Self-Care ~ Part I

SherynB taught this class, which was called “Beyond Aftercare:  Managing Your Own Emotional & Energetic Needs.  The class description read:

“This is NOT an “anti-aftercare” class. It’s a primer in psychological self-care and energetic self-defense for tops and bottoms. If you’ve ever been blind-sided by how strongly emotions/energy affect you or your partner, both physically & mentally, this class/discussion will help you recognize energy exchange for what it is, and give you a toolbox to care for yourself and secondarily (yes, secondarily) assist your play partners in doing the same. This interactive lecture & discussion is firmly based on the principle that we are each fundamentally responsible for understanding and providing for our own needs, before we are we able to functionally interact with others.”

She did a really nice job with it.  It was interactive, and she used stories to illustrate, mostly her own stories, which makes for a good presentation.  

But her main point, what i saw as her main point, is the idea that we are responsible for our own emotional well-being, no matter how submissive we are.

Cruising around the blogosphere as much as i do, i run across people who believe their Dom or Master is supposed to manage their (the sub/slave’s) emotions.  That the Dom somehow takes responsibility for making sure the sub feels what they want her to feel, or what she should feel.

When i was new to TTWD {and gosh, how strange to realize i’m really not “new” anymore} but when i was new, i guess i thought maybe that could be true.  Maybe the Master could take charge in such a way that he really was managing her feelings.

Of course it’s not true.  Ultimately, we are each responsible for our own feelings.

That’s kind of a relief for me.

Sure, it would be kind of nice, i suppose, to let someone else take over making me feel ok, but really?  Not possible.

It’s like Andi’s comment the other day about how at one time she thought maybe she wanted to be a housewife and just worry about keeping the house clean and not have to think about anything else.   No.  Not gonna work.

Back in the day when women tried to do that, we ended up on Valium, a highly addictive tranquilizer.  They used to call it “Mother’s little helper.”   But i digress…

We are people first.  

People are ultimately responsible for managing our own feelings.

And doesn’t it sound silly, that i even have to say that?  But i think there’s some belief that we can “give him” control of our feelings.

i think that’s impossible.  Disagree with me if you want to, in the comments, in your own blog.  i’m really open to looking at this. Hearing if you think it’s different.  

For you, anyhow.

For me, i really know that it’s up to me.

That’s not to say He doesn’t have power and influence ~ if i give Him control of my environment and my actions, then He does have the power to elicit  a variety of feelings from me.  

He knows what buttons to push to make me feel weak-at-the-knees submissive, right?  A simple hair tug ~ right at the nape of my neck ~ will pretty much take me there.

He knows what makes me wet, what makes me smile.  He knows how to get the endorphins racing through my system like life is just one giant orgasm waiting to happen.

And when it’s over and i’m crashing, He knows how to be there for me.  Cuddling, holding, warming me.

But.

Ultimately, at the end of the day, it’s still up to me to be responsible for my own day-to-day emotional stability and well-being.

SherynB tells a delightfully dramatic story about herself and some edge play.  She had a friend who she was relying on to see her through any unexpected negative emotional fall-out.

Only problem ~ the friend thought the scene was all over, thought she was ok, and left.

The scene was not quite over, and SherynB ended up having an emotional melt down, the very thing she’d feared.

She describes how she got through this, and her own recognition that at the end of the day “there is always that observer inside ourselves who can rescue us.”

i call that “wise mind.”

i’ve got more to say ~ no surprise there, right?  Share your thoughts and reactions if you want to.  i’ll be back tomorrow.  🙂