Doing the Happy Dance…

Last night i felt His dominance in all its lovely power.

From the collar and cuffs ~ o, such a wonderful feeling, as He buckles them ~ to the rope, pulled tightly around me…  from my flogger, which really caresses, to the full slap and sting of His belt… it was all lovely. 

He makes me lie down on my back, with my knees bent, legs open, arms at my side.  Then He ties my wrist cuffs to my ankle cuffs.

Yeah.

Splayed out, unable to move.  No doubt about who’s in control here.

The wooden spoon ~ o, yikes ~ tapping between my legs ~ O ~ O ~ and then my body suddenly relaxes.  All tied up, i had been a little tense, now, my body settles comfortably, opens to Him.

There is more, so much more… a feast of kinky delight.

Nipple clamps ~ did i want the right one tighter, looser, or the same? 

“The same, Sir, please,” i say.

“Like this?” as He puts the right one on.

Me, gasping ~ “O, i think that’s tighter.”

Sir ~ “But you wanted them the same, right?”

“Yes, Sir,”

“Then i guess I’d better tighten up this other one.”

O, yikes!!

Laughing…  after that, when He asks if one clamp is tighter than the other, i say, “Yes, Sir!  They’re the same!  Exactly the same, Sir.”

His hand in my hair… ahhhhh.  i love, love, love that.  Right at the nape of my neck.  The slightest tug sends waves of  pleasure through me.

And kneeling, tucked between His legs, caressing, licking …. feels like coming home.

This morning, aching nipples, rope marks on my torso, my heart is dancing with joy.

Another Day, Another Kink

That’s really a bait and switch title.  It may be  a new year, but i’m still pretty much into the same ole kinks.

Obedience.  Being controlled.

Service.

A little pain… a little humiliation.

Rope.

Some public play ~ coming up soon at Winter Wickedness!!  

i’ve been thinking about “marks,” and how much i want Him to leave marks on me.  i took someone’s advice ~ maybe lil? ~ and asked Him to mark my breast with a hickey, and He has been doing that, which is nice.

Rope leaves marks for a while, which is its own kind of wonderful.

But then i was thinking how much harder/longer He might have to spank me to leave that kind of marks, and i kind of mentally shrugged.

i don’t know if that’s where we’re headed.  i don’t know if that’s where our kink, our D/s aspect, is leading us.  i think maybe not.

New Year’s Eve, He let me massage His body for the first time.   Starting with His back, and working my way over the rest of His body.

i had wanted to do that before, but have not been allowed to.  i don’t know why ~ i don’t need to know why.  He has His own ways and His plans, and my part of this is to follow His plan.  

It was a privilege to be allowed to caress Him the way i’ve longed to.  And it arouses me to think about it now.  His control, of Himself and of me, has tremendous power.

Anais Nin says:

“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.” 

and that resonates deeply with me.

i have the sense that He ~ Sir X ~ and i are going somewhere.  i don’t know where.  

Being allowed to serve Him is a privilege, whether it’s fixing dinner for Him, or giving Him a back rub.  i want to learn new and better ways to please Him, want that with a passion that surprises me.

This dynamic between Sir and me makes me think about Jake’s post on giving and taking.  If Sir allows me to give Him a back massage, and i see that as a privilege, then who is giving and who’s taking?

Laughing… i am still pondering all that.  Sir did respond to my question on His thoughts about it, and i’ll be back to that later.

Today, i’m pondering one of the things i learned at “Nia.”  They talk about being in a state of “RAW.”  

Relaxed

Alert

Waiting.

For sure, that’s where i am these days.  i can feel it in my body.

Linehan talks about it, meditating in a posture of relaxed alertness.  Sitting straight, belly and butt out ~ like the Buddha.  Eyes open, but gazing at a spot a few feet ahead of you.  Sitting straight as if there is a string running from the center of your body through the top of your head to the ceiling.

And i can feel it, the stillness, the waiting.  That is how i want to enter the New Year.

After Starbucks

i’m familiar with this particular Starbucks, i’ve stripped in this bathroom before.  i move quickly.  

Order coffee, hit the bathroom and i’m out of my panties in moments.  Wearing a skirt this time makes it easier than when i was already there in my blue jeans and got the instructions.

The air outside is cool, but not too bad, and my nakedness under the skirt feels right.  i drive quickly, confident i can find His house.

From the driveway, i see the scene is set.

There is the coffee table, the one i was tied to before.  In the center of the table is a sturdy wooden spoon.

My pussy clenches.

O, my.

i ‘m so impressed, i want a picture of it.  It turns out horrible, but here it is:

You can see, we tried to light it without using the flash.  Which didn’t work at all.  

And then i get distracted and don’t care about a picture anyhow.

But you can see what a big, solid spoon that is!  And just the lightest tap leaves marks on my poor butt, as i discover when He bends me over the table, alternates between His hand and the spoon.   

The marks are gone today, but my nipples are still tender from the torture He inflicts on them.  

He’s working on binding my breasts with rope, but when it doesn’t go the way He wants, He stops.  He concentrates on clamping my nipples, pulling and tugging them.

When i moan, comment that it hurts, He raises an eyebrow.  “When i was being nice to this nipple,” He says, looking at the nipple He’s grasped tightly between His thumb and index finger, “You were complaining that this nipple was bored.”  He tugs upward, raising my breast.  “Do you remember that?”

“Yes, Sir…”

“Do you want to go back to that?   i can just leave this nipple alone.”

“No, Sir…” reluctantly i drag the words out.

And He redoubles his effort to squish the nipple completely… while i moan and whimper.

He moves me like a puppet ~ bend here, sit there, open wider…  The Phallus is cold, but not for long.

i am sated before He allows me to please Him.  i am learning the ways that He likes, and enjoy the pleasure He takes in using me ~

til we end cuddled on His couch, His arms around me, my body wrapped around  Him.

Mmm.  So content.

Tied

“Come here,” He says.  “Go ahead.  Sit down right there.”

He gestures to the floor.  He’s spread a towel on the floor, right next to the base of the table.  It’s just a base, huge, heavy wood, with claw feet.  

The slab of wood that would be the “table” isn’t there.  There’s a wooden platform on top of the base, where the table would go, but that’s all.  

My hands are tied already.  It is a routine i know now.  

“Hold your hands out,” He says.  And He means both of them, palms facing each other, about 5 or 6 inches apart.

He used to use leather cuffs, but not anymore.  It is rope now, each wrist wrapped in rope, connected with rope.  He works a metal ring into the rope running between my hands that He uses to attach me.  

My hands are already tied when He gestures to the floor.  My hands are tied and of course i’m naked.  

Looking down, i can see rope wrapped around the base of the table, thick rope ~ like for a ship or something.  

“Go ahead,” He says again.  “Sit.  Get comfortable.”

 It’s not so easy, getting settled on the floor with my hands tied together, but  i do,  a little hesitant, not sure what’s coming next.

He has already put the collar on me.  The one with the rings in the ends that He fastens together with a padlock.  i can feel the padlock heavy on my skin.  Cool at first, then warming with the heat of my body.

He squats beside me.  Begins to tie me, fastening the ring between my hands to the rope around the table.

Pulling the rope close, so my hands are flush against the claw foot at the base.

i shift my body ~ i had been kneeling, but i sit, and He looks surprised.  “I told you to get comfortable,” He says.

“Yes, Sir,” i say.  “i was ~ i am ~ i just…” and it trails off, ’cause it doesn’t really matter.  And He’s not listening, He’s making sure i’m tied securely.

Satisfied at last, He stands.  “There,” He says.  “You could probably get loose if you really wanted to.  Or even move the table.  But i don’t think you’re going anywhere.”

“No, Sir,” i say.  “i don’t think i am either.”

“Good,” He says, smiling.  “I’m going to take a shower.  I’ll be back.”

Alone, naked, collared, tied to the table leg.  

i can hear the water running.  Hear Him moving around.

i feel my spirit settle.   i am comfortable.  i’m not going anywhere.  

i am content.

Diabolical

i sent Him my poem, just a few hours before He came over last night.  

i got His instructions ~ He was coming here, i should have my mat ready, and wear “panties and buttons,” which clearly means a shirt with buttons and nothing else but panties, instructions that are easy to follow.

He said He wanted to fondle me right away.  It seemed His mind was working on the same lines as mine, so i sent Him the poem.

He may have already planned every thing He did last night, or He may have tweaked it after He got the poem.  In either case, here’s a little piece of what happened.

i’m on my mat in front of Him  ~ He’s on the couch.

The collar is first.  When He attaches the padlock, which lays cold on my chest, i feel that first lovely slip into submission.  Thoughts, worries, the rest of the universe begin to disappear.

“Give me your hands,” He says.  He wraps them in rope, a metal ring in the middle, between my hands. He’ll attach me to the door with this ring later, pull my hands  high above my head, while He spanks me.  

Now He plays with me for a little bit, teasing my nipples, stroking my hair, touching wherever He wants.

Then He gathers my hair, pulls it together into a little ponytail, high on my head.  He fastens it with a coated rubber band.  

My hair is bound tightly.

A short piece of rope is next, wrapped securely, knotted into my hair.  A metal ring is fastened into that as well.  i don’t know if i’m to be attached to something or ~

~ if He just plans to use it to direct me.  A slight tug on the rope moves my head back quite sharply, raises my chin immediately.

i whimper, slipping deeper.

He has me put my hands behind my head.  Tied together, i don’t have to remember to keep them up, they’re quite secure.  Not uncomfortable.

And i’m fully exposed.

Nipple clamps are next.  

They have a metal chain between them, and He’s attached a piece of rope to the middle of the chain.  He has me hold the rope in my mouth while He fastens the clamps.

 i think He’ll have me open my mouth and drop the rope, and the chain will pull, and omg, it’s not tennis shoes, but i’m a wimp about nipple clamps, and i think that will hurt enough.

But o, no.

He has much more diabolical plans.

Yes.  Diabolical.

Once He gets the clamps securely fastened, He pushes my head down so my chin is lower, toward my chest.  Then He adjusts the rope in my mouth so it’s taut.

It doesn’t hurt, i can feel it a little bit, and of course i can feel the clamps, but i’m ok. i’m fine.

Head down, hands fastened behind my head, clamps on my nipples, rope in my mouth, and i’m fine.

He goes on to other things.  

A rope harness for my hips, the rope running between my legs, rubbing against my clit.

He checks often to see how wet i am, and i don’t disappoint Him.  He is pleased.

But at some point, my neck starts to get stiff.  i raise my head to stretch it, with the rope between my teeth, attached to the chain, attached to the nipple clamps ~~ and it pulls.  

It pulls my breasts up by the nipples.

OUCH.

He smiles.

i put my head back down pretty quickly, marveling at how diabolical a plan He’s worked here.  Stretch my neck ~ immediate nipple pain.  Avoid the nipple pain ~ aching neck.

But if i thought i could avoid the nipple torture by keeping my head down, no matter how stiff my neck got ~ which really, i couldn’t have anyhow ~ but even if i could have, it wouldn’t have worked because ~

There is the hair bondage, and the rope attached to my hair ~

~ and He tugs it slightly ~

~raising my chin, lifting my eyes to His smiling face.

“Feel that?” He says casually.

“Mmmpft,” is all i can really say with the rope in my mouth.

“Yeah, I imagine that hurts a little bit,” He says.

“Uh ittle it?” i mumble.

“O, more than a little?”  He asks. 

i grunt “‘es ir, ~ uh ot,” meaning “a lot.”

“Does it now?” He says, tugging a couple of more times before He releases my hair.

“mmmhmmm” is about all i can say.  But i’m laughing at the same time, He’s so calm about it, so gentle.

And then He just casually goes on to other things!  

i lose track of when He lets me drop the rope…  was it when He had me pressed to the door, ass out, spanking me?  i know the clamps were still on, can’t remember if the rope was still in my mouth…

i don’t know.

It doesn’t matter.

He did things to me for a long time, interspersing it all with orgasms, pain and pleasure so mixed…

and thinking about it now,

nipples sore,

my whole body tingling still,

all i want is to do it all over again.

i am a greedy slut.  

And He is a diabolical Dom.

This Week

It’s another on-call for the jail week – it seems like they happen again so quickly.  This time, i’m keeping in mind Sin’s observation that these weeks are always hard on me, and trying to build in some self-care preventively.

So it doesn’t help that i woke up about 2:00 this morning and haven’t been able to go back to sleep.  Sigh.

Things are a little rough at work these days anyhow.  Sir X is a bright spot in my week.

This week, we are getting together on Wednesday, hoping that i won’t be too tied up in jail.  {So to speak, no pun intended.}  

i already have some instructions from Him.

First, He says that we’re going to begin doing rope as part of our regular routine.  He already has some expertise in that area, and has taught a class or two on it, but that was some time ago. 

Today, He directs me to this website ~ 

http://www.bizarcentral.com/bondage-news/1120886745/index.php

~ and advises me to pay particular attention to shinju.   We will be starting there.

i’m also instructed to buy a particular kind of yogurt.  He says He’ll “be having dessert on my labia,”  which sounds lovely.  i’m to purchase the yogurt mindfully, taking a moment  to consider the purpose of it as i pick it up.  i know that will be one of those *look around and hope nobody can read my mind* moments.

But i’m so looking forward to the rope.  Feeling it wrap around me, holding me, caressing me…  i can not wait.

As i think about it, think about Him ~ He said something in His last email, He said:

“You show promise in regards to further training.”

When i read that, i feel myself slip deeper into ~ into Him, i guess.  Certainly deeper into submission to Him.  i don’t think i can describe how that feels, but ~

Some part of me melts.

Some protective covering that i wear, it melts a little.  

Not completely.  Completely would be too much, we are not ready for that.  i’m not ready for that.

But i can feel, just for a minute, what it would be like if the covering were completely gone.  How my self would slide into Him, how my heart would rest in Him.

It is a moment to treasure.

In Need of Correction…

No, not me, in need of correction, well not exactly… but my post about Jay Wiseman and rope is in need of correction.  Next time i decide to quote technical stuff, i’ll consult the expert before i hit “publish.”

So, along with a Friend Request on fet, i sent Jay {i think it’s ostentatious to call him “Jay Wiseman” all the time, don’t you?  Like i want to make sure you know it’s not just ANY Jay…}  Anyhow, i sent Jay a link to the post today about his class.

He sent me a message back.  It said:   

Hi (again) aisha,

Thanks for this. It’s very well written and I appreciate your comments.

Oh, two clarifying comments:

1. The actual quote is..
the scrotum
is not
a load-bearing
hardpoint. 😉

2. Numb limbs in bondage make me a bit nervous. True, numbness per se (absent “bad pain”) does not seem to correlate with an increase in post-bondage problems, but I’m not entirely comfortable telling people to ignore numbness — even if, perhaps, it would be fine to do so. Under the “less than 120 minutes” parameter, I don’t really care about changes in color or temperature, or whether or not one can slip X number of fingers under the ropes, but numbness does make me a bit nervous.

(If you’d like to do a copy-and-paste of the above to your blog, and this comment, I’d be fine with that.)

Your blog is very interesting and thoughtful. I just may come back to it from time to time.

Best regards,

Jay

i thought that was a lovely correction, and appreciated it and the kind words about my blog too, of course.  And now you know…

…the rest of the story.

🙂

The First Class

The first class i went to was Jay Wiseman’s and it was terrific.  He’s funny and laid back and the class flowed nicely.

There were safety lessons ~ mostly the ones i’ve mentioned:

“Bad pain” is the best predictor of a problematic outcome with bondage under 120 minutes ~ “Bad pain” = STOP.   Of course, we all knew what he meant by “Bad Pain,” as opposed to good pain.  Numbness is worrisome too.*

ER trips are mostly due to a fall of some sort.

The scrotum is not a load-bearing hardpoint*.

And ~ i don’t think i told you this one, but it’s maybe the most important one.   BDSM fatalities occur primarily when someone is in severely restrictive bondage and they’re left alone.    

So, ‘Nilla, in your recent story about the adventuresome dogs, i’m glad her Master had only pretended to leave her alone.  

Because ~ saying it again ~  tying her up securely and leaving her is the riskiest thing to do in terms of potential fatalities.  He told a couple of stories about events that led to death, which i don’t remember in enough detail to share, but you know, he has his own website and everything here.

His class was not all talk.  Entitled “Rough Rope, Bondage, Erotic Torture, and Predicament, All in One!” he demonstrated bondage with sisal rope on a very willing victim.

Let me say again, he used sisal rope.  It’s that kind of rough rope that looks like it’s fraying already.  Like this:

Just looking at it, you know it’s going to be kind of itchy and uncomfortable.  And apparently, it is uncomfortable as you get wrapped, but once it’s securely tied, it’s ok ~ unless you move.  Then it’s um, uncomfortable, all over again.

Hence the predicament part of the bondage.  You’re fine, unless you move.  

He described it in psychological terms as an approach/avoid conflict ~ so you “approach” moving, only that’s uncomfortable so you want to avoid it.  But you need to move, so you approach again…

Sin, your Master would love it.  Jay mentioned a couple of things that would force a submissive to move.

Laughter.

Or ~ even better ~ an orgasm.

It was fun watching him restrain his volunteer,  a willowy redhead who stripped to her panties happily and clearly enjoyed the experience.

It was interesting watching her face.  Knowing what it feels like to be restrained, to feel the rope going around me, to feel myself being wrapped…  well, watching her face brought those sensations back.

He put her arms in a harness behind her back, brought the rope between her labia, and then ~ i don’t know if i can describe this right ~ he pulled one piece of it taut between her legs.  Then he wrapped and twisted some more so he ended up with the rope divided so he had two pieces.

He brought the two pieces up between her legs too, but on opposite sides of her labia.  So ~ are you picturing this ~ the one rope is right in the center, then the two strands of rope run on the outside of the one rope, pressing firmly against her…. yeah.

She was a happy sub.

He made her sit, and that was fun to watch.  i know what it feels like from the inside, and it’s like a tiny taste of it to watch her experience it.

There was a woman in the audience who’s new to kink ~ i know this because she announced it several times.  About my age, she’s pretty sure she’s a Domme, and is looking for knowledge and experience.

So she pipes up at some point and wants to know, “What’s she getting out of this?  I mean, what’s in it for her?”

And i had to laugh, because it was so obvious to me that our rope model was in seventh heaven at that point, happily flying in her own head.  But Jay asked her to respond ~

~ and of course watching her try to come back and find words for what she was feeling was fun too.  

Jay commented that sometimes it seems like he’s just the ground crew, and of course we know what he means.  He was doing all the work.  

She was flying…

Makes me smile just remembering it.

* These parts were originally wrong, see In Need of Correction for an explanation. 

 

 

A Few Things I Learned at Kinky Kollege…

This is just a preliminary, right?  But here we go:

i have six new books to read.  Six.  Am i insane?  {Laughing…) 

Just click on the title for a link to more information about the books.  i now have:

Urban Tantra:   sacred sex for the twenty-first century by Barbara Carrellas, because i heard she does a good job with tantra sex.

Living M/s and Sex, Stories and Power Exchange, both by Dan and dawn Williams, because i’m wild about them and their presentation on sensual humiliation was fabulous.

The Ethical Slut and Radical Ecstasy, both by Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton, because my daughter’s been telling me for 10 years that i should read The Ethical Slut, and the other one just looked really good.

Ask the Man who Owns Him by david stein withDavid Schachter, because Raven recommended it when i talked to him at COPE.  They interview 16 gay M/s couples and try to identify the traits of the relationship that make it successful.

That should keep me busy for a while!

i discovered that the sound of someone playing with a whip is hot, and commands immediate attention, even if it’s in the vendor area.

i learned that there’s something called “anal relaxer” which purports to relax the area without numbing it.  Sounds like a good idea.  i always thought numbing it could be kind of risky.

i found out about “cell popping,” which is like a temporary form of branding.  Yeah, a temporary brand.  No, i didn’t get one!  i didn’t even go to that workshop.

Jay Wiseman, author of many books and rope expert, admired my collar (yes, really!)  AND ~ we chatted a little at dinner Saturday night, and discovered some common interests.  He testifies as a BDSM expert sometimes, and was telling me about DSM diagnoses that he’s gotten to know all about.  Then he was telling me about a therapist he knows with interests similar to mine.  i said i’d be interested in sharing information with her.

Anyhow, today, as i was leaving the event area, he stopped me and asked me to friend him on fetlife, so he can connect me with the therapist he knows.  Now, i’m sure he has a zillion and a half friends, but still, he asked me to friend him.  i think that’s pretty cool.

i have a  whole new reading list of books, scattered throughout my notes.   For example, The Alchemy of Love and Lust, by Theresa Crenshaw.  That sounds interesting, doesn’t it?

i learned that an important rule to remember in bondage is that ~ and i quote ~ “the scrotum is not a load bearing hardpoint.”*  Apparently, if you attach one end of a rope to the top of someone’s scrotum, and the other end to something that is not part of that person’s body, really bad things can happen.

Like, just for example, if you’re leading your slave around that way in a BDSM club, and you’re wearing spike heels, and you fall ~ that can quickly lead to a trip to the ER.  And ~ the most likely cause of a trip to the ER is a fall.  Or, um, a trip…

Funny, if it’s not your scrotum attached to the end of the rope, right?

Ok, enough for now.  Almost time to figure out what to do for dinner…

 *Originally misquoted, see “In Need of Correction” for explanation…

Sir X and The Gift

So just a few minutes into my first meeting with  Sir X Friday night, He said He’d brought me a small gift.

Have i mentioned that He does some rope?  Well, He does, so when He said it was something He’d made, i thought it might be a rope something.  But when He gave it to me, i didn’t know what it was.

{I put it on the green background so it would stand out.}  

It looks like a little person with wheels instead of legs, right?  Well, maybe not, but that’s how my mind works.  Very cute.

So He asks if i know what it’s for, or what you can do with it.  i admit that i don’t have a clue. 

“Well,” He says, “you can open the top part of it a little bit…”

Now it looks like a big-headed person with tiny wheel legs, right?

But now you can put something in the loop at the top 

My little finger, for example.  

But just “for example,” because then it clicks, what you could put in the loop.  And once you put ~whatever ~ in the loop, you pull on the bottom circles, and that tightens the loop around the ~ whatever.  

And as it clicks in my head, i blurt out, “But shouldn’t there be two of them?”

And He laughs, “Well, yes, there usually would be a pair.  But i just made this on a whim before i came over here tonight, so there’s just one.” 

i thank Him. nicely i hope, and tuck it away in a safe pocket in my purse.

Last night, Sir X was really very low key, which was nice.  There were only a few times that i actually  felt that Domly energy i love, just enough times to assure me it was there, lying in wait.

Today, i get an email that suggests i practice using the small gift, noting that using it can be tricky.  He suggests i try it both on the right and the left side.   He notes that he’ll want a critique of it later.

So, being the forethoughtful kind of person i am, i wonder what will be tricky about it.  It occurs to me that once i tighten it up around my nipple, the nipple will get engorged, and swell up around the rope, and it might be tough to get back off.

So i try it on the right nipple first.  i tighten it up really slowly.  It doesn’t really hurt a lot.  The nipple gets a little swollen, but not too much.  i kind of like the sensation.  

And He didn’t say i had to make it hurt.

It’s a little more difficult getting it back off.  I can’t actually loosen the noose, but i’m able to slide it off the nipple.

Then i try it on the left .  

Feeling more confident, more adventurous now, i tighten it til it does hurt, but just a little bit.  The twinges of pain come and go.   i pull my shirt back down over it and keep working on this post.

The shirt rubs against it and i’m aware of the sensation, and yes, i suppose it’s labelled pain, but it’s not bad.

i tighten it a little bit more.  Pull my shirt back down.  i’m not wearing a bra, so it’s not pressed against anything, the shirt rests loosely on it.  Little twinges of little pain, fairly pleasant.

Yes, it makes me wet.  Makes me a little squirmy.  This is the first nipple clamp type thing that i can actually imagine wearing for any length of time.

This time i leave it on longer.  Keep making it tighter.  

But not too tight.  

You know, i’m here by myself.  

i picture not being able to get it back off, my nipple eventually falling off… not that i’m prone to being overly dramatic…  just saying.  

It could happen.