Archive | August, 2011

On the Run

31 Aug

So, I get to work at 7 o’clock yesterday morning, only to discover that there was no need for it yesterday.  Today is the day i have to be there at seven.


The good news is that i’m getting a lot done in those wee hours of the morning when there are only a couple of people around. 

The bad news is i’ve got no time for The Major, and not much time for anything else.  Plus~~

i’m still talking to ~ well, emailing ~ the very intriguing local Dom i mentioned a couple of days ago.  i was talking to Donna recently, who advised me not to over-think it ~ always good advice.  And i’m not.

Even though we’re meeting Saturday night.  

Ok, yes, i’m thinking about what to wear.  He’s been clear on what he’s wearing, and made a suggestion for me ~ “comfortably sexy” ~ which i like.  Even though i think it might be an oxymoron.

He has a nice way with him.

He has an interesting life.  

He seems very confident about who he is, without being arrogant or overbearing.

He’s intelligent.

He knows about the blog, and has looked at it, read bits and pieces, and said he was impressed with what he saw, but is choosing not to read more for now.  He thinks subs need space to process without the scrutiny of a Dom.  

And i didn’t know that i would like that.  But I do.  

i like that he sees that as a legitimate need, i like that he made that decision without checking with me, and was comfortable saying that was what he was going to do.  He wasn’t condescending about it ~ not at all.  Just matter-of-fact.

i like that i can talk about him and not feel self-conscious, and also not feel like i’m being sneaky, as i do if someone doesn’t know about the blog and i’m talking about them.

i don’t like that i have to leave for work in 21 minutes, and i’m still not dressed.  

Anyhow.  i’m not on edge, not freaking out, not anticipating the future.  But i am looking forward to meeting him.

And hoping i have more time to blog tomorrow…


Slut? A Poem

30 Aug


Cheap and dirty slut.

When did she cross the line?  When her father raped her, that first time when she was 10?  The night she wore the pajamas that were too small, didn’t she know they’d tempt him beyond what a Christian man could take?


Was it when Johnny swore he loved her, when she did it coz he asked so nicely, so sweet, his hands were gentle, his breath so fresh, not like her father, whiskey laden, reeking of smoke and sweat and then

after he said he’d never tell, but then ~~ behind the bleachers ~

the girls sneering, 

and the boys lined up chanting, Suck it suck it suck it slut

so she did, cause what was she s’posed to do?  She did and did and did and

they left her there, left alone after all


And so sometimes she holds tight, untouched, keeping her heart tucked away in a drawer, next to her passion, the purple dildo that only she knows about.

But then, ready to explode, needing the touch just to know she lives,

fucking half a dozen men in a week or two,

                     discarding them as quickly as they cum ~

~pun intended.


Didn’t she know she was s’posed to save it for him?  



This is not my story, although it could have been; it’s just a matter of fate that it wasn’t.  i don’t know where it came from, it appeared in my mind and slid onto the page in response to some discussion on another blog about the word slut, and who might or might not be one.

In my best fantasies, in the BDSM world, we use the word with love and affection, trying to take the sting and the shame out of it.  Slut shaming is practically a national pastime… and i’m so against it.

In my mind, either we are all sluts, or none of us are.  And i could talk more about that, cause you know i’ve got more to say on the subject, but not today.

Gotta be at work at 7 for real… 

Writing Fast

29 Aug

First of all ~ hoping that all my friends on the northeast coast came through the storms ok.  MoR had some damage to his new house, from the earthquake, which kinda breaks my heart for him, but i’m glad he’s ok.  

‘Nilla’s ok.  Sky, over at Desire to Yield,  is ok and has power back.  And some of you are probably in that area and I don’t even know it so i hope all is well with you too.

i have to be at work at 7:00 today and tomorrow ~ yes, that’s BE there, and 7:00 A.M.  So i’ll have to write fast.

i wish i could do like ‘Nilla and write my posts ahead of time, but i’ve only managed to do that once.   Maybe twice.  Out of four hundred and something posts.  Getting ahead of the game just doesn’t seem to be my style.

So this is a real life, practically vanilla post.  i went to the Fourth Sunday munch last night.  Just two months after my not-quite-bordering-on-whiny post about not being comfortable there, and i really am comfortable, and glad to see a bunch of people, and started ~and sustained ~conversations like a big girl.  Yay me!

Cool things going on ~ i am {once again} talking to someone on collarme.  Which ~ i’m always talking to people from collarme, but often they’re people who are friends rather than um, prospects.  Or candidates.  Or whatever you want to call it.  

Not wanting to jinx myself, i’ll just say i am exchanging messages with someone who seems solid.  He’s actually local too, how cool is that?  However, just say under your breath, “Very cool,” and let it go ~ no premature celebrations, ok?  

i have not heard anything else from the guy i was talking about a while back who just suddenly disappeared.  And that’s ok.  i may send him a message someday and just say hi, or not.

Two weeks til COPE.  Two weeks.  i’m pretty excited.  This time last year, i was going with Sir D, and had never been to an event before.  i can’t believe how much my life has changed in a year.

O – this was cool ~ there’s a Dom i know ~ who i actually went out with years ago when i met him on a vanilla dating site, when i was just beginning to explore kink.  I re-met him on Collarme a while back, and we had coffee one morning.  We’re still not a match, but he’s a nice guy.  

So he messages me this weekend and wants to know if i know this particular sub.  He was supposed to meet her and was wondering what she was like.

And ~ I do know her, and could tell him that she’s terrific.  Which i thought was pretty cool.  There’s something about the idea of community that always delights me.

In the same way, it tickled me to read on Sbf’s blog about the discussion she started on fetlife, and then go to fet and comment on it.  Like a “behind-the-scenes’ thrill.  

It makes me think of Sfp, and how much i enjoyed her visit here.  How much i’m looking forward to ‘Nilla’s visit.   i’m hoping that Mick and Molly, and maybe Donna and Bill, will come hang out with us too.  

And it reminds me how immeasurably much blogging and the blogging community has enriched my life.  And that just makes me smile.

Ok, i’ve babbled long enough.  That’s pretty much a view of my ~ well, my everyday life.  Not quite vanilla, not quite kink.   Lots of fun.

Discipline (XI)

28 Aug

Alone, waiting for The Major, and the 64 lashes with the switch, i fret and worry.   My ass raised and exposed, pussy on display, it is clear that i’m open to whatever He brings.

What if i can’t take it?  What if I just can’t stand it?  Would He really make me leave?  

What if He injures me, leaves me too hurt to function?  Leaves scars.  Maybe i should leave.  This is kind of crazy anyhow. What am i thinking?

But i don’t want to leave.  i want to see what happens next.

But what if i can’t take it?

And i go on like that for what seems like a long time, going round and round in my head.  Finally, i hear footsteps ~ His footsteps.

My heart had been racing, now i can barely breathe.  i can feel Him behind me.

He runs His hands over my ass, down the outside of my thighs, up the inner thigh.  Spreads my cheeks further, making me blush as He examines me there.  

Touches me between my legs, opening the outer lips, exposing my clit, which He does not touch.  Of course.  He does dip a finger into me, apparently to check if i’m wet, which i am.  Dripping wet.

i would have rocked back on His finger, my hips wanted to, but, “Don’t.  Move.” He says, and i freeze.  

His hands travel over my back, pressing down the small of my back, which raises my ass a little further.  

Around to my breasts, pinching the nipples.  Of course.  Hard enough that i whimper, and He says, “Sh.”  

He pushes my head down further, so my forehead rests on the floor.  Places my hands, my arms, so i am a little more stretched out.

i am reminded of the Fair, times i’ve watched them showing the goats.  i’ve watched the owners poke and prod their animals into the presentation they want.  

i know how they must feel.

Then i hear the switch ~ whooshing through the air.  Whistling through the air?  Searching for the right word to describe it, i think, “you’ll quit worrying about that in a minute here,” and i tense, waiting for it to land on my ass.

Instead, He begins to trace my body with it, following the path His hands had taken.  

As He caresses my ass, between my ass cheeks, i notice it feels damp.  He comments on this, explaining that it has been soaking in water since i picked it that afternoon.   

“That makes it less likely to get brittle and break before we’re finished,” He says.  “And of course being wet makes it hurt more.”

i’m stunned because, really, did it need to hurt MORE?

i want to say something, want to protest, but i am can no more talk than i could fly right now.  i can only wait, receptive and still.

When He has traced my body with the switch, touched my nipples, my belly, each part of me, He says,

“I want you to raise your head.   Don’t move the rest of your body.  Just your head.”

Slowly, being careful not to disturb my position, i raise my head.  

“You are to kiss my hand,” He says, “The hand that’s going to punish you.”

i am amazed, and frightened, to discover that i’m glad to.  i caress His palm with my lips, and He moves it away.

“Now the switch,” He says.  He holds it to my lips, and lets me caress it as well.  As He removes it, His hand fists in my hair, and He presses my head back to the ground.

“Good,” He says.  Then,

“I told you it was lucky that you rolled doubles, right?  You know, usually rolling doubles means you roll again and add that to your original number.”

i think i make a noise, a tiny noise.

He goes on, “But in this case, by my rules today, rolling doubles means ‘double or nothing.’   You’ll still be punished, your original eight, but maybe not times eight.  What’s your preference, slut?”

i open my mouth to say eight only, not times eight, not 64, just eight ~~

and i’m appalled to hear myself say, 

“Whatever You want, Sir.”

i could have bit my tongue off, what the hell is wrong with me, what am i thinking???  No, i don’t want 64, no, no, no.

But ~ “O, good girl,” He says.  He strokes my hair, and a shiver runs through me, my pussy clenches.

His voice is gentle, “Eight,” He says.  “We’re not about extreme pain tonight, this is just teaching.  Wanting you to learn your place, to begin to learn obedience.  I can teach you that with eight.”

His voice seems far away, but the relief spreads through my body.  i can trust Him.  He won’t damage me.

He places a hand between my shoulder blades, and i hear the whistling sound and ~~~

i scream as a terrible stinging, burning ~~ O ~~ it lands on my ass and ~~ O, it feels like a thousand whips all concentrated in that one line of pain. O.

“One,” He says.  “You are to count ~ that’s one.”  i am completely distracted, but somehow, i manage to say it, 

“One,” and then i remember to add, “Thank you, Sir.”

He is tracing paths on my ass and back with the tip of the switch, moves it around and caresses my pussy with it.  i moan, and would press myself against it, but,

“Hold still, slut,” He says, and before i even process that, 

“Whoosh!” It lands again, this time on the back of my thighs.

i cry out, and my head pops up, i can’t help it.  His hand on the back of my head presses it back down, but i’m worried, i don’t know if i can keep it down.

Then – quickly, “Two,” i say, “Two, thank You, Sir.”

“Just in time,” He says.  “Lucky for you.  Can’t have that head coming up though.  But don’t worry, if it happens again, I’ll make sure it stays in position.”

This frightens me, and makes me grateful at the same time.  As the third one lands, i manage to keep my head down ~ but my hands fly up behind me.


He laughs.  “No, no hands either, slut.”

“Three!” i cry out, “Three ,thank you Sir.  And i’m sorry.  i don’t mean to move.’

“No,” He says, “I know that.  That’s ok, I don’t mind helping you.”  

Deftly, He attaches my collar to a ring in the floor, repeats the process with my wrist cuffs.  Now i am secure, there won’t be any unwanted flailing around.

“I think that should do it,” He says, “But let’s try a lick just for practice.  You don’t have to count, don’t count this one.”

“OMIGOD!”  The switch lands, i cry out, and that is all i can do.  My head and my hands stay in place.

“Good,” He says.  “I won’t gag you tonight, I want to hear your screams, but try not to make too much fuss, make an effort to accept the punishment quietly.  Except for counting, of course.  Do you know what number we’re on now?”

Panicked, i can’t think, i don’t know, i don’t know ~ three or four?  which is it?

“Do you know?” He asks again, the switch tapping lightly on my leg.

“O, Sir, i’m ~ i’m not sure ~ four, i think?  Or three?”

“Four,” He says, “Four is next,” and the switch taps harder on my thigh as He counts, “One, two, three, four.  Are you ready?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Ask me for it.”

Omigod, i can’t believe He’s doing this, omigod, but i force the words out, “Please, Sir, may i have another?  Please.”

The switch lands again, right on the spot where my ass and thighs converge, and i scream.  Ah ~ oh, that hurts so bad.  If my hands were free, i’d rub it, rub some of the sting away, omigod ~

“FOUR!  Thank you, Sir.”  i remember.

“Ask for the next one,” He says.  “And next time, ask without being told.”

Discipline (Part X)

27 Aug

“Yes, Sir,” i say, “i’m ready,” but i hear my voice tremble, and the bottom just dropped out of my stomach.

“Good girl,” He says, and then ~ when i’m not expecting it ~ He smacks my ass, but not too hard, and it sends a wave of lust through me.  My pussy clenches.

He nods to Diana and Selena, “Take her to the study, please, I’ll see our guests out.”

i’m so grateful i could cry, i had been afraid they would stay to watch me be punished, and i can’t help smiling with relief.  Then ~

~ “Well, wait,” He says.  “Let’s have her roll the dice now, that way you can go ahead and put her in position, and she’ll know what to expect.”

My heart is pounding; i watch Him open a velvet pouch.  He pours the dice into His hand and gives them to me ~ two of them.

That had not occurred to me.

7 x 8 is 56.  10 x 8 is 80.  And i can’t even think what 8 x 12 is right now, although i knew it earlier.  8 x 11 is 88.

96.  12 x 8 is 96.  i can’t ~ i couldn’t take 96 hits with the switch, i just couldn’t. 96?  i’d die.

He hands me the dice.

They feel hard, i can feel the indentations, the sharp corners.  Selena is beside me, she’s holding a box, lined in felt, and somehow i know, without being told, that this is to roll the dice in.  She sets it down on the table.

“Go ahead,” He says, nodding to me with an encouraging smile.

The other girl is watching me closely, the other man is too.  i take the few steps toward the table, look at the dice in my hand ~ my hand poised above the box ~~

~~”Now,” He says ~~

and i let them go.  

Hear them bounce off the sides of the box, watch them wobble in the bottom of the box, as if in slow motion ~     

                  ~~ settling at last into a four ~ and another four.


i rolled an eight.  What is that?  Omigod.  64.  That’s 64.  Better than 96, but it’s 64.  i picture myself counting ~ no, really, i can’t do 64.

He smiles, “Nice job.  8 times 8 is?”

And i already know, “64, Sir,” i say and my voice is trembling, and maybe whiny, and scared for sure.

He kisses me, a deep kiss that leaves me breathless.  Nips my lower lip with His teeth.  

“Don’t worry,” He says, “You can do it, I’ll help you.  You rolled doubles too, didn’t you?  That’s always lucky. Now, go with Selena and Diana and let them get you ready.”

The women lead me away.

They take me back to the room with the raised platform, where we had been before.  They show me how to kneel on the platform with my ass raised high, my head low.  

They slide a ~ some kind of pillow, but it’s very firm and large ~ under my belly to keep me in position.   They spread my legs, and attach the ankle cuffs to rings in the floor.

Securely fastened that way, they leave my arms free, but show me how to place them.

When i’m arranged to their satisfaction, they caution me not to move.  “He’ll check your position when He comes, I know you don’t want to add to your punishment,” says Selena.

And they are gone.  i’m alone in this room,  ass to the door, all open and exposed to anyone who might walk in.  Waiting for The Major to come use the switch on me.

64 times.

And yet ~ i don’t want to leave.  In my heart, i just want this to be over so i can please Him again.


i hate to leave our girl here, but i got to go, i’m going to the Fair today.  YAY!  A whole day of delight.

This time last year, i had an assignment to get a yardstick at the Fair, for Sir D.  You can read about it here, if you like.  Those were some fun times…

So tomorrow, hopefully, we’ll get through this punishment thing so she and The Major can move on to what they really need to do.

And even through the pleasures of the day, i’ll be holding my friends in the Northeast in my heart, hoping you and yours ride out Hurricane Irene safely.

Discipline IX

26 Aug

After dinner, The Major and the other man linger over coffee and brandy.  As if from a great distance, i hear them talking.  Then The Major stands up.  “Let’s take the sluts for a walk,” He says, and the other man readily agrees.  

“Here,” He says to me,  “The corset  comes off to walk, i want you to be able to breathe.  Diana, will you take her to the bathroom please, she probably needs to go anyhow.”   

He’s right, of course, and it’s a relief to be in the bathroom.  Diana unhooks the leash, which He had left in place, pulled up between my legs. Once i’ve emptied my bladder, she unlaces the corset and helps me take it off.

It has left marks on me, indentations from pressing on my skin.  i hate to see it removed, and feel so much more exposed and naked now.

They let the other girl visit the bathroom too, and then give me some socks and tennis shoes – my own tennis shoes that had been in my car.  It seems odd to see them here, they look out of place.  i’m appalled at the idea of wearing them while i’m naked, certain this is not going to be a good look for me, but no one asks my opinion.

When we’re ready, the other girl and i both wearing tennis shoes, cuffs, collars, and leashes, The Major takes my leash.  i move into position beside and slightly behind him.  

“Heel,” He says ~~

~~ and a wave of humiliation and lust runs through me as i follow.

We head out the front door, and then around to the back of the house briskly.  Down a path through the woods, to a clearing.  The air is just slightly cool on my skin.  It feels odd to be naked outside, but not unpleasant. The house seems to be isolated enough that no one is likely to wander into us.

The clearing is large; and i gasp at the riot of colors.  Bushes and flowers bloom.  Red and purple, vibrant green…  i notice there are benches, even a picnic table.    

 A tire swing hangs from a tree, and i spot other swing-like chairs hanging in different parts of the garden.  It is just beginning to be dusk, and little lights are coming on at the ends of the garden.

It’s a large area, and it takes me a minute to realize there is a walking track in the middle of it all.  He heads directly to the track.

He sets a comfortable pace as we start, and i have little trouble matching my pace to His.   He leaves some slack in the leash, and i’m able to maintain my position pretty well.

We circle the track twice and then stop.  “Let’s take them off leash,” says The Major, “I want my slut to do at least 4 more laps before we call it a night, but I’m ready for a break.”

“Good idea,” says the other man.   “You know, we could leash them together, that would be pretty, wouldn’t it?”

“It would,” says The Major, looking from me to her.  They do it then, clip the two leashes together, so the chain swings between us.  

The rush of lust, mingled with humiliation, is familiar now.  i lower my eyes.  

The Major laughs.  “Very pretty,” He says.  “Start walking.  Wait, let’s see, it took us about 5 minutes to do the loop, let’s see if you can cut that down a little, say between 4 and 4 and a half minutes.”

He glances at His watch.  “Go.”

We start off, and i’d like to talk with her, but i can’t think of anything to say.  i mean, what do you say to a naked stranger when you’re both wearing collars, attached to each other by a chain leash, and under some pressure to move quickly?

So we walk.

As we circle around, i see The Major and the other man settled on a bench.  As we come back by them, He stands, checks His watch.  

“Good,” He says, “Right at four and a half, see if you can get it down to four this time.”

So we move faster, and i’m noticing my body, not even thinking of things to say to her.  It’s odd to feel the air on my skin, on my breasts and my ass particularly.  We walk.

Of course, he wants us to up the pace for the third trip around, and i’m getting tired as we finish that third circle, coming in at 3 minutes and 45 seconds.

“A little slower this time,” He says, as we start the fourth lap.  “We’re doing a cool down this time.”

This time, as we get to the far side of the track, i say, “i wish i could think of something to say to you.”   But she just shakes her head, ‘no,’ in response.

So we finish as we had begun, in silence. 

As we finish, The Major greets us, unhooks the leash so she can go to the other man. He runs a hand over my back and breasts.  “A little sweaty,” He says.  “Good.”

He has me open my legs so He can slide His finger in my pussy, “And a little wet,” He says.  “Also good.”

We head back to the house.  Diana and Selena come out just as we approach it, they are carrying towels.  

“O, good,” says The Major, “You read my mind.  Hose them down, please, they’re a little sweaty.”

i’m afraid they are actually going to use a hose on us, so it’s a relief to see there a huge outdoor shower stall.  It has four shower heads, although of course we only need two, and Diana and Selena make short work of washing, drying and putting lotion on us.

i realize suddenly that i’m tired.  Hard to believe that i’ve only been here a day.  It feels like a lifetime.

Fresh and clean, cuffs and collars reattached, we’re led back to the house.

The Major and the other man are in the living room, sitting room, whatever it is.  The Major stands when i come in, moves toward me.  

“My slut,” He says, smiling.  He grasps my hair, tilts my head back, and kisses me.  i am reeling from the kiss when He pulls back.

“Finish greeting me,” He prompts.  Flustered, i hesitate ~

~ and then He holds out His hand, and i remember.  Respectfully, i kiss the palm of His hand, knowing that this hand will punish me soon.

With even more respect, i kneel in front of Him.  He allows me to kiss His cock, and i let my lips linger for a second, before He pulls it back away.

He nods, “Good.”  Smiles, “Now i greet you.”  He pinches my nipples, twisting pulling til i whimper.

A hand between my legs probes, dipping inside me and back out.  i moan.

“Turn around,” He says, “And bend over .  Offer your ass.  Yes, like that, not too far over, just put your hands on your knees.  There.  Yes.”

i expect a swat, but He rubs my ass instead, stroking it.  “I’ll leave marks tonight,”  He says, “when I punish you.  It’s about time to roll the dice.  Are you ready?”

Discipline (Part VIII)

25 Aug

i start over – the torturous times tables ~”Eight times one is eight, eight times two is sixteen…” and this time He lets me get all the way through it.  i’m grateful for that.

The other girl comes back, and we are both sent to the kitchen to help.  He makes me take my shoes off first, the pretty purple CFM shoes that laced up my legs, and i’m grateful for that too.

The leash is still attached to my collar and He loops it up between my legs, and around my waist.   He attaches the clip to hold it in place.

With the corset on, the chain doesn’t actually touch my skin ~ except between my legs.  When i walk, i feel it, cold and hard, rubbing against the soft flesh.  Of course, the metal links are soon warmed up by the hot wetness between my legs, hotter for the constant contact with the leash.

To my dismay, there’s another man in the kitchen, this one wearing a white jacket and the trademark plaid chef’s pants.  He turns from the sink, looks me up and down.

i want to cover myself, but i don’t.  

“Naked sluts!”  He says with a grin.  “God, I love that about cooking here.”  I laugh, his charm is irresistible.  “I suppose He sent you to fetch and carry, not to take care of any needs I might have?”

He pauses, and i freeze, deer in the headlights, but he just laughs, “Here, girl, take this salad and carry it out there.  Please.”  As I turn, carefully holding a large crystal bowl, he says, “It’s just a treat to work here sometimes.  Look at that ass.”  

i blush and smile, and make my way back to the dining room.  

It’s an odd feeling, serving naked, the chain rubbing against my pussy as i walk.  At the first few steps i’d taken, it had worked its way into the crevice between my butt cheeks and nestled there.

i go back to the kitchen, and this time the chef hesitates before handing me a platter.  “Better pinch those nipples, girl,” he says, “Or you’ll be in trouble, won’t you?”  

i want the floor to open up and swallow me ~ i don’t even know why.  

“Unless you want me to do it for you?”  and he wiggles his eyebrows engagingly.

i laugh then, i can’t help it.  He is so matter-of-fact about it, rather as if he’d suggested i take the pepper grinder out with me.

“No, i guess – i guess i better do it myself,” i say, and i do, i reach up and pinch each nipple until they’re hard and standing out.  

It only takes a few seconds, but my pussy throbs, clenches in response.  i wiggle, rubbing against the chain more intentionally now, and the chef laughs.  

“O, pretty!” he says.  “Nice job.  Now here,” handing me the platter, “Take that out.”

When we’ve finished, Diana and Selena, the Major, and the other man begin passing the food around, serving themselves.

The other girl and i are locked back into place on the floor first.  

Instead of unfastening the leash, The Major leaves it around me and uses another length of chain to hook me to the ring in the floor.  The chain is comfortably warm now, and i position myself carefully so it’s not uncomfortable between my legs.  No matter how i move, it presses on me, rubs against the inner lips, stimulating my clit.

He feeds me by hand again.  Salad.  More vegetables, and some fruit.  A sip or two of wine, but mostly water to drink.  He strokes my face, rubbing His thumb across my lips, penetrating my mouth for a moment, or grasps my nipple, pinching gently, as often as He gives me another bite.

i’m lost in the sensations, all of them.  Food and wine and touch, i am completely taken.  

Discipline (Part VII)

24 Aug

i am getting used to so many things so quickly – Diana and Selena taking me to the bathroom and cleaning me up no longer seems very strange.  Of course i’m not allowed to touch myself, why would i be?

Smiling now, a post-orgasmic glow surrounds me.  i think that all kinds of things could happen and it wouldn’t faze me.

We finish in the bathroom, and they lead me to the dining room.  Selena holds the leash, Diana guides me with the tip of the crop, directing me to walk the correct distance behind Selena.  We move slowly, and occasionally she give me feedback on my posture and movements, encouraging me to move gracefully.

“He’s displaying you, you know,” she says, “So how you look and act reflects on Him.”  

“And on us,” says Selena, over her shoulder.   “If you look poorly trained, that makes it look like we don’t know what we’re doing.”

i want to protest ~ i’ve only been here one day, how well-trained could i be?  But i just nod.

As if she’d read my mind, Diana goes on, “Of course, you’re not well-trained yet, we’ve barely begun.  But you will be.”

She runs the crop down the back of my legs as she says this, and a shiver goes through me that shakes me.  i think my knees might buckle, but i manage to keep my balance.

She laughs.

We don’t go back to the sitting room, they lead me to the dining room.  The Major and the other man are already seated as we come in.  They stand as we come in, but this is only so The Major can take my leash, while the other man hands his girl’s leash to Diana and Selena, who lead her out the way we had come.  

The Major seats me, on the floor next to His chair.  There is a piece of plastic covering a small square, and He has me sit directly on that.  With the corset on, i sit very straight, and it’s a little uncomfortable.  i quickly discover that i’m actually more comfortable kneeling.

“Knees ok?” He asks.

“Yes,Sir,” i say, “A little sore, but not bad.”

He stands again, get a pillow from a pile in a corner, and places it on the floor in my place.  “Stand and stretch first,” He says.

i do, which feels good, even with the corset constricting my movement, it feels good to stretch my legs.

“Are your feet ok?” He asks.

“Yes, Sir,” i say, although they are uncomfortable.  Wearing heels for a long time always bothers me some now, but i’m used to it.  i don’t mind.

“Not hurting?” He insists.

“No, Sir,” i say, “Not really.”

“Not really?”

“Well, not much,” i say.

His eyebrows go up, “So the correct answer would have been ‘yes, Sir, my feet hurt, but not much.”

i grin.  “Yes, Sir, i guess that would have been more correct.”

“Down,” He says, and when i’m settled onto the pillow on the floor, he attaches my leash to a ring set in the floor.  Like i’m a dog, i think, but the idea doesn’t bother me.

He reaches in His pocket and pulls out a token, then another.  Dismayed, i feel Him attach them to the chain collar around my neck.  His hands brush my neck, and even that contact makes me shiver.

My pussy clenches.

“Complete honesty,” He says.  “If you tell me something doesn’t hurt and it does, you put yourself at risk.  You put me at risk.  i don’t want to damage you.  Is that clear, slut?”

“Yes, Sir,” i say, hanging my head.

“Look at me, slut of mine,” He says, tilting my head back with a hand under my chin.  “For this week, you’re my property.  i take care of what’s mine.”

“Yes, sir,” i say, my pussy throbbing, juices running down my thighs.  Again.

“Good girl,” He says.

i have forgotten the other man is there until He says, Those are the tokens we were talking about?  You track any punishment she’s earned that way?”  

“Yes,” says The Major.  “She’ll wear them around her neck until the punishment is administered.  I’ve found that keeps her aware of her shortcomings, helps inspire her to do her best.”

i want to protest that i don’t need the reminder, that i would do my best regardless, but in my place on the floor, i am clearly not part of the conversation.  i remain silent.

“Does each token stand for a certain number of licks?” 

This idea startles me ~ a certain number?  No, surely not.  i have 6 tokens, surely that’s six strokes with the switch.

But ~ “Yes,” says The Major.  “Sometimes i let her help choose how many it stands for.  So i might have her roll the dice and multiply it by the number that comes up.”

“BUT – noooo,” the words are out of my mouth before i can stop them, and The Major looks at me, surprised.  No more surprised than i am though.  i would take the words back but it’s way too late, and He is laughing.

“You didn’t realize that?” He says kindly.

i shake my head, “No, Sir.”  And am dismayed as His hand reaches into His pocket and comes out with 2 more tokens.

“Yelling out ‘no’ is not acceptable, slut, but i suspect you already know that.”

“Yes, Sir,” i say, and i feel myself blushing with embarrassment.

“That’s ok,” He says.  “This will help you remember.” 

The metal circles attached to my collar lay cool against my skin, and i think, yes, for sure i’ll remember.

“That’s eight.” He says.  “So it could be eight, it could be sixteen.  Do you know your eight times tables?”

“Yes, Sir,” i say, reluctantly.

“Maybe you could say them for us,” He says, smiling.  “Eight times one is… what?”

“Eight, Sir,”

“No, say the whole thing.  i want to hear you recite them. But wait, pinch your nipples first.  Look, you’ve let them get all soft.  That’s no good.  Pinch them, yes, like that, pinch them and pull them hard.

“Good girl.  Look how much prettier they are, standing out like that.”

i feel that tug -the direct line from nipples to pussy is pulled, and my pussy responds instantly.  i whimper, the pain and pleasure mix making me long for His touch.

“Now,” He says.  “Let’s hear your 8 times tables. Start over, eight times one is…”

Why is this hard to do?  i force the words out, “Eight, Sir.  Eight times one is eight.”

“That’s how many tokens you have, right?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Ok, keep going.”

“Eight times two is sixteen.”

“Just pause to think about that for a second.  So it could be 16 strokes with the switch.  Or eight with the switch and eight with the crop  Now, go on.”

“Eight times three is twenty-four.  Eight times four is ~ is ~” but i’m thinking about twenty-four, how many that would be, could i take twenty-four?  

The Major laughs.  “Start over, please,” He says.  “Eight times one is…”

Discipline (Part VI)

23 Aug

“Stop,” He says.  “Here, give me that.”  He holds out His hand.  i give him the vibrator, slowly pull the dildo out of me.  It’s sticky and glistening, having been marinating in my juices for a while now.

Almost immediately, the numbness begins to leave me, except for my poor throbbing nipples, which are suddenly 10 times worse.  i cringe when He reaches for them, and he stops just long enough to say, “Don’t draw back from me,” before He releases them.

It does hurt, hurts dreadfully as the blood rushes back into them.  i watch them turn from white to red.  i want to touch them, rub them, but i don’t.  

And then there’s the rush of shame, because He wanted me to cum, and i didn’t.  

“Come here,” He says, and pulls me to Him.  Still on my knees, between His legs, He lets me snuggle my upper body into His lap.  Head on his thigh, arms up around his waist.

He strokes my hair, touches my back.  “Hey ~ hey,” He says, as a sob shakes me.  “Are you crying?  What is this ~ what are the tears about?”  

“i ~ i let you down,” i manage to gasp.  

i’m shocked when He laughs.  i lift my head to look at Him.

“Because you didn’t cum?” He says.  “All this is because i told you to cum and you didn’t?”

i nod.

He shakes His head.  Pulls me closer to Him, sliding a hand down the front of my body, cupping my throbbing hot pussy.  

A finger slides inside me.  Another, stretching me.

Quickly, without another word, His fingers probe deeper, seeking ~ finding ~ that spot.  The heel of His hand presses against my clit.

 Quickly, as His fingers move rhythmically inside me, the feeling starts to build.  i’m pumping back now, fucking His fingers, moaning as i feel it building, taking me higher ~ and higher~

omigod, it feels so fucking good, i can’t take it deep enough, o, ~ o ~ yes ~

~~ there ~ right there ~




as He takes me over the top, and a shiver runs through me, i cry out and He says

“Yes, slut, yes, cum for me now,”

and trembling, shaking, and moaning, i cum, tumbling back down….  rubbing against Him, thrusting my hips forward, impaling myself deeper.  Laughing with pleasure.

 i think it’s over, just when i think He’s going to pull His fingers back, and i’m wishing He wouldn’t ~ just then, He starts again.  

Watching my face.  Watching as He takes me up, up again, i’m surprised, i didn’t know He could do this, take me here again, and it’s actually easier this time ~

~ rubbing and pressing against Him, against His hand, Omigod ~

   ~~ Omigod ~~

Up again ~ up, up ~~~~~

                ~~~~~~~ and over, omigod, yes, over and omigod back down again.  And we are both laughing now, laughing with pleasure.

“Don’t ever worry about not cumming,” He says.  “Making you cum is not going to be a problem,” and even as He says it, He’s starting again, His fingers moving again, and ~

“Do you want another?” He says.

“Omigod, yes,” i gasp, rubbing against Him like a cat in heat.   i’m so wet i’m squishy, i’d be embarrassed if it didn’t feel so incredibly good.

“Hold still,” He says.  “No pushing.”

“O ~ O God,” i say.  “Ok, ok, holding still ~~”

and again His fingers work their magic, pushing me to a peak of pleasure that radiates through my body, waves of sensation through my arms, my legs, making me moan ~ O, o, o~~~~~~~


and i cum again, omigod, Yes ~

and this time it drains me, literally, puddles of liquid come gushing out of me, and He laughs, and i would be embarrassed, but i’m too drained to care

and i collapse in a heap at His feet, draped over His legs, head on His lap.

He strokes my hair.

“Better?” He says.

“Omigod.  Omigod.  i can’t talk.  Sorry.  Can’t move.  No muscles left.  No bones either.  Sheesh.  Feel like a rag doll.”

“You squirted,” He says.  “Good girl.”

“Omigod.  i’ll be your good girl every day of the week,” i say, and He bursts out laughing.

“I guess you would!” He says.  Then, “Come on, you need to find your muscles and bones, go wash up a little.  It’s time for dinner.”

And quite suddenly, i remember that we’re not alone.  

The other man, the other girl are still there, quite close by.  i can’t believe i forgot they were there.  i think i should be embarrassed, but don’t have the energy to care.

“Come on,” He prods me, “Up, go – off to the bathroom please, get ready for dinner.”

i stand, shaky on my feet, and “Diana, Selena,” He says, “Would one of you go with her, please?  We have a lot to do yet tonight.”


22 Aug

No, i swear i haven’t forgotten The Major and His slut.

However ~~

My car is having issues – got to get it to the shop by 7:30 this morning, and have absolutely promised myself a full 30 minute exercise regime every morning, which i’ve been neglecting lately.  i’ve improved my eating habits a lot, but am not where i want to be with that either.

So i don’t have time to do The Major right now – He takes a long time, it’s like i have to channel Him.  Don’t laugh – i swear He has a life of His own.

And, i need to talk about this anyhow.

Saturday, i had this wonderful conversation with New Dom  ~ which is NOT what i’m going to call him, or just for the moment anyhow.   At least, i really enjoyed it.  He and i share some vanilla interests, and it was pretty much a vanilla conversation, and i really like the way he thinks.

Then i don’t hear from him yesterday.  At all.  

Which, since we’ve gone from lots of contact to none, it makes me think he’s changed his mind and isn’t interested anymore.  Or ~~

maybe he just needs to back off for a minute.  Or ~~

maybe he read my blog post yesterday and thinks i’m too mentally/emotionally involved with MoR to be a good sub possibility?

So with those possibilities in front of me, then what do i do?  Well, of course i back off too.

i did email him, just a quick “hi,” in case he thought i wasn’t interested. 

And now i wait.

Damn it.  i hate this, hate this, hate this.  And yet ~~

i think i am only really drawn to men who are prone to backing off and making me wonder if they’re gone.

Sheesh.  Stupid Daddy issues?  i’m not even gonna think about that today.  Just call me Scarlet.

So i went to the kinky discussion group yesterday.  The topic was guilt and fear, and it was pretty interesting.  There were a lot of switches there, which was pretty cool also.  If i weren’t so submissive, i’d be a switch.  {laughing…}

But i had a good time, and maybe learned something, not so much about fear and guilt, but about the community and the people in it.   One of the more interesting parts was listening to people talk about how and when they really knew they were a sub or a dom or a switch.

i told my story about Mike Moore and the realization that i am submissive, and that was kind of fun.  Just talking about him brings back such good memories ~ the not-so-good ones have faded long ago. If he were still alive, the temptation to run by his house for some affection and a few orgasms would be just about overwhelming.  

And whether or not i ever hear from New Dom again (i’m going to call him CT for now, which he would understand) i have a lot to look forward to.  

Only two and a half weeks til COPE.  37 days til ‘Nilla’s visit.  And later in October, i’m going to Kinky Kollege in Chicago.  How cool is that?

And really, i don’t have to have a Dom to be happy, right?