the fourth Sunday munch, but before that there was a gathering in an upstairs room at a pizza place.  {Sounds a little shady already, doesn’t it?  laughing…}

It was an unusual gathering.  We’re in the middle of what we call “March Madness” and the whole state is glued to the TV and basketball games.  We, however, were gathered, about 25 of us, to hear Sir Charles and slave Jacki do a presentation on their relationship.

At the end of April, they’ll be going to Beyond Leather, a huge, wonderful kink event in Ft. Lauderdale.  Beyond Leather is run by Sir Top and slave bonnie, who presented at COPE.  i wrote about their presentations and how i got to meet and talk with them when i was all-by-myself and they graciously invited me to join them at lunch.  i wanted very, very much to go to the event, but can’t do it this year. 

Here’s a link to it, in case you can go, or if you just want to read about it and wish.

Anyhow.  Sir Charles and Jacki are entering the Power Exchange contest there.  Ms. Constance describes it like this:

“The International Power Exchange contest is designed to include pairs of people who have been involved in a power exchange dynamic for at least one year that aren’t normally included in other large event contests. It doesn’t matter if you identify as Owner and property, Daddy/Mommy and boi/boy/girl, Handler and puppy, Dominant and submissive, etc… you are eligible to compete at this new contest.”

So, jacki is Sir Charles’ slave, and she’s “a Little.”  They’re refining a presentation about Littles,  and what it’s like to have a power exchange relationship that includes that dynamic.

It was fascinating.  They’re excellent speakers, and it’s an interesting dynamic.  

You know, Carl Jung, the psychologist, believed that we don’t really shed developmental stages, we just accumulate new layers.  So our “child,” “adolescent,” “young adult”  those archetypes and others are still present within us.

It seems to me that Littles tap into that psychic energy and  let those inner selves come out to play.  Literally.

They may bring their coloring books to events.   Wear their hair in pigtails and suck on lollipops.  Where-i-live, we have events for them.  Easter egg hunts.  Trips to the zoo, or bowling alley.

It’s always kind of amused me, in a distant kind of way.  i’m not a Little.  Well, at least i don’t think i am.

So when i was at the SIGS discussion last week, they were talking about going to Build-a-Bear, which is apparently “a thing.”  Here’s a link to it:

{When the Littles were all talking about going,  K kept saying she thought it was a form of taxidermy, which made me say ~ “NOPE ~ Chuck Testa!”  Only one other person “got it,” but he and i cracked up.}

 Youall know the Chuck Testa commercial, right?  If not;

Omigosh, i am just overwhelming you with links today…  and the best is yet to come.

slave jacki and Sir Charles were at the South Plains Leatherfest, and competed for the Master/slave title there.  Here’s a link to slave jacki’s presentation.

You have to scroll down to the video labelled “Great Lakes Master.”   It’s a beautiful presentation.

And it made me start thinking about Littles, thinking about it beyond smiling indulgently when i notice they’re around.  And i wonder ~ i don’t hear many of my blogger friends talking about being a Little.  i know one slave who’s also a Little, and some of you have Doms with some degree of “Daddy.”  But i don’t know more about how this works for you all.

March is Question and Answer month – only now i’m asking – any Littles out there?  How does it work for you?  Leave me a comment, link to your blog, or email me ~

In the meantime, here are some pictures of the beautiful bears that some of the Littles here made recently.  Caile was kind enough to share them with me:


And here is Caile’s “bear” which is actually a bunny:

i have to admit they’re kind of cute.  Even if i do scoff at the whole thing just a little.  You know, “only in America….” but i say it indulgently.

And i’m curious to hear your thoughts on it all!

Munches and More

23 Jan

i went to the Fourth Sunday munch last night.  There were lots of people there, and more than usual were new.  Ms. Constance had taught her class, BDSM 101, the day before which had apparently stirred people to come.

It was pretty cool to see new faces, and to feel like an old-timer.

i had just come from the Roe v Wade anniversary vigil, celebrating a woman’s right to make her own choices on reproductive health.   One of the new faces commented on a button i was wearing.  

It was looked like the pretty purple one, only it said Pro-faith, Pro-Family, Pro-Choice

So she commented on it ~ in a way that told me she’s involved in the same volunteer thing that i do, only not on Saturdays.  My jaw fell.

i said, “So you’re – {insert name} ???

She nods.

i explain who i am.  

i’m feeling more freaked out than she looks, which surprises me.  It’s not til i say “And of course no one there knows about this…” that she blushes and says, “O, NO!”  So we’re in agreement on that!

It occurs to me {just now} that i didn’t have to tell her who i was.  But that would have been kind of mean, wouldn’t it?  And she might have blurted it out if she ran into me at a volunteer event, or given it away.

Anyhow.  Ms. Constance and Drew were there, and Ms. Tammy was too, as well as a bunch of other regulars.  i saw Caile ~ who’s commented here before.  {Hi, Caile!}  She was wearing the cutest grey shoes with multi-straps ~ they weren’t fetwear, just cute shoes. i tried to find a picture of them, but i don’t have time today.

There was a girl wearing a short dress and the cutest stockings i’ve ever seen.  In the front, they were just regular black stockings, but in the back:

They were adorable.  She was wearing red cfm shoes and it made me long for the days when i could have worn those shoes… sigh…

On a whole different note, Ms. Tammy was telling me about the Leather Leadership conference in Nashville in the spring.  She’s going to be presenting there.  She says it’s an academic experience of kink.  i’ll have to check it out on fetlife….  So many events, so little time.

i had a good time, and when i got home there was an email from Sir confirming our plans for tonight.  It’s his birthday tomorrow, so we’re going out to dinner with two of his kids to celebrate.

i’ve met his son once, but haven’t met either of his daughters.  The one i’m meeting tonight ~ we’ve been Facebook friends for a while, so i feel like i already know {and like} her.

As for my story from Saturday night with Sir ~ suffice it to say, there was pain and there was pleasure.  i spent some time bent over his little table, head hanging, hands tied.

 i got reacquainted with the canes.

The memory of the canes makes me tingle  but at the time, it stings like ~ well, like i don’t know what!  Stings like being whipped with canes, i suppose!  

And there was pleasure.  Giving and receiving… lots of pleasure….    Enough to keep me happy for a while.


Updates and Check-Ins

19 Dec

i went to the Special Interest Group discussion yesterday.  The topic was “the funniest thing you’ve seen in a dungeon or at a play party.”  That opened it up for some pretty great stories.  They’re not mine to tell though, so i won’t.

The funniest thing i’ve seen in a dungeon was at COPE, and i might have already told the story.  There was a woman being whipped with a single-tail, her hands were fastened to the St. Andrews cross, but she was dancing in time to the music and smiling.  

Drew and i were watching her, and it went on for the longest time.  We’d look away, watch something else, and then look back and there she’d be, still smiling and dancing while her Top whaled on her with a single-tail.

Ok, maybe it was odd-funny, not ha ha funny….  anyhow.

i got to the restaurant late ~ not using my GPS  turned out to be a mistake.  i ended up on an expressway when i shouldn’t have been and had to drive halfway round the world to get back to where i needed to be.  But other than that, i had a good time.

i sat across from Caile, who commented on a post recently, and Kenny, who’s the switch who was presented with “earned leather” last month at the munch, and some other people i hadn’t met before.  Some interesting conversation.  A lovely Greek salad.  And good stories.  Life doesn’t get much better.

One of the things we talked about was communication, which leads me back here to Greengirl’s recent post about her reaction when her husband/Dom asks how her day was.  It’s a short post, but provocative, you can read it here.

She was surprised, and i was too when i thought about it, how many of us don’t believe that people who ask, “How are you?” or “How was your day?” really want to know.   

i went back to look at comments on her post ~ there are lots of them ~ and found one by Mamacrow, who says she does enjoy sharing the little events of the day with her “Him.”  She adds :  

“It’s a bit like two children emptying their pockets and sharing the treasures they’ve found that day… a shell, some string, etc!”

i love that image ~ somehow, i picture them on a summer day, sitting on a bridge, dangling their feet off the side.   And i thought, “i want that.”

i sent the quote and the little bit of explanation to Sir X, to open a conversation around that.  i think a big part of making that true is up to me ~ i need to trust that He does want to hear when He asks.  But i also think it’s the kind of thing it’s good to talk about.  Since He’s not actually a mind reader.

{And does it not frigging amaze you how insecure i can be when i get sooooo much affirmation from other people?  i think there’s a lesson there somewhere…}

On a whole different note, on the way home from the discussion, i stopped at Target to get Xmas cards, and bought some new boots.  

Yeah, i know, that’s a little self-indulgent.  But they’re super cute ~ black, of course ~  slouch boots.  Knee high.  If Mick does his boot picture thing this year, i’ll show you.

Every week, i’ve been setting little goals for myself.  This week:

i’ll finish getting ready for Christmas, and enjoy doing it.

i’ll keep eating healthy food.  i’ve done pretty well, although last night i scarfed down 5 of Ms. Constance’s cookies in about 5 minutes.  But they were small cookies, and extraordinarily delicious.  And i stopped at 5 ~ i didn’t keep going!

Besides, my heart feels so light, i think i must have lost some weight already.  🙂

Ms. Constance Comments…a Little More on Leather

17 Dec

Ms. Constance’s had some additional thoughts to share on earned leather,  She put them in the comments, but i thought they needed space here.

Thank you, Ms Constance!  🙂

Thanks to all of you for the comments.  There are, of course, things that I realized I should have added, once it was out of my hands, but isn’t that the way it always goes?
I should have said, for instance, that if your goal is to get a piece of earned Leather, then you’re not there for the right reasons and, as it is so often perversely true, that path probably won’t lead you to where you want to go.

I should have said that not only Leather people should be participatory, either.  I’ve never had a taste for people who belong to any group, whether it’s a church or a bowling league, and never seem to really DO anything for it or with it other than show up for the occasional Christmas service or championship.  If something matters to you, whatever it is, then dig in and DO something with it and for it.  Even if you don’t get a nifty leather vest out of it, you’ll likely make friends and get a sense of accomplishment.

I should have pointed out that earned Leather isn’t limited to tops, that regardless of the orientation you can earn Leather within the community.  The only limitation I have ever heard of is that the actual pieces of leather given are sometimes different, the main difference being that only a top would ever be given a Master’s cover.  A Master’s cover is the leather cap that looks like a military peak cap, often decorated with chain or metallic trim, which signifies that one is viewed as a Master by one’s community.

I should also have said that I believe that nepotism is also not appropriate in the earning of Leathers, in that if a slave believes his or her Master has earned Leather by dint of their work, they should not be the one to lobby that it be presented, as a top shouldn’t give Leather to their own slave and call it earned Leather.  Gifted Leather can be just as meaningful and is perfectly appropriate, but in the same way that when the boss’ son is named the CEO of the company, it leads to speculation as to whether he would have earned the position on his own, gifts of Leather from those with whom we are in primary relationships are likely to seem to be less valid than one might hope.

I’m sure there will be more things that occur to me, because that’s the way I am, but I am glad that you all found this useful and/or entertaining.

Ms Constance