Memories…

Yesterday, fiona was asking questions about the KBC {Kinky Bloggers’ Convention} and wanted me to remember what it was like back when this was all new to me  ~ like August, 2010.  Not exactly ancient history, but it sure seems like a long time ago

i recorded it all here in lurid detail and four-part harmony.   Of course, that experience was actually defined by Sir D, who was a very experienced Dominant.  

It was also a transformative experience for me, that particular night, that particular series of events.  And now i have to think about what i want to say here.

You know, we all carry stuff ~ baggage ~ old tapes ~ whatever you want to call it ~ from childhood.  It doesn’t have to be “abuse,” but there’s always stuff, just because we’re human, and so are our parents.  

The events at that first play party were transformative for me.  They allowed me to shed some of the baggage i carried.  Partly through the experience, partly through writing about it, and then with great clarity in a therapy  session with JM, the amazing analyst.

i shed some of that old stuff like a snake sheds its skin.   Shame, slipping off my shoulders…  it was pretty amazing.

The process of BDSM, done well, is soul work, i think.  When not done well, maybe not so much, but who knows?

Tori at Pains Pleasure writes about a recent situation in Britain that demonstrates one of the things that can happen when people don’t know what they’re doing.  Lack of communication, lack of awareness, lack of sensitivity ~ those things can cause so much damage.

But then who knows?  Maybe this is just part of their path ~ probably not a path that continues together, but we learn and grow and move on.

It makes me grateful though that {other than my brief second marriage} i have been with Dominants who were experienced, careful, and caring.  

Which makes me think of the comment Buford left on my post about the “Submissive Controversy.”  i thought it was powerful and cut through the controversy to the heart of the matter, and since he just left it yesterday, and you may have missed it, i’ll quote it here:

I never saw this as a cut and dried/black and white issue – it is about cooperation and the titles we give are just handles to refer to roles in a play – submissive – Dominant – or my personal preference Master and Slave. Submissives are not the only people to go into headspace during play – good Dominants do too – its what makes what we do real for both of us – or at least real enough that we both get our needs met. Submissives are simply people who get their joy in one way while Dominants get theirs in another way – and the wonder of it all is that we found each other in such a perfect fit. One without the other is nothing; yet, together, we can do everything. At our best together, we create events of such great beauty that years after that event, one looks at the other and says….”remember the time we …..”

What separates good Dominants from true sadists is that Dominants do not go the serial torture killer route gouging out eyes, severing limbs and killing people – Dominants among us are just thrilled to be able to take the one we love to the edge – and then bring him/her back not just safely but with considerably more happiness and pleasure than we started the project with. Another good title for a loving dominant would be “care giver” – its just more cumbersome to use and is not in line with the evil people we like to envision ourselves to be.

KBC is Coming

That’s right ~ the Kinky Bloggers’ Convention is almost here.  Time to lock in those travel arrangements.  You can register for the convention here.

Here’s the plan.  Ideally, you ~ and perhaps your significant other ~ will get here Friday evening some time, check into the hotel, and join us at a lovely restaurant for the munch.  Clothing for the munch is street attire.  We have a private room in a  family restaurant.  So you can dress up or down as much as you like, but what we call “the granny rule” applies ~ don’t wear anything that you wouldn’t want your grandmother to see you in.

i’m planning to ask for a special table for bloggers at the Friday munch, so we can begin to get to know each other and feel comfortable in real life (IRL)    After the munch, we’ll also have a Meet-n-Greet of our own, so that people who arrive too late for the munch can join us, and so we can continue getting comfortable together.

i don’t think there are going to be hundreds of us, so by Friday evening, we’ll be cozy chatting like we do in the comments section.  But if we have folks coming in Saturday morning, then we might arrange for a coffee get together in the morning to give them a chance to feel welcome.

Do you sense a theme here?  The whole point of this is for us to connect and build community, starting with just being comfortable with each other.   That creates a safe environment for new experiences.

Then on Saturday we’ll have classes.  Because Bluegrass Leather Pride is the main event, and we are a track within that event, you’ll have the option of going to the main classes or to the blogger-specific classes.  The blogger classes will be open to other folks too.

i’m looking at two classes ~ did i already tell you this?  One of them will be about blogging as an art, or at least a craft.  The other will be about Blogging as a Tool for Healing.   But there will be four time slots for classes, and a wide variety of options, as you can see on the event website.

Then there’s the Saturday munch and Leather contests ~ which should probably be a blog post all by itself ~ and then a play party ~ woohoo!!

 Yes.  Really.  A play party, in a dungeon.  {Ok, not really a dungeon, but that’s what we call it.}

And you can go if you want to, and you’ll be with people you know, and you can play if you want to, or just watch, or you don’t have to go.  Your call.  No pressure.

On Sunday, there’s a final brunch, where we’ll bid each other tearful farewells amid promises to do it all again next year.

Time is flying by.  Over the next month, i’ll go to Very-Far-Away to see my daughter and the most adorable grand baby on the face of the earth.  When i come back, it will just about be time for KBC ~ Kinky Bloggers Convention.  So i need to work fast now.

Talk to me ~ if you have questions, ask them.  Let me know if you’re coming.   Let me know if there are things you want to do.   Mention it on your blog, in case people who read you but not me are interested in coming.

Thud

Did you hear that?  

Last night ~ that thud?  

Yeah.

It was me, dropping from the high i’d been on since the weekend.  Landing with a solid thud.

No, i’m ok.  No real damage.  Just a dent in my bubble of happy.

i was sitting here last night, feeling all cranky and out of sorts, wondering what the hell was wrong with me, when i realized ~ of course!  Two-three days after an event ~~

sub-drop.

It wasn’t quite a crash this time.  Just a thud.  Landed on my butt, i think.  No damage done.

For a minute, i was annoyed with my Sir.  i told Him this would happen!  i asked Him not to be out of touch today!

But He wasn’t actually “out of touch” ~ He just wasn’t very communicative.   Maybe He’s having a touch of Dom-drop.  They say it happens.

In any case, i managed to acknowledge my feelings.  Yes, i’m a little blue.

No, it’s not so much fun being at home as it was being at a kink event with Sir.  All that adrenaline high, all the extra dopamine and serotonin floating around in my system is pretty much gone.

i’m back to my regular, mundane life, surrounded mostly by Muggles.

And that’s ok.  

It helps that i will see Sir tonight.  Helps that i’m in a relationship that i feel secure about.  Helps that He wasn’t completely out of touch yesterday.

In the words of my favorite reggae artist, i can tell myself ~ “Don’t worry ’bout a thing.  ‘Cause every little thing, gonna be alright…”

(Yes, i had to include it here…}

But it has not always been this easy for me, and may not always be this smooth.  In fact, i may think i’m sliding through this sub-drop now and discover at some point that i’m really not.  

But it ties in nicely with the theme of aftercare and responsibility for our own emotions, doesn’t it?  

i can never decide if i love it or hate it when i’m talking about something, and then it happens ~ when i get to live it instead of talking theory.  Anyhow ~~

SherynB has written a couple of pieces on aftercare.  One of them, she did about three years ago ~  “The Cult of Aftercare.”  If you’re on fetlife, you can find it here:

It was apparently misinterpreted by lots of people, because she wrote a follow-up called “Aftercare??  Seriously??” which is over here:

They’re both excellent.  And you know i’ve got more to say about them, and will be saying it in the next few days.  

i really appreciate the comments i got yesterday.  i want to respond thoughtfully, and  i’m trying to move at my own pace today.   Trying to be gentle with myself.  So be patient with me, please.

Sir is coming to my house tonight, i have straightening up to do and need to get to work early and all that usual stuff.

So i’ll leave you with this quote from SherynB:

“If you are going to ask somebody to play with your pain, your fears, your phobias, your self-esteem, your core emotional identity…you need to have done some work of your own, and be prepared to do more.”

Food for thought, isn’t it?

Dinner on Saturday

Conversation at dinner:

Me, to the man a little bit older than me, sitting next to me:  So, are you having fun?

Him: No.

Me: {after a long pause} Well. Well, I’m not trying to be nosy or anything, really, just making conversation, but how come you’re not having fun?

Him: I thought this was a gay men’s event.  I didn’t expect all this.

Me: {pause} O. Well. i guess i can see how that would be disappointing.

Me {later} But there are some gay men here.

Him: {looking at me with dismay} Not – not ones I’m interested in.

{i look around the room, nodding, ok, there are plenty of gay men there, just not his type?}

Him: Well, I have learned one thing.

Me: {hopefully} What’s that?

Him: I never even knew this world existed. I learned that.

Me:  Omigod. So you’re not into kink?  No wonder you’re disappointed ~ you wanted vanilla gay men?

Him:  {apparently rethinking that} No, I’m ok with kink, I {looks around} just not ~ no.  {Shakes his head}

Me:  {a little amused by his dour rejection of lifestyle gay men}  Hmmm.  Well.  i guess i can see why you were disappointed.  i guess i’d be disappointed if i thought i was going to a kink event and it turned out to be a gay men’s event.

And suddenly i can picture that all too clearly, and i am appalled!!  Walking into the room and discovering 90% gay men doing whatever they do at their events!  Talk about learning empathy!

i know, that’s not the kind of story you were looking for today, but i should confess right now that i didn’t go to the play party last night.  Sorry.  

i was going to go, but you know, i’ve seen play parties before.  i saw people playing yesterday afternoon.  

i didn’t want to play with anybody.

i mean, i know a bunch of people here to talk to.  And i could go watch them play, and sort of drift into some kind of semi-sub-space myself ~ but there’s that moment at the end, when she’s being held or when she’s sitting on the floor leaning against him and he’s stroking her hair…

Yesterday, there was a couple i’d been talking to.  He was a nice, mild-mannered seeming guy from a small town in another state; she was his slave.  We had a pleasant chat.

Later, i saw them at the tapas.  They were at the single-tail demo, and it looked like he was giving her input on how long to continue the experience, if you know what i mean.  But when they were done ~

~ he had her express her gratitude to the man who’d been whipping her by kneeling on the floor and kissing his foot.

Yeah.  The other man’s foot.

And ~ i don’t know how to explain this ~ but it was hot. 

Very hot.

Then she got up and she and her Master went to a separate area and she sat on the floor and He hugged her close to him…

It was so intimate.

It made me long for my own Sir to be here more than i can tell you.

i’m not really a “pick-up play” kind of sub, not today anyhow.  For sure there’s nothing wrong with it, but without some intimacy after, i’m just not that into it.

So i’m ok with not having gone last night, and looking forward to a second day of classes!

Yesterday, i learned, among many other things, that if you tie someone up for under 120 minutes, you don’t actually have to worry about whether or not a limb is getting numb or turning purple.  The only real predictor of a problematic outcome is if it hurts the person, in that “bad pain ~ make it stop now!” kind of way.

Who knew?

Tapas – Things i’ve Never Seen Before

The “tapas” at Kinky Kollege were stations set up around the dungeon ~ 14 of them ~ with different kinds of play that people could try.

Sir and i texted back and forth for a while about whether or not i had permission to try anything.  i wasn’t pushing hard for permission, and He didn’t say no.   He ended up telling me to be careful, think before i leaped, and that He trusted my judgement.

There were some things i’d never seen before ~ a vacuum bed.  The person lies down in it ~ naked, or panties only.  It’s like a ~ well, it’s a lot like the body bags that SirTop and slavebonnie had at COPE, except it’s latex.  It has a hole for a tube that goes in the person’s mouth so they can breathe.

Once the person is settled in, lying on the floor, zipped into the bag, breathing steadily, they suck all the air out of the bag.  It’s on the person like a second skin.  Then about three people caress them.

The people who did it seemed to like it a lot.  They said being caressed through the bag was really sensual.

Then i saw needle play.  Master Z, who’s an expert, was pushing needles through one woman’s back ~ you know, they do it like you’d do if you were pinning a hem.  Like this:

 

Later, he was doing it above a woman’s breast.  i was going to show you a picture of what it was like, but all the images were too extreme.  He just did about four needles, in a straight row, and she looked very sub-spacy and pleased.

i saw some flogging, some rope bondage, single tail whips, fire play and violet wands, but wasn’t tempted  by any of that.  In fact, i was feeling kind of off-in-subspace just walking around watching and decided that since i’m by myself, that’s probably quite enough thrill.

But i’ve talked to a bunch of people, been to three classes, bought four books, and tried on a corset.  The corset was half price, but it didn’t fit right.  😦

Time to change clothes for dinner…

Here and Now

So here i am now, in this fabulously fancy hotel ~ it even has a little moveable desk for my laptop that and an adjustable chair.  Very cool.

There’s a lamp that’s so cool, i still haven’t figured out how to turn it on.

Sadly ~ internet access is not free.  No, really, it’s not.  i was stunned.  It’s ~ get this ~ it’s ten dollars/day for basic internet ~ basic.  If you want YouTube or Skype, it’s fifteen.  Dollars.  For 24 hours.

Yikes.

So my plan is to get one day’s worth, today, and try to post today’s entry and tomorrow’s in that 24 hours.  i’m leaving Monday ~ shoot, i’ll find a Starbucks with wi-fi and post from there.

Yes, i could use my i-phone, but it’s just not ideal, and i’m apparently fairly spoiled these days.

i got here so late last night ~ well, late for me ~ after an 8 hour workshop ~ that i got checked-in and registered and didn’t even go to the play party last night.  i crawled into bed about midnight ~ so caffeined-up, i couldn’t sleep.

But eventually i did manage to relax all the muscles that had wound themselves into knots on the drive here.  Honestly, by the time i got here last night, i was kind of pitiful.  Tired and scared and lonely.

Not sure why i’d thought it was a good idea to come in the first place.

But i texted with Sir for a little bit, and felt much better about life, and being here.

They had goody bags at registration, which included condoms and lube ~ always handy, i suppose, one clothespin {yes, one ~ i guess my nipples would have to take turns} and two cute little paint-stick style paddles.   

Ok, it's not a great picture... i'd barely had half a cup of tea when i took it...

Yes, it says, “Spank Someone Happy.”

Breakfast is at 8, classes start at 9.

Today, i’m taking:

First:  {i think}  Rough Rope, Bondage, Erotic Torture and Predicament, All in One, with Jay Wiseman

or maybe Cell Popping Body Art with The Artistic Domme

Second:  SM 101 with Molly Devon

Then there’s lunch, followed by BDSM Tapas – 14 Sensation Stations, where you can experience giving or receiving a long list of possibilities ~ from Single Tail to Fire Play.

Then ~ and i’m really excited about this ~ Sensual Humiliation with Dan and dawn, who i know.  They’re the ones who do the sacred touch thing at COPE.

There’s a Little’s contest after that, which i’m not dreadfully interested in, at least i don’t think i am, and a roast of Master Z after that.  He runs this event, and this is the last one he’s doing, so i’m glad i’m here.

So, i need to stop now and exercise.  i’m going to be faithful to that this weekend.  Plus, i need to compose an email for Sir.

More later…

C.O.P.E.

Central Ohio Perversion Excursion.  C.O.P.E.

I’m sitting in the gathering room of the event, just me and my handy laptop.  It’s been a trip already…

Highlights so far:  the kinky meet and greet – where we play a game.  They put an index card with a kinky word – a toy, a role, a type of play, or a term – on your back.  You have to approach people and ask them questions until you figure out what your word is.  That was fun.

Once you guess your word, you can go back and get another one.  Whoever gets the most, wins ~ this year the prize was a huge bottle of lube.  Um, sensual lube, enough to use 4 times a day for a year, according to the game leader.

Drew, Ms. Constance’s slave, was determined to win, and plugged away diligently at getting his words.  In the end, he lost by a nose to another determined player.

After that, i had to go to a meeting {yes, i can go to a kinky event and have to attend a meeting.. don’t laugh.}  But i’d volunteered to help out, and they assigned me a position as back-up play station monitor on Saturday night.

Which doesn’t mean anything unless someone doesn’t show for their shift tonight.  But i had to go to the meeting just in case, so that was kind of cool.

Then it was time for dinner.  i’d spent some time with Ms. Constance and her entourage, Drew, and another submissive.  But we got separated for the meeting, and there wasn’t much time before the keynote speech, so i went ahead to the little cafe in the hotel.

There weren’t very many people there, and i still felt a little awkward being by myself.  But two of the people i met at the meet and greet were there ~ Sir Top and slave bonnie.  They graciously invited me to join them at their table ~

~which i gratefully did.  And that was a treat.  

They’re presenting today – in the morning, on “A slave heart,” which i’m definitely going to, and in the afternoon on “Fear ~ from 0 to 60,” which i think i’m going to.    

So i really enjoyed the opportunity to just talk with them about mundane things.  And was appreciative of the invitation to join them.

Immediately after that, we rushed to the opening ceremony, which was fun, but the next real  highlight was the keynote speaker – Raven Kaldera.  He’s a pagan spiritual guru, and i don’t have to try to tell you what he said ~ here’s a link to his keynote address.  

http://www.ravenkaldera.org/activism/keynote-speech-for-cope-2011.html

The peak of the evening, of course, was the Scarlet Sanctuary, and i’ll have to tell write about that later, because it’s too intense and wonderful to try to rush through.  If you just want to know what it is:

http://www.adventuresinsexuality.org/COPE2011_presenter_dan_dawn.html

Isn’t the internet wonderful?

******************************************

Back to Thursday night and Sir X.  

He takes my clothes, except my panties, attaches cuffs to my wrists and ankles, fastens a leather collar around my neck. 

He uses an over-the-door device with a ring, raising my arms over my head to attach me to the ring.  i am facing Him, my back to the door.

He attaches my ankles to a spreader bar.

He opens His knife, and, while i avert my eyes, He cuts my panties off.

Now i’m spread open, attached to the ring, wearing only the nipple nooses.  And walks away.

i’m not anxious, although it does occur to me that someone might think it odd, that i’m comfortable being naked and completely helpless with a man i only met recently.  i feel myself setting into submission.

i can’t see what He’s carrying when He comes back.  And whatever it is, He sets it down, and takes His time exploring me.

Then He turns me, my face to the door, my back to Him.  Um, more importantly, my ass to Him.

He begins to spank me.

i can’t do it justice, this spanking.   He has a rhythm, and a style, that are all His own.  

Sin’s comment ~ “think he knows what he’s doing?” flashes through my mind.  All the comments about His expertise ~ and i think ‘O, they were so right…” and a minute later, “O, they have no idea…’

His hand, warming me, turning me red.  A flogger, soft and sensual, a stingy whip-like thing that raises welts, His belt… one follows the other, and each one hurts in its own way.  

i’m lost in the sensation, fully taken with it.  Floating content, i only want more.

This man is just right for me, y’all.  No point in being coy, He just is.  Not just the spanking, you know, i’m not really that shallow.

All the vanilla things He is, and the way He is with me… it is so just right.  This is my Dom.

And there’s more to tell, always more, but i have to go shower.  We’re doing yoga at 9 ~ that should be fun.  Classes start at ten.  

P.S.  Thanks for all the reminders yesterday that you’re there for me no matter what…  i love youall, and the community we create.

So Much to Say…

Some of the comments on yesterday’s post made me think about the drama triangle.  Are you all familiar with the drama triangle?  It may be the most powerful therapy tool i have, and someday, i’m going to write about it on here.  

But first I want to “play catch up” on the situation with Bob.  i’m delighted to say that we’re in complete agreement – we’re friends, and will continue to be friends, with the occasional play date to add a little spice to life.   Neither one of us wants to have an intense relationship with the other – in fact ~~

~~you may not believe this ~~

but he thinks i might be too high-maintenance a sub for his taste.   

i know ~ laughing ~ i thought, “Me????   High maintenance???”  

And then i had to laugh, cause you know, i might be.  

Although, i don’t really want to be kidnapped and controlled, well, i don’t think i do…  But i am an attention slut, this is not news.

Well, plus, as a bonus, he’s going to continue “harassing” me via text message from time to time when i’m at work.  Sheesh….  i was in a meeting with 15 people the other day when i get a text message that says, “Panties off please.”  

It cracks me up now, but at the time, i’m thinking, “WTF?  Really?  Does he really think he can just text me at random times and tell me to take my panties off?”  But obviously he can, and {laughing} i would probably miss it now if he didn’t.

{No, i didn’t go take them off during the meeting, just for the record.  And i was wearing pants anyhow.}

In any case, please be kind to Bob in the comments, because he’s a really good guy.  Not that i’m trying to tell you what to put in your comments, because that would be out of line, right?   But i’m really ok with this casual, light relationship with him.

Which takes me back to Ms. Constance’s class on play.  i think people who play publicly have an exhibitionist streak {and clearly, i have to include myself in that category.}   For the Tops there is some degree of showing their skills in what they’re doing.  

Back when i was involved with Sir D, i was just beginning to learn to be ok with him playing publicly with other people when we quit seeing each other.  It was a stretch for me to recognize that he could play with other people and it wasn’t a rejection of me.  

It became more clear Saturday, listening to Ms. Constance  talk about the value of being able to negotiate for play with a Top.  Figuring out what kind of play you want and with whom, and what you want to happen after the scene is over.  

So theoretically ~ and this used to happen to Sir D all the time ~ someone could see him playing at a party and ask him to play wth her.  She wouldn’t want or expect a relationship with him, she’d just want to  be tied up or have him set fires on her body.  If she had a Dom, Sir D could involve him in the scene too.

i didn’t get that back then.  It’s more clear to me now.  In fact, if i saw someone at a party doing shibari the way Sir D did, i might line up to ask him to play with me too.  

Ms. Constance has that happen too, of course.  People approach her and ask her to play with them – from a birthday spanking to more formal kinds of play.

That’s separate  ~ it can be separate ~ from an ongoing relationship.

Maybe youall already realized all this.   But i’m still learning.  i hope that by the time i go to COPE, i’ll be comfortable with the idea of it.  They do armbands there – so i can wear an armband that lets people know that i’d like to bottom in a scene.

But the point of  this kind of play is not sex.   When i try to describe in my head what it is for me, i get lost.  i’ll have to come back to it.

i started writing about the drama triangle earlier this morning, and was going to include that in this post, but ended up losing the draft that contained it.  Don’t really have the time ~ or the heart ~ to redo it this morning, so it will have to wait for another day.

i haven’t forgotten The Major either.  He’s still lurking in my brain, so expect Him to be back sometime soon too… 

 

 

My Report

i had a good time last night at the swingers party.  i took a nap in the afternoon so i could stay up like the big girls, which was good.  

Several hours ahead of time, Bob texted me a picture of the device he made – he’s not calling it a fucksaw,  He’s calling it a “fucks-all.”  i think that’s right – because the saw was originally called a saws-all.  Or something like that.

Here is the one he made:

Anyhow.  i had fun getting ready.  i wore a short, tight skirt, and a black chemise with a black short sleeved thing over it.  The skirt is some kind of stretchy material, and has a wide waistband.  It hits a couple of inches above my knee, but i  turned the waistband up, like we used to do with our uniform skirts when we were in high school, so it was shorter.

However, once i got there, Bob didn’t seem dreadfully impressed with how short it was, so i rolled it one more turn.

i actually took a picture of myself – well, tried to.  i didn’t set it up right, but here’s the first one i took.

 i wore heels, of course, and felt quite sexy.   So i reset the camera, and started to go pose again.  Got this instead:

Reset and tried again:

Bob was waiting outside for me when i got there, which was sweet, and made me feel comfortable.  Of course, i know the guy that shows you where to park now, and the people at the door, so i ought to feel comfortable!  

Bob was not holding the fucks-all, and not carrying anything that could have held it either.   In fact, i have to admit, beyond the text picture, the fucks-all doesn’t enter the story at all.  Sorry.

The dungeon was strange with almost all the furniture removed – well, bdsm furniture, that is.  There were rows of tables instead, and a big open space in the middle – maybe for the twister game?  The jello tub was over in a corner.

There was a dance floor with swirly lights, and loud music.  Some of the music was good, and at one point, i considered joining some line dancing.  But i didn’t.

Bob and i wander through, checking out all the rooms with mattresses, some women in very cute lingerie, and not much else at first.  

Neither of us had brought wine or beer – or liquor, for that matter – so we drank water, and coffee for me.  No, it doesn’t keep me from sleeping.

We sit at a table, and are joined by another couple who turn out to be very nice.  They live in a rural town about 30 miles away, and go to different swingers clubs over a three state area on the weekends.   We chat, but we don’t go get naked together or switch partners or anything.

There’s a huge screen tv that shows porn throughout the evening.  We’re facing the screen, so i find myself watching whether i want to or not.  It’s all straight sex, with maybe an occasional butt slap.  And it’s ~~

~~ it’s really big.  And lots of close ups.  And honestly?  

Sooooooo not my cup of tea.  Of course, as far as i can tell, no one else is even looking at it, so i try to watch the live people instead.  

People greet each other, make introductions ~ hug, some kiss.  At least while i’m there, actual sex is in the separate rooms – which are separate but not private.  Bob and i wander through again.

In one room, a woman is on her knees {on a pillow} in front of a man who’s laying on his back on the bed, arms stretched out.  They are both fully clothed – well, except, apparently, for one part, um, that would be his cock.  Her head is bobbing like a ~ well, you know, like a movie.

Several men are standing around the edges of the room watching.  Later, something clicks in my head, and i say to Bob, “Were they waiting for a turn?”  

He shrugs.  “Could be.  Sure, they could be.”  

This disturbs me; i don’t know why.  Maybe it was just some puritanical streak i still have.   i don’t know.

But i begin to notice men who aren’t with anyone smiling at me, and am just the teeniest bit uncomfortable.   i realize that they think ~

~ o, dear, they think i might want to fuck them.  Or suck their cocks. 

Yikes.

Bob is great company, interesting and thoughtful, so that’s nice.  i would never have stayed as long as i did without him there.  We wander through the upstairs space several times.

One time we pass by a pile of naked bodies.  All tangled together, arms and legs protruding.   i want to look, and i totally want to not look.    We pass on by.  

i’m really not making any judgements here ~ everyone seems to be having a great time.  A man by himself joins us at one point, and he’s very nice.  We chat for a while, and he tells us stories of other swingers clubs he’s been to.  

So i have a good time.  i don’t see anyone i want to get intimate with, but i don’t really know anyone.  And by 11:00, i’m ready to go home.  No jello wrestling, no naked twister, and i’m ok with that.

i’m glad i went.  It was fun and interesting.  And i probably won’t go back.  i missed the whips and ropes, the Domly Doms and submissive subs.  Clearly, BDSM is my kink.  

‘ll go to the munch the first Friday of June, for sure.

So that’s my report on my night at the swingers’ party.

Respectfully submitted,

aisha 

Party Night

The party is tonight.  The swingers’ party.  The swingers’ party with naked twister and jello wrestling.  

Donna has suggested i participate in the jello wrestling – actually, she said:

“If you decide to go to the jello wrestling match, please throw someone to the bottom of the jello pit for me, please! *humming…watch them wiggle, see that jiggle…”

i told her i didn’t think i was badass enough to do that, and got this response:

“You know, I don’t think you have to be badass to be good in the jello pit. Probably being sure footed and having good toe grip strength is more important. Add a few Issues that are causing angst, and you’ll have them slip sliding away in no time. I have seen some of your boots and shoes and I think you might be a terror in the jello department. You seem a bit petite for the Twister championship, but your jello technique may be something new to add to your Collar Me profile.”

laughing…  i think the chances of me actually doing that are slim to none, but as Sin advised me a couple of days ago, i’m keeping an open mind.

i actually already know what i’m wearing tonight, at least i think i do, so youall don’t have to listen to me ruminate about that.  

i have other things to ponder for the evening.  Bob, the friend i’m going to this little event with, sent me this message on fetlife yesterday:

“Well, I finished my reciprocating dildo.
Now I need someone to do beta testing. Any suggestions? <evil grin>”

i responded quickly:

“O, my.

You’re sure there’s no saw inside it? {grins}”

and got this answer:

“I used a saw blade, but I filed the teeth off it and it’s imbedded in the middle of the dildo…I don’t know any other device that would attach to the saw…..but there’s a nice eight-inch gel dildo just waiting for you……I mean for a test subject.”

What’s a girl to do?  After all, i wouldn’t want to stand in the way of research, right?  Here’s a picture of one that’s been converted.    

This one was labeled a fucksaw.

Anyhow, i’m not making any promises about testing it tonight at the party, cause that would depend on a lot of things.  But, like Sin said, i’m trying to keep an open mind.  {smiling}