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26 Mar

Yesterday was the fourth Sunday munch, but before that there was a gathering in an upstairs room at a pizza place.  {Sounds a little shady already, doesn’t it?  laughing…}

It was an unusual gathering.  We’re in the middle of what we call “March Madness” and the whole state is glued to the TV and basketball games.  We, however, were gathered, about 25 of us, to hear Sir Charles and slave Jacki do a presentation on their relationship.

At the end of April, they’ll be going to Beyond Leather, a huge, wonderful kink event in Ft. Lauderdale.  Beyond Leather is run by Sir Top and slave bonnie, who presented at COPE.  i wrote about their presentations and how i got to meet and talk with them when i was all-by-myself and they graciously invited me to join them at lunch.  i wanted very, very much to go to the event, but can’t do it this year. 

Here’s a link to it, in case you can go, or if you just want to read about it and wish.

Anyhow.  Sir Charles and Jacki are entering the Power Exchange contest there.  Ms. Constance describes it like this:

“The International Power Exchange contest is designed to include pairs of people who have been involved in a power exchange dynamic for at least one year that aren’t normally included in other large event contests. It doesn’t matter if you identify as Owner and property, Daddy/Mommy and boi/boy/girl, Handler and puppy, Dominant and submissive, etc… you are eligible to compete at this new contest.”

So, jacki is Sir Charles’ slave, and she’s “a Little.”  They’re refining a presentation about Littles,  and what it’s like to have a power exchange relationship that includes that dynamic.

It was fascinating.  They’re excellent speakers, and it’s an interesting dynamic.  

You know, Carl Jung, the psychologist, believed that we don’t really shed developmental stages, we just accumulate new layers.  So our “child,” “adolescent,” “young adult”  those archetypes and others are still present within us.

It seems to me that Littles tap into that psychic energy and  let those inner selves come out to play.  Literally.

They may bring their coloring books to events.   Wear their hair in pigtails and suck on lollipops.  Where-i-live, we have events for them.  Easter egg hunts.  Trips to the zoo, or bowling alley.

It’s always kind of amused me, in a distant kind of way.  i’m not a Little.  Well, at least i don’t think i am.

So when i was at the SIGS discussion last week, they were talking about going to Build-a-Bear, which is apparently “a thing.”  Here’s a link to it:

{When the Littles were all talking about going,  K kept saying she thought it was a form of taxidermy, which made me say ~ “NOPE ~ Chuck Testa!”  Only one other person “got it,” but he and i cracked up.}

 Youall know the Chuck Testa commercial, right?  If not;

Omigosh, i am just overwhelming you with links today…  and the best is yet to come.

slave jacki and Sir Charles were at the South Plains Leatherfest, and competed for the Master/slave title there.  Here’s a link to slave jacki’s presentation.

You have to scroll down to the video labelled “Great Lakes Master.”   It’s a beautiful presentation.

And it made me start thinking about Littles, thinking about it beyond smiling indulgently when i notice they’re around.  And i wonder ~ i don’t hear many of my blogger friends talking about being a Little.  i know one slave who’s also a Little, and some of you have Doms with some degree of “Daddy.”  But i don’t know more about how this works for you all.

March is Question and Answer month – only now i’m asking – any Littles out there?  How does it work for you?  Leave me a comment, link to your blog, or email me ~

In the meantime, here are some pictures of the beautiful bears that some of the Littles here made recently.  Caile was kind enough to share them with me:


And here is Caile’s “bear” which is actually a bunny:

i have to admit they’re kind of cute.  Even if i do scoff at the whole thing just a little.  You know, “only in America….” but i say it indulgently.

And i’m curious to hear your thoughts on it all!

In My Own Head

20 Mar

On Facebook today, i posted this quote:

“Where love rules, there is no will to power, and where power predominates, love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other.”
― C.G. Jung

Only after i’d posted it did i realize how odd a quote it is for someone who’s into TTWD.  How do i believe that quote and want a power exchange relationship at the same time?  

It makes no sense.

But if it’s true that i believe both, then it does make sense and is worth looking at.  It unfolds quickly ~

Jung says that power is “the shadow” of love.  In his beliefs, everything has a “shadow,” a dark underbelly, its opposite.  When we ignore the shadow side of something, we’re at risk of having it take over.

For example – “mother love” is a big Jungian concept.  Warm, nurturing, embracing, all good, right?  

The shadow side is “mother love” that devours its young, that doesn’t allow them to separate, to become their own individual selves.  If you only know about the positive side of a mother’s love, and don’t recognize the presence of the shadow, then you won’t recognize when it’s influencing you, either as a mother or as a son or daughter.

Like an object and its shadow, they are connected permanently.  They’re not two different things, the shadow isn’t something to get rid of, together they create a whole.

Most often, in the mundane world, people don’t want to see ‘the shadow” side of things.  Don’t want to talk about it.

In TTWD, we acknowledge  the shadow.   We explore it.  We embrace it.  

And by doing those things, we begin to get some understanding of the thing we’re looking at.  Jung also says:

“Wholeness is not achieved by cutting off a portion of one’s being, but by integration of the contraries.”

 At the heart of BDSM is the integration of the contraries ~ pain and pleasure, slavery and freedom, power and love.  Opposites, and different sides of the same coin.  We take them out, turn them this way and that, play with them, examine them, revel in them.

No wonder TTWD have such an appeal, hold so much fascination for us.  


On a whole different note, {maybe} i watched some videos of spanking last night.  Well, just short clips, not like a whole video.  It amazes me sometimes how much i can get turned on by so little.

Like my own little fantasies…


“Come here,” He says.  

Somber.  i know i’ve done something wrong.

i stand in front of Him, eyes downcast.

“Did you make the appointment today for your annual check-up at the doctor?”

My heart races ~ omg, no.  No, i didn’t, and He clearly reminded me to this morning.  Damn.  Why didn’t i do it?

The silence hangs in the air a moment too long, and “I didn’t think so,” He says.

“Bend over the arm of the couch,” He says.  “Take off your jeans first.”

The air is cool on my legs, they feel exposed, but so does my ass, even though my panties are still on.

“Push that ass out,” He says.  “You know you have this coming.  I specifically told you to make the appointment today.  Right?”

“Yes, Sir,” i say, my voice slightly muffled since i’m bent over.


And He walks away.  i’m left waiting, lost in remorse, not just because i’m about to get spanked, but ~

i had asked for help.  i had told Him i’d been having trouble with procrastinating, just simple things that didn’t take that long to do.

i’d made a list of 5 or 6 things that i’d been putting off.  Making my annual doctor’s appointment was just one of the things on the list, but it was the first He’d picked.

“That’s a priority,” He’d said.

WHY didn’t i do it?  

Still bent over the arm of the couch, the more i think about it, the worse i feel.  The very first day, and i’ve already failed.  i shouldn’t have asked Him.  Now i’ve just let Him down, let us both down.  He won’t even want to help anymore.

i hear Him walk back into the room, He sets something down on the table.  

He is behind me.  

His hand grasps my panties, yanks them down so my ass is exposed.

“Open your legs,” He says.  “Wider.”

And He walks away.

i wait, even more exposed and vulnerable.  i don’t need to be told to think about what i’ve done.  i can’t think about anything else.

When He comes back, i sense Him behind me more than hear Him.  

“You know why you’re being punished?” He says.

“Yes, Sir.  i was supposed to make my doctor’s appointment, and i didn’t.”

“You were supposed to do the most important thing on the list of things you’ve been neglecting,” He says.  “That’s not acceptable.  I’m disappointed in you.”

My heart sinks, i want to cry.  He goes on ~

“I’m going to give you 5 with the riding crop for punishment,”

i think, o, that’s not too bad ~

“And 5 more to help you remember to do it tomorrow,” which is worse.   “You may count out loud.”

“Yes, Sir,” i say.

i hear Him tapping the crop against His leg, i’m braced.

Then it whooshes through the air, and i manage to hold still and not jerk away anticipating it, but after it lands, O!  Omg, it hurts so bad… and i almost forget, but “ONE!” i say, and then, “Thank you, Sir,”

You know, i do appreciate it.  i’m glad that He cares enough to take the time to ~~ “TWO!  Thank you, Sir” ~~ to discipline me.  Even though i may feel less glad when He gets to 10.

“THREE!  Thank you, Sir.”  My ass is burning.  The third one landed crossways over the first two.  Omg.   Can i take ~ how many more left? 

“FOUR!  Thank you, Sir.”

Tomorrow, i’ll make that damn doctor’s appointment.   For sure.


Subspace for Me

18 Sep

When He puts the collar on me, it does something to me.  

The feeling of the material against my neck.  Whether it’s rope, a little stiff and rough, or leather, flexible and already broken in, it does something to me.

i am already a little on edge, because He is here, because we have finished dinner, because i have some idea what is coming next.  When He says, “Get your mat,” it ups the ante, i know it is time ~ let the games begin.

i know what to expect.  He has let me know some things that will happen each time, and my body is responding to the anticipation of what is coming.

i learn quickly, and the patterns feel engrained already.  My body trembles with anticipation, and a touch of anxiety.

As i get the mat, everything else falls away.  The act of preparing it ~ laying it out on the ground, putting a towel over it ~ these physical movements increase my arousal.

i know some things that will happen; i don’t know other things.  i know the order  of the implements he will use on me.  i don’t know how long, or how hard, or how well i’ll take it.  

i know we’ll practice positions.  

i don’t know what other things He will ask of me, or whether i’ll please Him with my responses.

All of these things are floating in my mind somewhere, increasing my arousal.  It is arousal in the sexual sense, and also just arousal in the “adrenaline flowing” sense.  

i am ready to act, attuned to Him, wanting to respond.

As I lay out the mat, my awareness of my own physical being increases.  The movements involved in doing it.  The way my hands and arms work.  My leg muscles as i kneel, the movement of my breasts as i arrange the towel.  

i am already wet.  

i sit on the towel, and wait.  Not for long, but in that minute or two ~

~~ anticipation builds.  

My awareness of my body increases.

My mind grows still.  i am open and receptive.

 i am not thinking in words anymore; there are sensations and images in my mind, but mostly i am focused right here and now.

When He sits in front of me, my attention becomes completely His.  

“Kneel,” He says.  “Do you remember that position?”

i do, and i move smoothly and quickly, wanting to do it just right.

He picks up the collar, “Leather tonight,” He says, and i know how it will feel around my neck.  “Come here.”

i scoot forward on my knees and He smiles a little.

i know, because He has told me before, that once He puts the collar on me, He expects me to obey Him without question.  i am not thinking about that, but that knowing is there.

As He puts it around my neck, i feel something inside me shift.  It is a breaking open ~ i don’t know how else to describe it.

He claims me with the collar, and i respond by opening to Him.  My heart opens, my mind is totally focused on Him, totally receptive.

My spirit opens.

As He buckles the collar, pulls it tight, there is awareness of my breath.  Of vulnerability.   The tension up just a notch ~ instinctive, not afraid, but hyper alert.

When He settles the collar into place, everything in me is His, the shift is more profound.  i am transformed.  Focused, open, receptive, totally in the here and now…

He has claimed me, i am His.

Show and Tell

6 Sep

So we meet at 2:30, Sir X and i.  Go to Starbucks for coffee and to start the Show and Tell.  {Noooo, not that kind of show and tell.}

His show and tell is a picture on His phone ~ of a shoe horn.  A long-handled shoe horn.  

The “tell” goes like this:

He has a coffee table, and was thinking you could tie someone to it.  That it would serve well as a spanking bench.  

Then He realizes the angle would be wrong if He were using a belt.  The height, the way the person would be tied, it just wouldn’t work. 

Then He sees the shoe horn.  He realizes that if He used that, the angle wouldn’t be a problem. 

Of course, it is a mean looking shoe horn, something like this:


He has also brought a bag of toys, but we don’t look at those in Starbucks; that comes later.

So i had actually brought a card with an Anais Nin quote on it ~ the one that goes:

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”  ~ Anais Nin

because i think of that as part vanilla and part kink.  We talk about what it means to me.  He likes it.

But then it occurs to me that i actually have something else to show Him.  {Ok, quit laughing, i know, there are lots of other things i could have shown Him, that’s not what i mean.}

No, on Sunday, when i was practicing with the small gift He’d given me, for some reason {don’t ask me why, i don’t know} i’d taken a picture of my nipple with the little rope wheel-person around it.  i think i’d had some thought of using it on here, but discarded that idea.

Anyhow, sitting there in Starbucks, it occurs to me that the nipple shot might make a nice show and tell.  So a little shyly, i pull my phone out.

“And then there’s this,” i say.

As i’d hoped, He seems pleased with it.

And then, coffee in hand, we embark on a series of adventures.  i won’t detail them all ~ but the theme for the day is “doing private things in public places.”  

Just a few minutes of one thing, then on to the next.  “Like a sampler plate,” He says.

i giggle.

There was a park picnic table and His toy bag.   Ropes and cuffs and collars and such…  very nice.

There was a public building and the multi-sex bathroom on the second floor.  The kind that doesn’t have stalls, but just one big room.    Private enough for a few minutes of kinky exploration.

But then He opens the door to “make sure it’s clear,” ~~

~~ and leads me out right past some man waiting to get in.

i’m too embarrassed ~ and we’re moving too fast ~ to see the man’s face, i can only imagine.  But i giggle all the way back to the car.

There are a couple of more stops before dinner, including a cemetery, and some tasks for me, but i’ll leave that to your imagination for now.

Dinner with Ms. Constance and Drew, J, and Tammy was lots of fun, and if i consider how much Domly energy there was at the table, it’s a wonder that Drew and i weren’t crushed.


Except really they aren’t like that at all, well, not last night anyhow, and Sir X and i both had a good time.

And yes, we’re seeing each other again.  Thursday night.

Friday i go to COPE.

And in 30 days, ‘Nilla will be here.

Life is good.

O, i almost forgot to tell you ~ Sir X gave me another gift.  Since i practiced successfully with the one rope noose thing-y, i get to keep that one, and i have something else to try.  i’ll tell you about it tomorrow… 

Discipline (Part IV)

18 Aug

{In case you’re just now starting to read this story, it actually starts with Here She Is and works its way through The Major before becoming Discipline.  Or you can just start here.}

It’s only then, happily settled in at His feet, that i notice the other woman.  She is on the floor too, at the feet of the Other Man.

Naked too, without even a corset.  Younger than i, i notice, with long black hair.  i’m shocked to realize that i’d been so intent on The Major that i hadn’t realized she was there.

She glances at me then, and i smile at her, a little tentative, a little embarrassed.  It doesn’t feel quite real somehow, both of us here naked at the feet of these men.  What am i thinking, letting myself be treated like this?

i’m beginning to think maybe i should do something, maybe i should tell Him i want to leave, when i feel His hand on my head.  Grasping my hair firmly, right there – right in that place at the nape of my neck.

That sends a shiver of pleasure through me.  And i feel myself slip, the rebellion stirring in me fades quickly as i relax into the sensations.

He’s talking to the Other Man, and i try to focus, try to listen.

“No,” He says, “I don’t want to take any of that away from her.  Look at her,” and i blush, i can’t meet his eyes, the Other Man’s eyes.  i glance at the other girl though; she’s watching me.  The Major continues.

“I want her to be successful,” He says, “Want her to do wonderful things.  Look ~” the hand in my hair tightens for a second, and then is removed ~ “Kneel up, slut of mine,” He says to me.  “First position.” 

i respond immediately, and am rewarded with a smile; His thumb brushes my lips.  “Look at her,” He says.  “She’s smart, and competent, she does all kinds of things well in her vanilla life.  Dommes it all over the place, actually.”

That makes me smile, the image of me Domming it all over the place, although i know He’s right, i do.  

“I like that,” He says.  “I want her to do all of that as well as it can be done, and I want to support her in those efforts.”

At those words, my heart opens to Him even more, in some way that i didn’t know was possible.  i’m overwhelmed with desire to ~ i don’t even know ~ desire to please Him?  That seems too mild.

Whatever the feeling is, it makes my pussy throb and a shiver runs through me.

“And then,” He says, “Watch this.”  He leans forward, takes a nipple in each hand, and pinches.  Hard.

i choke back a gasp.

“Yes,” He says.  “Hold still.”  

His hands pull and twist my tender nipples, and i struggle to hold still, to not pull away.  

“Look at me,” He says.  “I want to see your pain.”  

Obediently, i look into His eyes, and am lost in Him.

He releases my nipples after a minute.  “And then,” He says to the Other Man, “when she comes home ~ then she’s mine.  Then all that passion,all her energy is directed to pleasing me.  Obeying me.  What could be more beautiful?”

He picks up something on the table next to Him, and i realize, with dismay, that they’re nipple clamps.

My nipples are still distended, it’s easy to slip them on, one after the other.  They’re tweezer clamps.  He adjusts them so they’re painful, but not unbearable.

“Can you take that?” He asks.

i nod, “yes, Sir.”

“Ok, tell me if it gets to be too much.”  And He turns back to the conversation with the Other Man.  

He’s talking about pain, The Major is, and how it serves a purpose, increases a sense of submission and devotion, and arouses at the same time.   He refers to me as His slut, which delights me, but the pain of the clamps is a little distracting.

So i’m dismayed when He leans over and tightens the clamps.  Just a fraction tighter, but still.  “There,” He says, “Can you take that? Is that ok?”

i nod ~ speaking seems to be beyond me.  They hurt dreadfully, but i don’t want to let Him down.

“Good,” He says, stroking my cheek, “Good girl.  Let me know if it gets to be too much.”

i lose the thread of what He’s saying then, my attention is all on my nipples, my aching nipples.  i’m surprised, and a little dismayed, to realize i’m also very aroused.   My pussy aches.

Feeling empty and neglected, i desperately want Him to touch me.  

To fill my pussy.  Even my asshole, which still feels a little stretched and sore from the butt plug earlier, i want to feel Him there.

His voice fades in and out, i feel tears in my eyes.  It seems like i’ve been kneeling here in pain forever.

i’m vaguely aware that the other girl is watching me.  But only vaguely, and i don’t care, except i don’t want to let Him down in front of her, in front of the Other Man.

He leans forward again, begins to tighten the clamps.  “Sir?” i say, and He looks at me ~

raises an eyebrow.  “Just a little,” He says.  “Just a little, can you take a little bit more for Me?”

i’m chewing on my lip, trying not to cry, i manage to nod.

As He tightens the one on my left nipple, He says, “It’s ok to cry if you feel like it.  I don’t want you to move, but you can let the tears out.”

i whimper, and He begins to tighten the clamp on the right nipple.  Carefully, just a touch tighter.

A tear spills over.  He smiles, touches my face, traces the path of the tear.

“Look how beautiful she is,” He says to the Other Man.  “She’ll take this, accept this pain, for Me.  Because it pleases Me. And really, it’s her willingness to please, to push her own limits of what she can take, that pleases me most.”

He turns back to me, touches another tear on my cheek.  “Have you had enough?  Are you ready for them to come off?”

i want to scream, “O, hell yeah, get these suckers off me!” but i don’t.  i say, “Um, yes, Sir, please?”

And He says, “Really?  You want them off right now?  Don’t you think we should see if you can cum for me first?”

The Major (Part XIII)

12 Aug

i don’t know how long i’d been kneeling there, i was beginning to think this wasn’t what He wanted,  when the door opened.  

The Major ~ and for a minute, as He looked down at me, i thought He was displeased, and i trembled.  Lowered my eyes, felt tears beginning ~

but He took my chin, tilted my head up.  

We looked at each other for a long minute.  i longed to touch Him, stroke His face, caress His body, but i waited.

i felt such devotion, and i hoped that He could see it, because i couldn’t have found words for it.

And it seemed like a long time that He looked at me, and then ~

“My slut,” He said, claiming me, My slut.”

The Major (Part X)

8 Aug

{If you’re just now joining this fantasy, it actually starts here, as “Here She Is” and goes on for a really long time before becoming “The Major.”  But you can probably enjoy it just as much starting here.}

He leads the way into the house, and turns to face me.  “Kneel,” He says.  “As if you were getting into First Position.  Yes, like that, but put your hands out in front of you ~ that’s right ~ lay the switch across both hands, yes, like that, and offer it to me.”

Following His directions, i offer Him the switch.  He takes it from me and whips it through the air a couple of times, making that switchy whistle sound.  My heart races.

“If it’s something like a switch, or a whip, or impact instrument of some sort you’ve offered,” He continues, “then once I’ve taken it, you need to move into Second Position right away, and offer your ass.”

Even as i’m doing it, bending forward so my head is on the ground and my ass raised high in the air, i wonder why i’m accepting this so readily.  Why it’s so easy to follow His instructions.

Why it makes me so incredibly hot to know that He’s going to use that switch on me.  i know it’s going to hurt.  And my pussy is throbbing and aching, juices running down my inner thighs.  

“That’s it,” He says.  “Good girl.  I always like to test an implement.  We’re not going to carry out your punishment right now, I just want to test the switch.”  He leans over to rub my ass gently, stroking it; it makes me shiver, a wave of pleasure running through me.

He laughs.  “No cumming you know,” He says, standing.  Then i hear the switch ~ hear it whistle ~ omigod ~ and it lands on my ass, a sharp, biting sting that makes me cry out.  It is all i can do not to jump up and run.

But i don’t.  i stay in position, whimpering now as the sting spreads through my body, finally dissipating, and i can breathe again.  

Trembling, afraid He’s going to do it again.

The muscles in my asshole have tightened around the butt plug and i’m more aware of that invasive presence.  Sometimes, it seems like it’s just become part of me, that it’s natural to have this thing inside me.  Other times, i’m acutely aware of wanting it out.

“Up,” He says.  “You’ve chosen well.  The punishment will come later, at the end of the day.  Go to the bathroom and remove the butt plug, wash it up with soap and water.  Diana will show you how to clean it more thoroughly later.

“Then come here, we need to work on your life inventory.”

He seats Himself in the recliner, and i go to the bathroom.  With great relief i remove the butt plug, a little disgusted to hear the noises emanating from my asshole as i pull it out.  i wash it quickly, leave it to dry on the sink.  i am relieved that it’s gone ~ and surprised that i feel so empty.

He allows me to kneel at His feet.  First Position ~ back straight, breasts thrust forward, knees slightly parted.  My hands rest, palms up, on my thighs.

He pinches each nipple, hard.

“Tell me about your job, what you’re doing now, and what you want to do.

So i do.  i talk for a long time.  Some of it is good ~ i’m self-supporting, i have a job that helps other people.  i do it well, for the most part, as well as anyone could, i think.  If i’m overwhelmed a lot, i’m pretty sure anyone would be under the same circumstances.

It’s a little uncomfortable to confess how many times i tell myself i’ll do this or that at home over a weekend to get it out of the way, and end up on Sunday night with none of it done.  But i tell Him.

When we move to “what i want to do,” i begin to squirm inside.  There are so many things i want to do, need to do.  And i make so little progress on any of them.

So when He says, “So you’re telling me you have a book half written, and haven’t looked at in months?  That it’s maybe more than a year since you even tried to work on it?” i hang my head.  

“Yes, Sir.” i say.

“And you’re telling me you were looking into a possibility that might get you out of your current job, and you haven’t followed through on it?  Is that right?  That you haven’t managed to send another email?”

i’m really squirming now, i can’t look at Him.  “Yes, Sir,” i say, noticing how small my voice is.

“Well,” His voice is kind, “I guess you spend a lot of time doing things around the house.  What kind of projects have you got going on there?”

And i have to confess, hardly anything.  A basement that needs cleaning out in the worst way, and weeks go by without me doing anything that would be progress.

i tell Him about hours spent on facebook, hours spent looking for new posts on my favorite blogs.  i want to sink through the ground.

“Slut,” He says, “Look at me.”

Reluctantly, i lift my eyes.  Tears threatening to spill over.

He leans forward.  “This is why you’re here,” He says, his voice light, and kind.  “You lack discipline.  No need to be ashamed.  I’m here to help you.”

The tears fall then, hot tears, and He pulls me to Him, lets me rest my head on His thigh, strokes my hair, tugging it gently at the nape of my neck, while i sob.

When i am finished, He hands me a kleenex.  Makes me blow my nose.

“First position,” He says, and i sit back on my knees, arrange my body as He likes.  “Arms up,” He says, and i raise them, hands locked behind my head.

He holds my breasts, stroking and caressing each one.  Pinching the nipples, hard enough that i whimper.  They are still sore from the clamps earlier in the day.

“Discipline,” He says.  “You do so well with direction.  I can see that.  You just need more structure and support.  Do you want that?”

He releases my breasts, sits back.  i am left, open and exposed.   My pussy throbs, so hot and wet.   Nipples ache, and long to be touched.  My asshole is stretched and sore, and yet i want to be filled again.  

“Structure and support?” i say.

He nods.  “For a week, I want complete control of you.  Want you to stay here and give yourself to me. Completely, without reservation.”

He smiles, “Do you agree?”

The Major (Part VIII)

4 Aug

They lead me back down the hall to the bedroom.  i’m still distracted by the butt plug filling my asshole, and feeling a little spacy from all the sensations and things that have happened to me.  But i notice more about the room now that i had not paid attention to before.

It’s a big room.  Half of it is a bedroom; the other half is more like a study or home office.  There are shelves full of books, a computer desk, a recliner, and a rocking chair.   The recliner is what He had been sitting in before, when He had allowed me to please Him with my mouth.  There’s a small round table with a chair.

The wall opposite the mirrored wall has drapes from floor to ceiling, and i wonder if there’s a window behind them.  

“It’s almost time for lunch,” says Selena, “but first He wants you to go ahead and do a blog post.”  She gestures for me to sit at the computer desk.  There’s a laptop similar to the one i have at home.  

“It’s a lot later than you usually post, but He says people will be wondering what happened to you if you don’t do it at all.”

“You can write whatever you want for your blog,” adds Diana, “although He’ll read it and approve before it’s posted.  But He wants you to write for Him what it feels like to have the butt plug in.”

i’m relieved, and a little stunned.   Somewhere in the back of my head, i’ve been worried about not posting anything on my blog today, so i’m glad He’s going to let me.  But approving it before it’s posted ~ that’s a new experience for me.  i’m not sure how i feel about it.

“You’ll have about an hour,” says Diana.  

They leave me seated in front of the computer, a bottle of water close at hand.  i log into my blog, and am delighted at the sense of familiarity.  This feels like home.

i write for Him first though.
i write about the sensation of being plugged.  How it feels to raise my ass and allow Him to push the plug in, even though my body wants it out.

How small and submissive it makes me feel to wear it.

How sexy i feel, in the heels, walking for Him, the plug accentuating the movement of my ass with each step.

It pours out quickly, the words flowing.  

i write about what it feels like now, sitting naked at the desk, writing about it, while the plug stretches my ass.  How uncomfortable, and comforting, it is.  

How wet it makes me.

But it takes me about 45 minutes to write it, and by the time i reread it and edit, my time is almost up.   i hope He’ll let me use it for a blog post today.
i’m starting a blog post for tomorrow when the door opens ~ it is The Major.  He’s wheeling a cart, and the aroma from the tray on the cart is tantalizing.
He places the cart next to the small table, and comes to look over my shoulder.  “Finished?”

“Yes, Sir, if it’s ok if i use the piece about the butt plug for my blog.  i didn’t get two pieces done.”

“Let me see,” He says, gesturing for me to get up. He seats himself at the desk, and says, “First Position.”

i kneel quickly this time.  i am still wearing the necklace with the three tokens and that is a reminder to respond immediately.

i’m very anxious as He reads, and He takes His time with it.  

When He’s finished, He nods.  “Good job,” He says, and the flood of relief His words bring is almost overwhelming.  Tears well up behind my eyes.

“Lunch is ready,” He says, “Go ahead and get this posted and then you may come eat.”

i sit back down at the computer, and He seats Himself at the table.   My back is almost to Him, but i glance over and see He’s arranging  food from the cart on the table.
i work quickly to post the day’s writing, and when i’m done, i say, “Sir?  i’ve finished.”

“Good.  Come here.”

i do, and i see that there’s a pad on the floor beside Him, like a yoga mat.  “O, that’s for me,” i think.   i’m surprised at how easy it is to accept that my place is on the floor and not seated at the table with Him.
‘”Go wash your hands,” He says, and i do, quickly returning.
“Sit,” He says, and that makes me grin, i don’t know why.  But i do sit, and settle myself as comfortably as i can.
He feeds me by hand.

Vegetables, some kind of roasted vegetables, potatoes and squash and zucchini and asparagus and tomatoes, almost like a ragout.   It’s messy, and He feeds me with a spoon.
It is delicious.  

More so because it comes directly from Him.

Watermelon, cantaloupe and honeydew for dessert.

i eat my fill.  Then ~~

“Ok, slut of mine,” He says.   “It’s time for the next step in your inventory.”
My heart about stops.  i had hoped He’d forgotten about it, but of course that was silly.

“But first,” He says, and i breathe a tiny sigh of relief, “First I want you to get a switch for your punishment later.  I’ve found it’s really effective when you’re allowed to choose your own switch.”

Well, my heart really about stops then.  How could He know that’s been part of my secret fantasies, just about forever?

“Go ahead and clear the table first, please,” He says, and i move to do that.  “Just put the dishes on the cart.”

He goes to the wall and pulls a cord – the drapes open, and i see that there are glass doors leading to a meadow.  

Quickly, i clear the table.

i am trying to stay away from the doors, naked as i am.  But ~

“Come here,” He says.  “I’ll go outside with you, and bring the hedge trimmers.  You’ll want to pick one that’s thick enough to stand up to some hard usage.”  And He smiles.

“But ~~” i gesture to myself, reluctant still to get near the glass.

O, don’t worry, no one will see you,” He says.  “We’re far enough out in the country that it’s perfectly safe.  We often have people wondering around naked on the grounds.  Anyone who comes here knows that.”

i obey, slowly, half trying to cover myself.

He laughs.  “Arms up, hands behind your head, please.”

Even more reluctantly, i obey.   “O, wait, here ~” he says, “Put your sandals on.  Can’t go out there barefoot.”

I slip my sandals on, and then, “Arms back up,” He says.  He slides the door open, and i feel warm air on my skin.  The sun is shining.

“Come on,” He says, “Out with you.  I’ll get the trimmers.” 

The Major (Part VI)

2 Aug

i barely have time to register that i look horrible and The Major is there watching me.  Diana leads me into some yoga positions that are not uncomfortable, but ~ ok, well, they stretch me a little bit.  So i’m focused on trying to follow her lead, and not completely embarrass myself in front of them all.

That isn’t easy; this is all unfamiliar to me. But her voice is soothing and assures me that i just need to do what i can.  And then the yoga takes over, and my mind is stilled as i find that place inside myself where i’m centered and everything is ok.

We finish, and i am enjoying the sense of peace, when the clock chimes again.  Diana looks at me expectatntly, and The Major is watching me too.

i’m almost frozen, jarred out of a sense of calm, i become aware of my appearance.  Sweaty, disheveled, nipples and pussy exposed.  And now i’m supposed to pull on my own nipples, in front of Him.  

i want the floor to open and swallow me.

But it doesn’t, and now they are all looking at me expectantly.  i know i need to do it, but i can’t, i just can’t.

The Major leans forward.  “You’re having a  hard time with this?” He asks, and his voice is calm and kind.

i can only nod.

“That’s ok,” He says.  “I guess it’s pretty hard to have to pull on your own nipples, to keep them hard for Me.  That’s ok.  We can talk about that later.  Selena, put the clamps on her, please.”

i make a little noise, i can’t help it.  

“What?” He says, and i shake my head, “But ~ i didn’t mean ~ i don’t need ~ not..”  

He nods.  “Don’t worry.  Anything that’s difficult for you, we can find a way to help you with it.  Now, go ahead and pull on your nipples so the clamps will go on easy.”

i realize that it’s easier to do when i’ve been ordered, although i still feel myself blushing.  i tug on them, and He says, “Harder.  Do you want Me to have to do it?”  

Selena returns with the clamps.  She takes my left nipple in hand, tugs harder, and slips the clamp on.  It looks like tweezers, and she slides the clasp up it until i’m uncomfortable.  

She repeats the process with my right nipple.  

“Pretty,” she says.  “Look.”  She turns me toward the mirror, and i see my nipples, clamped, sticking out of my bra.  It looks like the clamps are designed to keep them fully exposed.  They are already a little more uncomfortable.

“Just five minutes,” says the Major.  “Five minutes out of every 15.  It’s not how long they’re left on that matters, putting them on and taking them off are the ~” he pauses and smiles, “the instructive parts.

“Now that your nipples are being stretched, so to speak, let’ s see what else we can do.  Diana, why don’t you take the slut to the bathroom, and Selena and I will get things ready.”

i don’t want to leave, i want to know what’s going to happen, and “What?” i say it without thinking.  “What are you going to do?”   i am trembling, the clamps hurting more, but i feel better for asking.

He looks surprised.  “What difference does it make?  If you don’t want to do it, you’re free to leave.  You know that.”

“But,” i hang my head, “i just want to know.”

“Of course you do,” He says.  “Diana, would you take her to the bathroom please?  One more minute on the clamps.”

Diana leads me out of the room.

She removes the clamps when we get to the bathroom, and the clamps hurt as much coming off as they did going on.  As the blood rushes back into them, i whimper.

She leaves me alone in the bathroom for a few minutes, which is a relief.  Then she has me remove my shorts, and spread myself over the bidet while she cleans me.   She takes my bra off and wipes me down, getting most of the sweat off. Dries me and rubs a little lotion on.

My hair is a mess, and i use the brush laying on the sink.  It’s not a great improvement, but better than nothing.

“Come on,” she says.  “Time to get back.”

The chimes start ringing just as we enter the room.   Standing in front of The Major, a woman on each side of me, and they’re all looking at me again.

Selena is holding out a different pair of clamps.

“O!” i say, quickly pulling on my nipples.  i think these are clover clamps,  i wonder if they will feel different.

Selena puts them on, and i whimper.   They hurt a lot.

“First Postion,” says The Major, and, distracted by the pain in my nipples, i don’t respond immediately.  He raises His eyebrows, and i realize what He’s said.  

Quickly, i kneel, arrange my body as i’ve been taught.   “Yes, Sir.”

“Very nice,” He says, “Once you got there.  That’s three for being slow to respond, but you get full credit for your posture.” 

Selena is holding a black velvet ribbon, about a quarter inch wide.  She picks up three circular metal pieces, each one has a hole in the middle. She slides them on the ribbon, and then stands behind me to fasten the ribbon around my neck.

i can feel the metal pieces weighing down the necklace, feel them cool against my skin.   

“A reminder,” He says, “of what you have coming.”  

A shiver runs through me.  

“Now,” He nods to Diana, who takes the nipple clamps back off.  Yikes.  

When she’s finished, He says, “Second Position, please.”

i remember to respond, and lean forward, stretching my arms in front of me, raising my ass in the air.

Diana kneels behind me, and i feel her hands part my cheeks further.  Selena joins her and i feel an oily substance, some kind of lubricant being rubbed in the crevice between my cheeks, her finger sliding it into my asshole.

i moan.  It feels good, which surprises me.

Then they both step back, and The Major is behind me.  He is holding something.

The Major (Part III)

30 Jul

When He has finished spanking me ~ and He takes a good long time with it ~ He slides His fingers inside me.  i am so wet, and it doesn’t take long for Him to  bring me to that peak, taking me up, up, and over the top~~

and i cum hard ~ sliding down, trembling, shaking, and crying out as the waves of pleasure run through me.  

The contrast to my ass, which is burning hot and sore, only adds to my pleasure.

i slide to the ground, in a heap in front of Him, puddled around His feet.  i am drained of tension, my body feels boneless, and my heart is filled with a longing to please Him.

His hands stroke me til i begin to recover, as if i have truly been fucked senseless.  i rest my head against His thigh.  His hands play with my hair.   

“Sir?” i say.


“May i – may i suck Your cock, please?”

He seems to consider for a long moment, then says, “Yes, you may.”

He’s wearing jeans, but nothing under them, it’s easy to pull His cock out, already half hard.  It’s  a lovely cock, just the right size and length, shaped exactly the way a cock should be.   It fits in my mouth nicely at first.

i take my time, warming it with my breath, licking it and cooling it with my breath, putting my mouth around it, beginning to suck.  Just the head at first, filling my mouth.  i savor the feeling.

When my mouth is moist enough, i let it slide deeper.   Taking it further into my mouth, swirling my tongue on the bottom of it.

His hand rests on the back of my head, but He lets me work to please Him in my own way.  Occasionally, He pushes my head further down, thrusts Himself deeper into my mouth, hitting the back of my throat.

i am still learning His cock. i think that He may be close to cumming, and i start to move in the rhythm that leads to the end, but He stops me.  

“No,” He says.  “We have other work to do before you are allowed that privilege today.”  i whimper.  That makes me want more than anything to be allowed to finish pleasing Him, but he pulls my head up, “No.  First Position.”

i rock back on my heels, reluctant but obedient.  He directs me to put my arms up, hands behind my head.  In that position, i feel incredibly open and vulnerable.

He pinches and twists my nipples, making me squirm and moan.  

When He has finished, my nipples are hard and red, beginning to feel sore.  

He lets me put my arms down then, rest them on my thighs.  He has my complete attention.

“Let’s talk some  more,” He says, “about what you want.  i need to make sure i understand.”

“Yes, Sir,” i say, not sure what He means.

“When you talk about the shame you feel, your sense of not having completed what you wanted at the end of the day ~” He shakes His head ~ “Some people would say that you do plenty.  That you don’t need to try to do more.  But I don’t think that’s exactly what you mean ~ is it?”

i ponder that a minute.  

“You’re right.  It’s not just about needing to do ‘more.’   i mean, in a way, i have too much to do already.  But i’m not focused, and i’m not accomplishing the things i want to do.  That’s what it is,” gaining confidence as i speak, “i spend a lot of time doing stuff that other people want me to do, and take too much time with it because i’m not focused and it’s not things i want to do.  Then when i could be working on my own stuff, i’m playing on the internet.  

“It’s not just reading blogs and writing my blog, i think that’s important for me right now.  But it’s killing time that could be used to meet some of my own goals.”

“Yes.  You lack discipline,” He says, “You need more structure, to be more disciplined,” and His words send a rush of lust through me; i shiver, my pussy throbs.  “Your days here will have structure.  Do you agree to this?”

“Yes, Sir,” i say, and then, thinking that might not be enough, i add, “i want you to bring structure and ~” i hesitate, but just for a second ~ “and discipline to my life.”

“Good girl,” He says.  

The door opens, Diana and Selena come into the room.  They stand on either side of me.  He says, “You will continue to obey them as if they are me.  Is that clear?”

“Yes, Sir,” i say.  i wonder what that will be like, but of course i’ve already been doing it without being told.

He stands then, and since i am kneeling, His hand is about on a level with my face.  He cups my chin, tilts my head back.  “They’ll report your progress to me.  And there will be consequences.  That may be pleasant for you, or not.”  

He thrusts His thumb into my mouth.  i automatically begin to suck on it, but He pulls it back out.  “I want to see your ass before i go,” He says.  “Face down, ass up.”  

It takes me a second, or two, but i obey, leaning forward so my head is touching the ground, my ass raised high.  “This is Second Position,” says Diana, pressing on my back, placing a hand under my stomach, tapping the inside of my thighs to make me spread them wider, until i’m arranged to their liking.

i feel His hands spread my cheeks, and His thumb penetrates me so quickly, i cry out ~ it is not my hot, wet pussy that’s invaded, but the smaller entrance, my tightly puckered asshole.    “Hold still,” He says.

His thumb probes, opening me. i whimper.

He removes it then, and perversely, i feel empty.  i want it back.  

“Stretch her a little there too,” He says.  “Not too much though.”

And He is gone.

i remain on my knees, face pressed to the floor, ass raised.   i want to get up, to cover myself, but ~~

~~ “Stay there,” says Diana.