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The Munch and More

8 Apr

Sir and i got together yesterday afternoon before the munch.  He’d said we were going to  do something mundane, but fun.  And it was.

We went shopping. 

We had never been shopping together ~ well, the grocery once, but that was a quick late night trip.

And ~

~ we went shopping for shoes.

Life doesn’t get any better than that, does it?

We found two pair  ~ white tennis shoes, and black dress shoes.  Both size 10 1/2 wide.

O, did i forget to say ~ it was shoe shopping for Him, not me…  {laughing…}

As He reminded me, it’s not always about me.

i was allowed, once He was finished, to wander through the women’s section once.  i didn’t actually spot any “have to have” shoes so that was good, and we proceeded to the search for a new shirt.  

Yes.  Also for Him.

It was fun actually, partly because He’s fun and partly because i’m wild about HIm.  i don’t remember the last time i went shopping with a man for His clothes.  Actually, i’m not sure i ever have.

Have i mentioned that i’m wild about Sir?

Anyhow, then we went home and got ready for the munch.

He seemed pleased with the little black dress i was wearing, so that was good.  And Ms. Constance commented on it, which made me smile.

We were greeted at the door by Mr. Michael ~ and Caile, wearing some adorable bunny ears.  Jacki was handing out candy ~ i took a bracelet.

i wore it all night ~ it looked great with my dress.

Laughing… anyhow, it was a delightful evening.  Drew was there, Ms. Constance’s slave, who is one of my favorite people in the whole world.  He has such a lovely Zen feel, and a wry sense of humor, which is an unusual combination.  But it was wonderful to see him, and Ms. Constance too, who i haven’t seen in forever.

Then Sir and i went home.  

i had been waiting to have “the conversation” until i was in a most submissive frame of mind.  That happened pretty quickly.

He slips a finger through my collar to pull me closer.  Fists His hand in my hair.  i am immediately in a different head space.

Even before He grasps my right nipple and pinches firmly.

But that  makes it much easier to explain the whole issue, and tell Him how i feel.  Well, except for it being a little difficult to find words, or to talk at all, but i manage.

And He listens, as He does so well.

And it doesn’t take Him a minute to make a decision.

“You should email me every day,” He says.  “At least once a day.  I’ll answer when I can, most of the time, but I want to hear from you every day.”

Which is really all i needed to hear.

Happy sigh.

And now here we are, at the kitchen table together, having slept til daylight once again.  This could become a Sunday habit.

Happy Easter and Happy Passover, and just general happiness to all of you!


7 Apr

i’m exhausted this morning, but in a good way.  My sister and i went out for dinner at a fancy restaurant and then to the theatre.  It was our Christmas present to each other, and we had a fabulous time.

She and i need to do that more often.

Of course, she kept me out too late, and now i’m all sleepy and maybe even a little out-of-sorts.

But i’m waking up now, and ready to go to my volunteer gig early.  It will be a big day today, since tomorrow is Easter, and some churches encourage their members to come out special to harass and harangue women on their way to the doctor.  {Sin, i would hope the rapture comes this morning and takes them all away!}

Anyhow.  Sir and i have not talked yet about my need to stay more connected.  {See astute observation from Kitty the Submissive Wife in yesterday’s comments, which i haven’t responded to yet.}

But in an email last night, He mentioned something about symmetry not being balance, which made me smile.  It’ll be an interesting conversation, i’m sure. 

The munch is tonight, and i know where it is, {although this time, i might check fetlife again when i get home today.}  We’re going and i already know what i’m going to wear, which is pretty much a miracle.  But i was trying on stuff last night for my evening out, and discovered that my little black dress fits so much better than it did last summer.  Apparently i’ve lost some of the dreaded “belly fat,” thanks to my low carb diet.  Even though i don’t follow it very well, and haven’t actually lost much weight, and even though last night was no holds barred eating.

But even last night i only had two slices of bread, and it was the kind with holes in it!

Pretty, isn’t it?

Anyhow, i will be spending some time with Sir before the munch too, although he says that will be mundane.  But fun.  And then he laughs.  So i have no idea what to expect.

But i know i need to get in gear and start moving now, and i have a zillion things to do before i see Sir ~ not to mention i’m having family over tomorrow and have to decided to make quiche and i haven’t done my taxes yet {i know, i know…} and lots of other things.


But that’s ok.  Good times are ahead.


26 Mar

Yesterday was the fourth Sunday munch, but before that there was a gathering in an upstairs room at a pizza place.  {Sounds a little shady already, doesn’t it?  laughing…}

It was an unusual gathering.  We’re in the middle of what we call “March Madness” and the whole state is glued to the TV and basketball games.  We, however, were gathered, about 25 of us, to hear Sir Charles and slave Jacki do a presentation on their relationship.

At the end of April, they’ll be going to Beyond Leather, a huge, wonderful kink event in Ft. Lauderdale.  Beyond Leather is run by Sir Top and slave bonnie, who presented at COPE.  i wrote about their presentations and how i got to meet and talk with them when i was all-by-myself and they graciously invited me to join them at lunch.  i wanted very, very much to go to the event, but can’t do it this year. 

Here’s a link to it, in case you can go, or if you just want to read about it and wish.

Anyhow.  Sir Charles and Jacki are entering the Power Exchange contest there.  Ms. Constance describes it like this:

“The International Power Exchange contest is designed to include pairs of people who have been involved in a power exchange dynamic for at least one year that aren’t normally included in other large event contests. It doesn’t matter if you identify as Owner and property, Daddy/Mommy and boi/boy/girl, Handler and puppy, Dominant and submissive, etc… you are eligible to compete at this new contest.”

So, jacki is Sir Charles’ slave, and she’s “a Little.”  They’re refining a presentation about Littles,  and what it’s like to have a power exchange relationship that includes that dynamic.

It was fascinating.  They’re excellent speakers, and it’s an interesting dynamic.  

You know, Carl Jung, the psychologist, believed that we don’t really shed developmental stages, we just accumulate new layers.  So our “child,” “adolescent,” “young adult”  those archetypes and others are still present within us.

It seems to me that Littles tap into that psychic energy and  let those inner selves come out to play.  Literally.

They may bring their coloring books to events.   Wear their hair in pigtails and suck on lollipops.  Where-i-live, we have events for them.  Easter egg hunts.  Trips to the zoo, or bowling alley.

It’s always kind of amused me, in a distant kind of way.  i’m not a Little.  Well, at least i don’t think i am.

So when i was at the SIGS discussion last week, they were talking about going to Build-a-Bear, which is apparently “a thing.”  Here’s a link to it:

{When the Littles were all talking about going,  K kept saying she thought it was a form of taxidermy, which made me say ~ “NOPE ~ Chuck Testa!”  Only one other person “got it,” but he and i cracked up.}

 Youall know the Chuck Testa commercial, right?  If not;

Omigosh, i am just overwhelming you with links today…  and the best is yet to come.

slave jacki and Sir Charles were at the South Plains Leatherfest, and competed for the Master/slave title there.  Here’s a link to slave jacki’s presentation.

You have to scroll down to the video labelled “Great Lakes Master.”   It’s a beautiful presentation.

And it made me start thinking about Littles, thinking about it beyond smiling indulgently when i notice they’re around.  And i wonder ~ i don’t hear many of my blogger friends talking about being a Little.  i know one slave who’s also a Little, and some of you have Doms with some degree of “Daddy.”  But i don’t know more about how this works for you all.

March is Question and Answer month – only now i’m asking – any Littles out there?  How does it work for you?  Leave me a comment, link to your blog, or email me ~

In the meantime, here are some pictures of the beautiful bears that some of the Littles here made recently.  Caile was kind enough to share them with me:


And here is Caile’s “bear” which is actually a bunny:

i have to admit they’re kind of cute.  Even if i do scoff at the whole thing just a little.  You know, “only in America….” but i say it indulgently.

And i’m curious to hear your thoughts on it all!

Munches and More

23 Jan

i went to the Fourth Sunday munch last night.  There were lots of people there, and more than usual were new.  Ms. Constance had taught her class, BDSM 101, the day before which had apparently stirred people to come.

It was pretty cool to see new faces, and to feel like an old-timer.

i had just come from the Roe v Wade anniversary vigil, celebrating a woman’s right to make her own choices on reproductive health.   One of the new faces commented on a button i was wearing.  

It was looked like the pretty purple one, only it said Pro-faith, Pro-Family, Pro-Choice

So she commented on it ~ in a way that told me she’s involved in the same volunteer thing that i do, only not on Saturdays.  My jaw fell.

i said, “So you’re – {insert name} ???

She nods.

i explain who i am.  

i’m feeling more freaked out than she looks, which surprises me.  It’s not til i say “And of course no one there knows about this…” that she blushes and says, “O, NO!”  So we’re in agreement on that!

It occurs to me {just now} that i didn’t have to tell her who i was.  But that would have been kind of mean, wouldn’t it?  And she might have blurted it out if she ran into me at a volunteer event, or given it away.

Anyhow.  Ms. Constance and Drew were there, and Ms. Tammy was too, as well as a bunch of other regulars.  i saw Caile ~ who’s commented here before.  {Hi, Caile!}  She was wearing the cutest grey shoes with multi-straps ~ they weren’t fetwear, just cute shoes. i tried to find a picture of them, but i don’t have time today.

There was a girl wearing a short dress and the cutest stockings i’ve ever seen.  In the front, they were just regular black stockings, but in the back:

They were adorable.  She was wearing red cfm shoes and it made me long for the days when i could have worn those shoes… sigh…

On a whole different note, Ms. Tammy was telling me about the Leather Leadership conference in Nashville in the spring.  She’s going to be presenting there.  She says it’s an academic experience of kink.  i’ll have to check it out on fetlife….  So many events, so little time.

i had a good time, and when i got home there was an email from Sir confirming our plans for tonight.  It’s his birthday tomorrow, so we’re going out to dinner with two of his kids to celebrate.

i’ve met his son once, but haven’t met either of his daughters.  The one i’m meeting tonight ~ we’ve been Facebook friends for a while, so i feel like i already know {and like} her.

As for my story from Saturday night with Sir ~ suffice it to say, there was pain and there was pleasure.  i spent some time bent over his little table, head hanging, hands tied.

 i got reacquainted with the canes.

The memory of the canes makes me tingle  but at the time, it stings like ~ well, like i don’t know what!  Stings like being whipped with canes, i suppose!  

And there was pleasure.  Giving and receiving… lots of pleasure….    Enough to keep me happy for a while.


Last Night’s Munch

4 Dec

Last night’s munch was memorable because Ms. Constance led the ceremony of presenting leathers to two community members who had earned it by their service in the community.

This is the third ceremony like this i’ve been to, and each time i think i’m going to write about what it was like.  Each time, i realize that i can’t do it justice.

The leather community is a part of BDSM ~~ and even writing that is not the right beginning.  

Never mind.  i think i’ll go ask Ms. Constance to do a guest blog for me on the history and significance of the leather community.


Ok, e-mailed her and hopefully she’ll agree to do it.

In the meantime, i can tell you that one of the people who earned her leather was l j, who i know from the SIG groups.  {The Special Interest Groups that i go to monthly.}  She leads the submissives’ discussion.

Ms. Constance talked about her first ~  how caring she is, how in touch with people in the community and sensitive to what’s going on with them, how willing to help anytime there’s a need.

Then c-s, another submissive woman, talked about her.  She described how much l j helped her as a newcomer to the community, told stories about how l j had eased her path and kept her connected and progressing in the lifestyle.

It was beautiful and moving.  And wonderful to watch l j accept her piece of leather ~  an amazing leather garter belt.  i didn’t see it unfolded up close, but i think it looked like this:

How cool is that?

And i’m glad i know l j.  i’ve watched her reach out to people, to new submissives, and welcome them to the community.  She has a warm and nurturing way of doing it, sort of like a den mother!  Very cool.

And i’m glad i got to witness the ceremony.  It’s both solemn and joyful.

The second person to earn his leathers in the presentation last night was k, someone i only know by sight and reputation ~ and because i run into him sometimes at the coffee place i go to.  He is the kind of person who makes you feel good just by smiling at you.
He wasn’t there, unfortunately, but i’m glad i got to hear more about him.   Ms. Tammy told a wonderful story about him, and how he had rescued her in a time of need with generosity of time, money, and spirit.  

One of the things i love about BDSM is the range of interests and activities and orientations it accommodates.  The “leather” element is about service and community, so of course i’m drawn to that.

The leather aspect moves the community beyond pure kink, into a deeper arena.  This is where i find some of the spiritual aspect of BDSM.  

i was reading over at Jake’s blog, who i like and enjoy very much.  He was talking about BDSM and sex, or BDSM without sex.  But there was so much he was saying that seemed {to me} to take different aspects of kink and mix them together like hash.  

i’m not meaning to be critical of what he was saying in any way, just that it made me want to separate out the different strands of it all.

When Sir D was doing suspension bondage with me, it wasn’t a sexual experience, in the sense of genital sex.  i write about it here, if you want to see what i mean.  

It was sensual, it was kinky, and it was an amazing experience.  But there was no orgasm involved ~ it wasn’t about that.  That doesn’t mean there wasn’t sex later.  And “later” was enhanced because he had “made me fly.”

Because ultimately, whatever our kink means to us, it ends up being expressed in our own intimate relationships.

Last night, i came home with my Sir, and pleased Him in some of the ways i know He likes. And {smiling} was pleased as well.  i think our pleasure was deeper, our relationship richer, because we had experienced a different aspect of BDSM at the munch.  

And always, i’m grateful for that.

In My Head

29 Nov

i was talking to Drew, Ms. Constance’s slave, at the munch Sunday night.  He was telling me about some of the woodworking jobs he’s doing right now.  

One of them is a spar for a boat.  So he’s talking about masts and booms and all kinds of nautical terms that sound fascinating and mysterious.  

i get this mental image of Drew creating form and substance, something like this:

and then i picture him finishing it, sanding and polishing, and fitting it into place, and it seems so solid.  So concrete and real.   Like baking bread, or making quilts.

It makes me realize how abstract and un-hands-on most of the things i do are.  Even my writing isn’t done with pen and paper, but through a machine that saves the words in cyberspace, where they could totally disappear one day, without warning, rhyme or reason.

The work i do doesn’t yield anything tangible.  

i’m not saying it’s not valuable.  i know it is.  My clients value it.  But i work in relationship, which can’t be seen or touched and is open to being redefined at any moment.

Yes, it’s real, i know it is, but there is very little that’s grounded there.  And it’s very subjective.  Open to changing interpretation.

i remember learning:  “The best predictor of lasting change from therapy is if the person, the client, attributes the changes they’ve made to themselves.  If they say, “Well, that counselor didn’t really have to do anything, I just needed someone to talk to,” they are more likely to maintain whatever progress they made.”

And i’ve always loved that ~ the idea that if i’ve done a really good job, the client won’t even know i did anything.  Like magic.

But ~ in a world of outcome measures, i don’t know where that idea fits in.  In a world of objective and measurable goals and expectations of progress from one session to the next, what does that even mean?

Besides, it’s some old research and i don’t know if it’s held up.  i could be believing that all these years, and it might not even be true at all.

Twenty years from now, Drew’s spar will still be a spar.  No one will be saying, “Well, we thought it was a spar, but as it turns out, that was an error in the data.”

Sigh.  i don’t know.

The other point is that what i do is disembodied.  There’s little connectedness between my body and my work.  

Thomas More, the psychologist, talks about this, how the modern era separates us from our physical self, traps us in the abstract.

Drew’s work, on the other hand, feels very grounded to me.  Very real.  Secure and solid.

i was talking to my friend jade about this yesterday morning.  She says:

You know, the idea of wood working as a meditative concept makes sense to me.
But…here is a thought.  Perhaps the concrete is less real than the abstract.
Thoughts are things. Real things.  And that is what you work with every day.
The energy from your mind is just as real as the piece of wood Drew works with.
This may sound New Age-y but it’s based comfortable in science. 
i think it’s the 3rd Law but i could be off since i’m on my first cup of coffee.

And she may be right ~ well, i don’t know about this 3rd Law stuff, but maybe she’s right.  But ~ but ~ but ~

~ there’s some elusive point here that i can’t quite grab.   

Maybe i’m just feeling a little lost in my own head.  Changes coming at work, changes at church, changes in my family.  Trying to wrap my mind around what they all mean.

Flying in subspace, sliding down into sub-drop, all unseen.  

i don’t know.  Maybe i’m rambling again.

But i was feeling all this last night, and i emailed Sir a little of it.  He emailed me back pretty quickly.  He said ~

o, wait, i need to tell you this first.  He emailed me the other day to tell me He’d come across this:

and that He thought with a little work it would make an awesome bondage bench.

So when i emailed Him last night, He responded quickly, not with a lot of words or ideas.  Partly, He said:

“I’m looking at this table/bench thing I have in my dining area, planning on how to finish it out, deciding where to put tie points, and what kind, and I imagine your body lying across it in various configurations and imagine where the tie points need to be for different postures.” 
And i could feel it, my body stretched taut, bound securely….   Mmmmmm.  
That was exactly what i needed to hear.

Monday, Monday…

28 Nov

It’s raining – again – still.  Better than snow, but good grief, it feels like it’s been grey forever.


This is going to be a potpourri of thoughts and ideas.  

i went to the Fourth Sunday munch last night, which was fun, but i had two cups of coffee.  That gave me lots of late night energy, not that i got anything constructive done, but i was up late.

Didn’t sleep well.  Didn’t want to get up.  Don’t want to exercise.  Don’t want to go to work.


But i had a good time at the Munch last  night.  Sat with Ms. Constance and Drew, and enjoyed talking to them.   Drank coffee and had a spinach salad.

Ms. Constance is talking about starting a blog, which would be very cool.  i hope she does!

i talked to Mr. Michael some too.  He runs the munch these days, which is a challenging task, i imagine.  He and i are Facebook friends now and he posts links to many articles connected to kink and BDSM.  Interesting stuff.  

Here’s one that links to an article Midori wrote on “What Every Submissive Needs to Know Before They Play.”

It’s interesting, and well done, and i wonder if it would have been better if i’d read something similar back in my early days of kink.  On the other hand, a certain amount of wandering directionless is actually ok with me.  And fortunately, i was just old and mature enough that i didn’t make any irremediable mistakes.

Well, not yet anyhow.

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
~~ Bob Marley

Hmmm.  Am i just a wee bit sub-drop-y here?  Or maybe it’s just Monday morning blues after a long weekend.

Besides, now that i think about it, i did read articles like that.  i just didn’t quite know how to process the information.  Or maybe i did… Whatever.

i read an interesting blog post here  by acquiexence on burnout with the world of kink.  i can certainly understand how she feels, although i don’t think i’ve gotten too lost in it all.  But “too lost” is awfully subjective. 

i think that when i’m interested in something, i tend to get lost in it.  Wallow in it.  Wander aimlessly.  Almost get swallowed up.

Then i pull back.  Try to assimilate the things i’ve learned.  Reclaim who i am, separate my self back out.  It’s a process.  Maybe that’s the same process acquiexence is going through.

There’s a book called Go to the Widowmaker by James Jones that i read when i was in college.  That book helped me learn to recognize that process in myself, which has been helpful over the years.

Which is not to say it’s comfortable when i’m in the middle of it.  Or even that i remember it’s a process.

And, i think this is a very rambling, unfocused post, and i should stop now before it gets any worse.

Maybe definitely some sub-drop here.  Damn, i hate that.

Ok.  i’ll be better tomorrow.  Probably.  If not tomorrow, the next day. 

If not the next day, someday.


Laughing…  i know, i know.  i need to remember:

Blog Smorgasbord

6 Nov

As we’ve been talking about love, i’ve been thinking about the idea that we grow to love people by behaving lovingly towards them.  One of the mixed blessings of my first marriage is that it gave me lots of opportunity to learn this.

i would sometimes be so hurt and angry at my husband that i didn’t think i could stand it, i just wanted out, i felt like i hated him.  i’d weigh out my options, and each time, for many years, i’d end up sighing and staying.

But i wouldn’t stay and be miserable, and i couldn’t be happy and hate him at the same time.   So i’d make myself behave with love.

This was not what i felt like doing.  But it was the right thing to do.

Amazingly, in just a short time, my feelings would shift to align with my behavior.  As i did loving things for him, my heart would crack open, i’d be able to focus on the things that were positive about him, and eventually love would be in the room again.

For me, it was simply that i was not going to be an unloving person, or live in a household without love.  

In graduate school, i learned about cognitive dissonance.  i think that’s part of the psychological explanation for how that worked.   

So i’ve been thinking about that as i write about love.  Then i stumbled across this link on Facebook:

The article says ~ in part ~

The Misconception: You do nice things for the people you like and bad things to the people you hate.

The Truth: You grow to like people for whom you do nice things and hate people you harm.

It’s a pretty cool article, and supports the idea that actions can drive our feelings.   Maybe we are what we do,  

In any case, i thought i’d throw the link into the mix for your consideration.


On a different note, i really enjoyed the comments on the video “Cunt.”  It was nice hearing from some people i didn’t know before or don’t usually hear from too.  

If you enjoyed the video, you will probably also like this blog post.  {Also coming to you compliments of Donna…  thanks, Donna!}  The comments are particularly fun.


And last night, Sir X and i went to the munch.  He came over early so i didn’t miss getting my maintenance spanking.  In fact, my ass was still pink and a little stingy, a pleasant reminder of my time bent over the arm of the couch.

He brought me the new collar He made for me.  Here it is:

It’s very simple, just a few strands knotted at intervals.  i love it.  He says He may do it in a color too.  i’m hoping for purple.

The munch was fun.  Great food, more room to get up and socialize than there has been at some other venues.  We both enjoyed it.

Of course, Ms. Constance and Drew were there.  Ms. Constance was beautiful in a multi-colored silky top with full, flowing sleeves, and a skirt with fringe around the bottom.  She was wearing a lovely necklace that Drew,had brought her from his trip to Alaska.

She’s spearheading our local “I *HEART* it in The Can” drive, collecting canned goods and pet supplies.   Of course, she was getting an overwhelming response.

My friend from England, H, was there, and it was fun talking to her.  BTW, she says i’m still glowing.  Just for the record, in case you were wondering.  Apparently it hasn’t worn off at all.

There were a couple of raffles  too.  One of them was to raise money for the regional title holders of Master/slave, so they can go to the international level of the contest.  

i wasn’t going to buy one, but then i felt bad for not supporting jackie and Sir Charles, especially when jackie was selling the tickets.  i never win anything, but that’s no reason not to make a donation, right?

AND ~ guess what!!!


i won!!

The prize was a set of the Anne Rice trilogy “Sleeping Beauty,” which i haven’t read, and a flogger.

We left right after the drawing ~ with me blushing, as Sir X slapped the flogger against His hand, and H laughingly chanted, “O, you’re in so much trouble!  You’re gonna be in so much trouble when you get home…”

But the flogger will have to wait for another day, because when we got home there was a time of tenderness and gentle caresses.  i will draw the veil of privacy here.

A Moment

8 Oct

Last night, at the munch, there is a moment when i look around the room and realize i am perfectly happy.

‘Nilla is on one side of me, Sir X on the other.  ‘Nilla is deep in conversation with Ms. Constance on the other side of her, and her laughter rings out above the horrendous noise level in the room.  

Sir X is laughing too, at something Drew is saying on the other side of Him.  He ~ Sir X, not Drew ~ has His hand on my thigh, and my hand is on His knee.

Across from me are F and T, two of my favorite people, who have just gotten through explaining how the decision making process works when both people in the household are switches.   

And when i put my hand to my throat, i can feel the collar Sir X has brought with Him for me to wear tonight.   Just for tonight ~ it will leave with Him when we get back home.  

Here is what it looks like:

The last time i wore that collar, He’d put a padlock on the rings.  Tonight, he knots the cord to hold it in place, as secure a fastening in its way as the padlock.

And at that moment, at the munch, when i look around the room, i am perfectly happy.


2 Oct

Having been stroked

         and petted

                  and caressed beyond pleasure

i fell asleep purring…

And slept way too long.


Wednesday, ‘Nilla will be here.  i’ m so excited, i can hardly stand it.  i’m beginning to build some structure to our time.

Thursday afternoon, lunch with Ms. Constance.

Thursday evening, dinner with Donna and Bill, who’ll be coming in after a business meeting on Wednesday with their employers and the rest of the staff over at Under Contract to My Wife.  

Friday morning, breakfast with Donna and Bill.

Friday night, the munch with me and Sir X and 50 or so other kinksters (still wishing we could talk Donna and Bill into staying for it!)

So much to look forward to ~ but for now, i need to take my still tingling body and start my day.