New Year’s Eve ~ O, My

Sir and i are going to a New Year’s Eve Party, but it’s an early party, over by 9.  It’ll be fun.  {Yeah, it’s for old folks.}   

Anyhow.  i wasn’t real surprised when Sir told me He’d made the bed, and only a bit curious when He said to go see how He’d made it.  But i shouldn’t have been surprised to see this:

Yep, from left to right, belt,spoon, wooden thing from the junkyard that i like, paddle {still in need of more sanding,} cane, new spreader bar with ankle cuffs attached, wrist cuffs, collar, and rope.  

Here’s a closer look at the new spreader bar:

Does my Sir know how to welcome in a New Year or what?

i’m thinking youall won’t be surprised if i’m not posting early in the morning!  🙂

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

What i Want

Last year, i was seeking.  This year, i’m building… developing what i have:

•  my relationship with Sir.
•  my career.
• my practice of spirituality

Look out 2013 ~ here i come.

But not wanting to be like Icarus and fly too close to the sun, i’ll remember where i came from and where i return:

It’s Coming

New Years, that is.  The time for looking back and looking forward and trying to sum it all up.

This is the second anniversary of the week when i decided to stop medical intervention for my mother.  i guess i’ll mention that every year forever.  In some ways, that was more difficult than when she actually died about five months later.  Certainly, it was a lonelier time.

This has been a watershed year for me ~ so many changes.

I left a job and started a new career path.  Sir and i became committed to each other.  He moved in.  i became a grandmother.  My daughter and her family moved to Very-Far-Away.  i went to visit them.  

But looking back at my resolutions from last year ~  i only kept one of them.  Well, and i sort of half-ass kept another one.    

i guess that’s better than none, right?

The rest can be recycled straight into this year.

Sigh.

But so can this quote i used last year:

Wherever you are is always the right place. There is never a need to fix anything, to hitch up the bootstraps of the soul and start at some higher place. Start right where you are.   

~~ Julia Cameron

Ok, enough of this. 

Sir is feeling better ~ thanks for all the get well wishes ~ and  i’m going to go buy some Vitamin D today, so thanks for that too.  i’ll respond to comments soon ~ HOW did i get behind again?

And Naomi is waiting…

A Conspiracy

Ok, maybe it wasn’t an actual conspiracy, but a number of factors conspired to keep me from posting at my usual time this morning.

Sir is not feeling well, i had to take a shower before my volunteer gig, practically every single thing i tried to accomplish yesterday involved wrestling with an on-line program and a phone call to “support” services halfway through, half of my friends seem to be in the midst of emotionally painful growth opportunities, i’ve eaten so much over the holidays that i can no longer blame a theoretical thyroid problem for not losing weight, and we had just enough snow this morning to be annoying.

So no Naomi was dancing in my head, beatings are on hold, no glimpses of a loving D/s relationship to share {unless you count the hot toddy i insisted on making for Sir, which He drank about half of before saying He couldn’t possibly finish it.}

It is suddenly seriously winter here in Where-i-Live, and i’m quite sure i have SAD {seasonal affective disorder} and should probably go buy some light boxes.  Instead, i tend to think of it as a natural mood shift based on a natural dislike for nasty, cold, gray, grim, yukky weather and once again this year i’ve resolved to try not to actively hate it.  It’s part of the ebb and flow of life.  

Right?

Sigh.  Sometimes, it is just too much.

But then there is Eeyore to cheer me up.

“It’s snowing still,” said Eeyore gloomily.

“So it is.”

“And freezing.”

“Is it?”

“Yes,” said Eeyore. “However,” he said, brightening up a little, “we haven’t had an earthquake lately.”

 

If that doesn’t make you laugh – try this one:

“Good morning, Pooh Bear,” said Eeyore gloomily. “If it is a good morning,” he said. “Which I doubt,” said he.

“Why, what’s the matter?”

“Nothing, Pooh Bear, nothing. We can’t all, and some of us don’t. That’s all there is to it.”

“Can’t all what?” said Pooh, rubbing his nose.

“Gaiety. Song-and-dance. Here we go round the mulberry bush.”

i do love Eeyore.  And hope you’re enjoying your day!!  🙂

2 ~ Naomi Learns

After meditation, Naomi has a few minutes to get ready for the day.  She is allowed to wear a robe now, but it is never closed, and is slit in the back so that she isn’t really covered.  Often throughout the day, Anna will say, “Pinch your nipples, please,” and she and Wendy and Sara will obediently pinch their own nipples until they are hard and erect.

This, and other measures, serve to keep her constantly aware of her openness, and of her sexuality.  Her nipples tingle, thinking of the attention.  It is an odd feeling ~ not being allowed to touch herself when she wants to, and being made to do it at times not of her choosing.

Naomi washes her face, brushes her teeth, and uses the bidet, careful not to touch herself more than necessary.

The routine is familiar now.  There will be more meditation with the group, punishment for any infractions from the evening before, and exercise class.  

Breakfast, showers, and the butt plug inserted.  Each day, a slightly larger one, forcing her open and easily accessible.   She has begun to wish someone would take her, would use that hole so carefully prepared.  But that’s not up to her, she knows this.

Then ~ orgasm training.

Orgasm training.  She smiles.  There’s something to look forward to.  They’ve been working on teaching her to cum on command, and her skills are getting better.  She’s not so good at holding back, and she’s been whipped more than once for cumming without permission.

Whipped, and nipple clamps applied, pain that tortures her body and makes her long for more.  She pretends sometimes that Sir Daniel can see her being tormented like this, that He is there watching her suffer.  That would be perfect.

And tonight ~ o, tonight, He will be there.  She is half-lost, dreaming of that when the bell chimes again.

*************************

There’s a taste of Naomi, let’s see if i can move the story forward without a minute by minute play.  Although – the heat is in the details, right?

In the meantime, i have tons of wonderful comments that i’ve read, smiled over, and replied to in my head ~ still sitting there unanswered. Time to take care of that.

Stumbled across this quote today ~ i love this perspective:

“You have the need and the right to spend part of your life caring for your soul. It is not easy. You have to resist the demands of the work-oriented, often defensive, element in your psyche that measures life only in terms of output — how much you produce — not in terms of the quality of your life experiences. To be a soulful person means to go against all the pervasive, prove-yourself values of our culture and instead treasure what is unique and internal and valuable in yourself and your own personal evolution.”
~~ Jean Shinoda Bolen

Post-Xmas

i spent a lazy day yesterday, relaxing and unwinding from the frenzied pre-Xmas week.  i enjoy that week a lot, and never plan far enough ahead to keep it from being a bit frenzied, and am perfectly ok with that too.  As a recovering perfectionist, i know that the more time i have to do something, the more i will expand what there is to do, and how well it needs to be done.

We had a lovely Christmas, and our families who were able to come over did too, at least they seemed to.  Presents were well-received, food was eaten, laughter and good times were had by all.  

So yesterday, when my one obligation gets cancelled and i realize that i can avoid going out into the nasty weather and spend the day tucked in at home, i jump at the opportunity.   i have approximately 13 new projects to start, or new pieces of things to add onto old ones, and my house needs the last touches of tidying, and i need to answer blog comments, and i need to polish the silver before i put it away, and ~ and ~ and i don’t do any of those things.

i write two blog posts ~ Naomi and a vanilla one.

i take a nap and have an orgasm ~ um, not in that order.

My sister comes by and we hang out for a while.

i piddle around on the computer.  Think about doing things.

And when Sir comes home, i feel guilty.  He has been at work all day.  He hasn’t had the luxury of staying home and doing nothing.  There is so much i could have done, and i haven’t done any of it.

i say as much to Him, apologetically.  Tell Him i feel bad about it.  

He looks surprised.  “Lots of people are off work today,” He says.

“Yeah, i know,” and i feel better for a second, “But ~ i could have done a lot of stuff around here,” i add, feeling bad again.

He looks around, shrugs.  “We’ve been running since last Friday.”  He reminds me of all the things we’ve done.  “You needed some time,” He says.  “I don’t want you to feel guilty about taking some time today.”

So i’m working on that.  Not feeling guilty.

And i was thinking about it when i read Monkey’s post today.  You can read it here.  

{Forgive me, Monkey, if i’ve gotten this wrong.}

She’s talking about rules, and her feeling that she didn’t have any, but then she recognizes that she does, they are just not being presented the way she thought they would be.  She says:

This is the way it goes in my imagination, in much that I read,and in many other relationships  (including my relationship with Big Bad) revolving around D/s…

Dom/Domme holds out the (behavior/idea/incipient rule/shiny thing), and says/infers “Do this”.  The will is being pushed toward the sub, who accepts it.

David offers me the (behavior/idea/incipient rule/shiny thing), puts it within my reach, and then leaves it up to me to draw it in.

Subtle but distinct differences. That’s the best illustration I can draw.

Just because something was not presented formally, doesn’t make it any less of a rule…

So when Sir says, “I don’t want you to feel guilty about…” whatever ~ that’s a very different order than “You will kneel when I enter the room.”  In fact, it would be easy for me to completely miss the significance of His words.  i could think He just means He’s not mad at me, or disappointed in me {which is also true.}  

It’s up to me to remember that when Sir says, “I want” or “I don’t want,” He IS telling me what to do.  It’s up to me to hear that.

And maybe “rule” isn’t the right word ~ it’s an order, a command.  If i go back and tell Him,  “You know, you said you didn’t want me to feel guilty about *whatever,* but i still do,” He’ll be surprised and not pleased.   He’ll actually make me talk about it til i figure out why i can’t do what He told me to do, til i figure out how to do it.

It would be easier to have a rule that says i have to do “x” chores every day than it is to let go of feeling guilty about my lazy day.  It’s much harder to recognize that the voice in my head beating me up about it is not His voice, it’s mine, and i need to help myself silence that voice.  

It helps to remember i need to do it because He says so.

Naomi Learns ~ I

Naomi stretches, feeling her muscles tighten and relax.  She is awake before the bell rings, and enjoying the sensation of her body.  

The sheets are silky against her skin.  Her ass and upper thighs sting, but not unpleasantly.  After five days here, her muscles are more toned than they’ve ever been, and she smiles as she notices the flex in her calves when she points her toes.

The bell chimes, the signal to awaken, and there is a “click” as the lock attaching her wrist cuffs to the chain on the bed is released.  She doesn’t move, not taking advantage of this freedom.  She had made that mistake the first day, and remembered the punishment that followed.  

She doesn’t know if they’re watching her now, she never knows.  The room is designed with two way mirrors and video cameras so she can always be viewed.  Infractions of rules are always punished, sometimes immediately, sometimes later.

Anna’s voice over the intercom is familiar now.  “Namaste.”  

“Namaste,” Naomi replies.  This is the only word she will say without explicit permission.  She is better at remembering that too.  

“The day begins,” says Anna.

Naomi releases her wrists, and gets up now.   Moving quickly.  She has a few minutes to use the bathroom.

Then, the intercom again, “Now, begin your meditation in first position,” says Anna.  

 Naomi  kneels beside the bed.  The first five minute meditation of the morning is for thankfulness.  She is not very good at this yet.  It’s difficult to be relaxed and open, to let her gratitude flow through her mind, and her heart, without judgment, to let her thoughts come and go like clouds in the sky.

When the time is up, the bell rings again.  Anna says, “You may begin preparing your tea.”

Naomi rises.  She is very aware of her body as she goes to the counter.  Her nipples are hard, and there are a couple of welts on her ass that have her attention.

By the counter, there is a pass-through in the wall, she opens it and takes the thermos of hot water that has been placed there earlier.  Her tea cup and the tea are already in place, and it’s a simple matter to pour the water into the pot.  

Then she opens her journal.   She has about five minute to write her thoughts on the meditation, and a goal for the day.  

She writes slowly, in script, forming the letters thoughtfully.   Today, the words come easily.  “Learning humility, grace, and service.  The patience of the Masters.  Anna’s kind harshness.”

That’s enough.  Now her goal ~ that’s easy.  She writes, “My goal is to be pleasing to Sir Daniel tonight.”

She smiles.  He is coming back tonight, Wendy had told her when they put her to bed last night.  The thought of His pleasure makes her smile, and her pussy clenches.  She is hot ~ and wet ~ but she is always hot and wet these days.

And needy.

Anna’s voice breaks into her thoughts.  “Your tea should be ready,” she says.  “You may enjoy your tea now.”

Naomi does.  It’s a blend she likes today, something fruity.  A couple of days ago, there had been one she didn’t care for, and she had not finished even the first cup.  That had been a mistake she wouldn’t make again, so she is particularly glad that today’s tea is delicious.  

Sir Daniel is coming tonight ~ the words dance in her head.  She can’t wait to see Him.    She hopes that He’ll use her pussy, which has not been taken by any of the Masters, nor has her asshole, although they’ve stretched her wider every day.  

They have worked on her mouth, on teaching her to please with her mouth.  

She no longer knows what day it had started, maybe her second day here?   They had blindfolded her, Wendy and Sara had, so she was not sure how many of the Masters there were, although she thought there were four.  

The rules were clear.  She had ten minutes to bring the Master to an orgasm.  If she failed, she got ten licks with the crop.  

Of course, she failed.  Repeatedly.  She smiles, remembering how she had started out thinking that she needed to hurry, that if she sucked real fast and hard, that would work.  Of course it didn’t.  

She lost track of the times she tried,  and the number of licks with the crop.  That first time, it seemed like it had taken her forever to get any of them to cum.  

The second time, she knew she wasn’t going to succeed right away.  Resigned to that, she focused on the cock.  Becoming aware of each one, noticing what movement of her mouth or tongue it reacted to.  That time, it had not taken as long, although the crop had gotten plenty of use.

Anna’s voice brings Naomi back to the present.  “For the second meditation, you will assume fifth position.”  Obediently, Naomi kneels, bending forward so her head and upper chest are pressed to the floor, ass raised high.

“Be sure you are open,” says Anna, “Use your hands to spread your ass cheeks wide, then you may relax your arms.”

Naomi does as directed.  This no longer seems strange or uncomfortable, it’s the same thing she will do later as they insert a butt plug.  It’s the same thing she’ll do if she is called to the Masters room in the evening and told to offer herself.

The instructions for this meditation are familiar too.  “This meditation is on openness.  Offering yourself and serving with your cunt and your asshole..”

The First {Kinky} Gift of Xmas

Sir had to work yesterday, and i was still baking cookies and wrapping stuff all day.  After He got home, He went out to the garage to finish wrapping my presents {so i wouldn’t peek.  Which i wouldn’t have anyhow.  Probably.}

One in particular was intriguing.  It was about a foot long and a couple of inches wide.  Wrapped in pretty, shiny purple paper, and tied with silver ribbon crisscrossing around it.  i had no idea what it could be.

 Finally, we’re resting a bit in front of the tree, thinking about bed, and He says that one is kinky, and i should go ahead and open it.  O, yay!!

So i do.

Wrapped tightly, it takes me a couple of minutes to get the purple paper off, and then the suspense continues because it’s wrapped in paper bags.

But ~ finally ~ unveiled ~  here it is ~ {drum roll, please…}

Yes, it’s a belt.  A leather belt.   Two inches wide.  

It smells – o, so lovely.  

And it is not to wear.  Nope.  i asked.

Look at it close up.

Isn’t it pretty?

i’m feeling it, and inhaling the scent, and  i say i’m surprised it’s beige.  He says that’s because it’s raw leather, and we can dye it any color we want.

Sounds like another DIY project to me.  More challenges for a non-DIY girl – i mean, really  i pay someone to do my hair, my nails, and clean my house… all this sanding and dyeing hands-on stuff is a challenge.  

JM, the amazing analyst, would nod if i told him that, and say that Sir’s a wise man, that He understands the importance of being connected to the things in our life, that modern society is too alienated from doing, too removed from touch… and so on .  Hmpf.  

{Giggling..}

Philosophy aside, i haven’t felt the lash of the belt yet, although He tapped it on my hand, and it makes a nice sting.  i’m sure my ass will get to know it soon…  Knowing it’s in my future is a lovely start to the holiday festivities.

Today,  family and Sir’s grandkids, presents to open, food to eat, and phone calls to Very-Far-Away will fill the day.  Hope your day is full of good things ~ whether you’re celebrating Christmas or not!

Whew

i had forgotten how much more work fun it is to have a bunch of people at Christmas.  And it really is both ~ more work and more fun.  We’ll be ten or twelve of us for dinner tomorrow, at my house, and probably a few more for dessert.   i’m ready to enjoy it all ~ the prep and the feast.

i’m missing my daughter and granddaughter in Very-Far-Away, but that’s ok.

Since i still have lots of stuff to do, i may not be around much today or tomorrow.  So i leave you with this thought:

“The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will blossom like flowers” 
― Thich Nhat Hanh

Those Moments

We are going over the Christmas lists one more time when His phone rings.  It’s His friend, Danny, so He’s standing in the kitchen talking.  and i’m moving around, putting stuff away, moving things around.  

i pass by Him ~ close enough to touch ~ and He does.  He reaches out and puts His hand on my shoulder, lightly.  Almost absently, as if He’s not really thinking about it.

i could easily keep moving, He’s not holding me, and the momentum of my steps almost carries me forward, but ~

i stop.  In mid-step, i stop.

He leaves His hand on my shoulder for a few moments, time enough for me to breathe.   To let go of the urge to keep going.

My body grows still under His hand.  

His hand moves to my neck, caressing the skin with one thumb.  He is still talking on the phone.  i hold very still.

He touches my hair lightly, and His hand moves down my back, down further and then around me, turning me slightly so His arm is around my back, and His hand is on the side of breast.

He cups my breast, still lightly.  

i no longer notice His words, and He’s not talking to me anyhow.  

His hand inches up, up ~ and touches my nipple lightly.  Brushes it with His thumb, sending shivers from the nipple to my pussy.

My pussy clenches, and i hold back a whimper, He’s still on the phone.  

He pinches, pulls a bit ~ idly, the way people doodle on a notepad, absent-mindedly.  

i bite my lip, move a bit closer to Him.

And He pats my nipple, dismissively.  Removes His arm, and pats my ass, as if to send me on my way.

Released, i move forward again.

 **********************************

This one did happen, and it was one lovely moment in a busy, happy day.  Hope youall are having as much fun as i am!