The Things that Touched Me

i won’t do a minute by minute report on the classes and such at Bluegrass Leather ~ but there are images that linger with me.  Each prospective titleholder on the stage ~ judges seated in a row to the side, contestants front and center.

Steven and kim, running for Bluegrass Leather M/s.   They both sound nervous to me, just a bit, voices a tad shaky.  Kim is wearing a corset, and it’s about 10 degrees in the building… ok, not 10 degrees, but it’s chilly.  She could be shaking with cold.  

But their words are clear.   And their handout is excellent.   They contrast abuse and BDSM, in the way that we’ve talked about so often in our blogs.  

“Abuse is not negotiated.  BDSM is based on SSC or RACK.”

“In an abusive relationship, there is a lack of trust.  In a BDSM relationship there is trust.”

“The abuser does not care for consent.  In BDSM, a submissive voluntarily serves the Dominant.”

They list 10 ways ~ i won’t reproduce them all here.  But the last is my favorite:

“An abuser destroys the spirit of the victim.  BDSM builds the spirit of the submissive and the Dominant.”

Isn’t that ~ maybe ~ the most important difference?  

i really want to talk more with them about their experience ~ i hope they will be doing their presentation again sometime when i can be there.

But there are other images.

“Cooke slut” was running for Bluegrass Leather Pride Ms.  i can still see her, facing the judges, answering their questions.  i don’t know if she was nervous or not.  She’s funny, and endearing, and that can mask nerves sometimes.

i don’t know if her answers are “good” or not.  Some of the questions are about Leather history and tradition, and my own knowledge is limited.    But she exudes sincerity.

Her goal is to make the community a more welcoming place, to help you feel good about being there. And for sure, she is outgoing and warm.  But ~

~ her personal moment of glory is close to the end.  Baking is Cookie Slut’s talent {hence the name} and her earned leather is an apron, which is so perfectly appropriate.   One of the judges asks her ~ and of course i don’t remember the exact question ~ but something about what she would bake for them if she could.

And she says ~ with a slight gasp of horror ~ “Bake for you?  Oh!  Do you see what he’s eating?” gesturing to the judges stand.  “Those are…” and her voice drips with disdain, “Store Bought Cookies.”  She shakes her head.  “THAT wouldn’t happen if it were up to me.”

It’s the perfect question for her ~ partly because, i guarantee you, the sight of those store-bought cookies had been weighing on her mind all along.  

The last Q and A session was with Daddy Jay, who was running for Bluegrass Leather Sir.   “A bear of a man” but more teddy bear seeming than wild and wooly – although i’m sure he’s not a stranger to wild.  {Actually, i don’t know that ~ it just sounded likely, right?}

Anyhow. 

Standing alone in front of a panel of judges, with an attentive audience watching, is an intense experience all by itself, i think.  But listening to Daddy Jay, i sense a solid core of certainty.  Not of pride or swagger ~ not at all.  It feels ~

~ it feels as if he is in touch with that deepest part of himself, that part that is most centered.  The part that isn’t thinking about whether or not the answer is “right” so much as whether or not it’s genuine.

Don’t misunderstand me ~ i think he knew his leather history and his answers to some questions {that i didn’t have a clue about} rolled out as if they didn’t require thought.  And i think that’s just how it is with him.  For example i think there are leather heroes he looks up to, and he doesn’t have to think about who they are, it’s part of who he is.

My sense is that he has a deep personal commitment to being a Dominant who leads with integrity and solid strength.  

i gotta say, i don’t know him well enough to know if this is true, right?  But those are my impressions.  That’s how he comes across to me.

Watching them reminds me of the things that i love about the leather community.  

Steven and kim’s courage and hard psychological work.  Cookie Slut’s warmth and desire to take care of people ~ whether she’s welcoming them to the community, or making sure they aren’t ingesting preservatives and disgustingly fake food.  And Daddy Jay, who represents the desire to carry on a leather tradition of being more to each other than play partners.

i think i have more to say about this, but good grief, i’m way behind schedule already.  For now, i’ll just give a nod to Ms. Constance in thanks for making this experience possible.

AND ~ March is Question and Answer month in the blogosphere.  If you have any questions for me, ask away.  If i don’t know the answer, i’ll make something up.  {Just kidding…}